A Life Stolen
by newfoundlove
Summary: Sequel to A Heart's Savior. Bella and Edward are happily married, starting on this new chapter of their life together - a baby. Is the tragedy that falls upon them survivable? All Human/AU, Rated M for sexual content and adult themes.
1. Prologue

_AN: This is the sequel to A Heart's Savior - sorry it took me so long. I hope you think it was worth the wait. _

_I will warn you it is rated M for good reason - very mature themes and sexual content. Enjoy and thanks again for all of the support. It's been a lot of fun!_

**A Life Stolen**

_**Prologue **_

_**Wait**_

Under a blackened sky  
far beyond the glaring streetlights  
sleeping on empty dreams  
the vultures lie in wait  
You lay down beside me then  
you were with me every waking hour  
so close I could feel your breath

When all we wanted was the dream  
to have and to hold that precious little thing  
like every generation yields  
the new born hope unjaded by their years

Pressed up against the glass  
I found myself wanting sympathy  
but to be consumed again  
oh I know would be the death of me  
and there is a love that's inherently given  
a kind of blindness offered to appease  
and in that light of forbidden joy  
oh I know I won't receive it

When all we wanted was the dream  
to have and to hold that precious little thing  
like every generation yields  
the newborn hope unjaded by their years

You know if I leave you now  
it doesn't mean that I love you any less  
it's just the state I'm in  
I can't be good to anyone else like this

When all we wanted was the dream  
to have and to hold that precious little thing  
like every generation yields  
the new born hope unjaded by their years...

_Sarah McLachlan_


	2. Chapter 1: Baby Love

**Chapter 1: Baby Love**

"Dr. Masen?" The little girl's voice floated through my head, like a whisper. I heard it again. "Dr. Masen?" I shook myself back to reality. I had been daydreaming about my wife, again. Thoughts of Bella always consumed my mind, but today was a special day. I was meeting her in an hour at her Obstetrician's office – we were going to meet our baby today – she was having her ultrasound.

"I'm sorry Emily. What did you ask me?" I replied to the red-headed girl in the hospital bed.

"That's okay Dr. Masen. I know you were thinking about Mrs. Masen." She smiled. Emily had been in the hospital for two weeks. She had a virus, not unlike the one I had had, that had weakened her heart muscle. She was here receiving treatment and being observed. Hopefully the medication would be effective and it would not come to the last resort of a transplant.

"Are you guys going to find out what you're having?" She asked while I read the information from her monitors.

"No, we are not. I wanted to, the doctor in me I suppose, but Bella was adamant that we keep it a surprise until he or she arrives in another twenty weeks or so." I smiled, my stubborn Bella. Nothing was changing her mind on that one.

After I finished up rounds, I ran through the cafeteria to grab a sandwich so I could eat on my way to the doctor's office. I loaded my bag and myself in the Volvo and entered the highway as I unwrapped my turkey club. I arrived at the office fifteen minutes later, with ten minutes to spare. Just as I was pulling in, I saw Bella pull her Outback into a spot a few down from me.

After we were married, I insisted that she get a vehicle. I didn't want to worry about her taking the L all of the time, especially since she had a few night classes this semester. She of course fought me tooth and nail, but in the end conceded because I agreed to let her get any car that she wanted. She decided on the Subaru Outback because it was family friendly, not horrible on gas-mileage, and above all else, not too expensive. I did like that it was safe with all-wheel drive. If it had been up to me, she would have been driving something with a little more flair, and no doubt, faster. But, alas, like many things, it was not up to me.

I walked over to her door and opened it for her as she reached over on the passenger seat to grab her purse.

"Hello love." I said leaning in to kiss her as she turned back.

"Well, hello there handsome. I could get used to seeing you in the middle of the day." She beamed back at me as she swung her legs around to hop out, one hand on her perfectly round belly.

"How are mama and baby today?" I asked pulling her to my side.

"We are good, though I really need to go to the bathroom. They make you drink an un-Godly amount before and now I feel like I am ready to burst." She chuckled. Thus far her pregnancy had been relatively easy for her. A few months of queasy stomach, but nothing terrible. Now, at the end of her fourth month, she was really starting to expand. I found it unbearably sexy.

We walked into the ultrasound office, which was one door down from her regular doctor's office. She checked in with the receptionist and they asked us to have a seat.

"Emily says hi, by the way. And she sides with me, she thinks we should find out the sex." I said placing my hand on her leg and smiling innocently at her. I had been trying to sway her for weeks.

Bella laughed, it was like a wonderful warmth to my heart, and sent a wave of contentment through me. "Does she now? I'm sure that has nothing to do with a fourteen year old wanting to impress her handsome cardiologist." She smirked. "Well that was nice of her to think of me." Bella had commented on more than one occasion that she was glad I specialized in pediatrics. If I had treated adults, she feared she would have to set up camp at the hospital and beat the admirers away from me. I usually replied that she was being absurd, that there was only one woman for me.

The Ultrasound Technician came out and greeted and led us up back to the room.

"Bella, you can have a seat on the table and Edward, you can take the seat next to her." She pointed to rolling stool next to the bed. I helped Bella to get up on the table.

"I'm not sure if it is noted on my chart, but we don't want to find out the sex." Bella said to her. "Okay, good to know." She replied.

"Okay, lie back and I am going to put some of this jelly on your stomach. Sorry it may be a little cold." I helped Bella lie back on the table. Her head was slightly propped, and she pulled her shirt up to expose her stomach. I put my hand on it and felt a small movement within. There was a large monitor above the machine and we both waited with baited breath.

Two weeks ago was the first time she officially felt the baby kick. She has suspected it before that, but was never certain. That time it really gave a good kick that made her jump. We were in the middle of cooking dinner and she grabbed my hand and dragged me to the couch. _Edward, you have to feel this, it's amazing! _We sat on the couch for another twenty minutes, but I never felt a thing. She was so disappointed. A few days later we were watching television and out of the corner of my eye I actually saw him or her kick as her belly shifted slightly. We both jumped up in excitement. _Did you just see that!_ She had exclaimed. Since then, I had talked to her belly every night and each time the baby responded to my voice. It was one of the most wonderful feelings I had ever experienced. Each moment that we were closer to meeting our baby, the more excited I grew.

Coming back to the present when Bella squeezed my hand. "Edward, look a that! It has fingers and toes!" She squealed in delight as the images on the monitor came into focus. My heart was racing with excitement. When the technician focused on the baby's face, showing the profile, the little turned up nose and jutted out lips, just like my Bella's, I couldn't hold back the tears. I never thought I would see a day this wonderful.

Bella reached over and wiped the single tear from my cheek. "I love you Edward." She whispered as she smiled.

"I love you too Bella." I replied in a whisper as my eyes were locked on the screen.

When we walked out of the office, I was still speechless at what we had just experienced.

Bella wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her. I held her tight to me as I kissed the top of her head. As she pressed her belly to me, I felt a little jolt between us. She let out a chuckle.

"Do you have to go back to the hospital?" She asked into my chest.

"No, actually. I thought we could go look for a crib like you have wanted to do for weeks now." I smiled down at her.

"Oh, that would be great!" She replied excitedly. "We really need to pick one since sometimes they can take a few weeks to come in. I want to have the nursery all set up way in advance." After the wedding, once we had settled into the idea of being parents we started discussing housing options. We really didn't want to move, but there wasn't another bedroom for the nursery. I spoke with the landlord and found out that not all apartments in the building were laid out like ours. The one across the hall was almost identical, but it had another bedroom downstairs. We got on a waiting list and last month we moved in. It worked out perfectly and made for a very easy move.

"Leave you car here and we will pick it up on the way back, it's on the way." I said as I took her hand and led her to the Volvo. I opened the passenger door and helped her in as she cradled her belly with her hand and braced herself on the door with the other. After she was safely loaded I walked around on got behind the wheel.

We arrived at the furniture store fifteen minutes later. As we walked in and I scanned the massive warehouse-sized store, I was overwhelmed by the selection. "Love, do you have any idea what kind of crib you want?" I asked as we browsed around.

"Well, I like how Rosalie and Emmett's is convertible to a toddler bed then to a full-size head board. It seems like you get a lot more use out of it that way. And, I would like it to be dark wood to match the dresser we already have. Other than that, hopefully I will know it when I see it." She smiled at me as she pulled me through the maze of cribs and changing tables.

We walked around for about a half an hour, finally she found one that she really liked. It was sleigh shaped on the sides, with a slatted, curved back in a dark mahogany color. She ran her hand over it longingly and then reached for the price tag. I watched as her pretty brown eyes bulged out of her head. She dropped the tag like it was on fire and walked away. I quickly grabbed the tag and saw the price of eight-hundred and fifty dollars. I'll admit, I didn't have any idea how much a crib cost and I suppose that seemed a bit high, but I didn't care. How many times would be we buying a crib? Only once I hoped. I caught up to her at the next row. She was looking at a much simpler standard crib in a dark wood.

"This one is fine." She said while shaking it to see how sturdy it was, which it wasn't very.

"Love, don't be silly. This isn't even convertible like you wanted. We are getting the other one." I said while I grabbed her hand, forcing her to look at me.

"Edward, we are not spending that much money on a crib!" She replied exasperatedly.

I put my hand on her belly and felt our baby stir within. "Bella, if I can't spoil you and our baby, then what else am I going to do with all of the money my parents' left me? _I_ want the crib." I smiled at her with pleading eyes. She knew if I was bringing up my parents that I was not backing down. I had only played that card one other time, our wedding.

She let out a big sigh. "Alright, but I would like it noted on 'the record'" she said with air quotes. That is her phrase for when she wants me to remember a situation she doesn't like so she use it against me later, "that I think it is crazy to spend almost a grand on a crib." She said. "But at least we don't have to buy any other furniture."

"We still have to pick out a glider." I reminded her. Emmett and Rosalie have one and I had rocked Lizzie it in. It was so comfortable. She squinted her eyes at me and then shrugged her little shoulders in resignation. I knew I had won at that point. We found a sales woman and placed our order for the crib, glider and ottoman. She said it would be six to eight weeks until they arrived and then they would schedule a time to deliver it.

As we got in the car and headed back to the doctor's office to pick up Bella's car, I turned to her. "What do you feel like for dinner?"

"I know I don't feel like cooking, so how about some kind of take out?" She replied as she rested her head on the leather headrest.

"That's fine with me, Mexican? Think baby's up to it?" I smiled. Bella had been wrestling with heartburn, but lately it had been better.

She smiled. "I think that baby can handle it tonight."

"You order and I'll pick it up on the way home." I said handing her my cell phone - which had our favorite Mexican restaurant's phone number programmed in it.

I dropped Bella at her car, picked up the food and arrived home by six o'clock. I walked in the door, placed the food on the counter. She was coming down the stairs in her favorite comfy maternity yoga pants. We settled in at the table and ate dinner. While I was cleaning up, her cell phone rang.

"Hi Alice." She answered. I watched her as she got a big smile on her face. "Everything went great. Baby's doing really well." She paused to listen for a minute. "No, I didn't let him crack me, we didn't find out." She laughed - it lit up her whole face. I couldn't help but stare at how beautiful she was. "I don't know what to tell you, you are just going to have to buy a lot of yellow and green." She smirked as she looked up at me.

I finished loading the plates in the dishwasher then walked up behind her as she stood at the counter, animatedly chatting away. I wrapped my arms around her from behind, pushing the hair off of her shoulder to expose her neck. I began planting little kisses on warm skin moving up to behind her ear. It didn't take long before I got the response I was looking for. She leaned her head further to the side and reached down with her free hand and grabbed the front of my thigh, knotting my jeans tightly in her palm. God, I love this woman.

I managed to work my lips down both side of her neck and along the nape where I lifted her hair up before she quickly cut Alice off and said goodbye. She turned in my arms.

"You are evil sometimes. One of our best friends was calling to see how our baby was and you are seducing me." She accusingly pointed her finger in my chest as she smiled at me.

"What can I say, you are _that_ tempting." I replied innocently. "Hardly," she scoffed. "I'm starting to feel more like a whale everyday."

"_I_ think it's sexy." I said leaning down to kiss her on her full lips. She responded by wrapping her arms around my neck and eagerly weaving her fingers through my hair. After a few minutes of kissing, I led her upstairs. I was happy to say that our sex life hadn't lessened since the pregnancy. If anything, at times, Bella was insatiable. Emmett warned me to not get used to it because by the eighth month and for months after the baby was born, he wasn't even allowed to even touch Rose, much less make love to her.

Bella lifted herself onto the bed and I crawled up on top of her, running my hands up her sides as I went. Her glorious curves, breasts, hips, were even more pronounced now. As my lips came up to hers, I gently cupped her breast in my hand, causing her to moan into my mouth. That sound was by far the biggest turn on. I made quick work of our clothes, but I was extra gently and slow with her, taking my time relishing every inch of her supple skin.

Afterwards, I lay spooned behind her, my hand rubbing her taunt belly. "Have you thought of any other names that you like?" I whispered with my eyes half-closed.

"No, I still really like Olivia for a girl and I'm not sure for a boy." She replied as she twisted slightly so she could reach up and run her fingers through my hair. My eyes slid closed as the chills ran down my spine.

The next morning I departed for work before Bella was up. I had a busy day of patients, meetings and two scheduled surgeries. Alice and Rosalie were taking Bella in the morning to the baby store so she could start the registry for her shower. I assured her that I did want to be involved, but maybe not for the first trip. This evening we were having everyone over for pizza and beer.

The entire day I found myself distracted by what we had experienced yesterday at the doctor's office. It's not as though I didn't know what was growing inside her, or how incredibly developed it was already, all of that I knew. Being a doctor, I understood the physiology of gestation. But to experience it, knowing it was the result of our love, was a whole other thing. To see _our_ child – it wave its hand across the screen as it stretched and shifted within my wife, seeing all ten fingers and toes – words cannot describe the joy I felt. Any sense of nervousness I had felt about become a father was quickly replaced with anxiousness and pure awe at what we had created.

I pulled into the parking garage of our apartment building at six o'clock and quickly headed upstairs, eager to see Bella. I opened the front door to have my wish granted. She was in the kitchen preparing appetizers for when our friends arrived in an hour.

"Hello my love." I greeted as I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her, resting my chin on her shoulder. She reached up with her hand, placing it on the side of my face and twisting to place a sweet kiss on my lips. I quickly turned her in my arms, held her face in my hands and kissed her deeply, feeling all of the stress of the day dissipate.

When we pulled away, she was slightly breathless. "Well hello to you too. I could get used to that." She smiled as she buried her face in my chest. "I missed you today." I murmured into her hair.

"You don't miss me everyday?" She replied with a pouted lower lip and glint of amusement in her eyes.

"Yes, of course, just an unbearable amount today." I smiled at her as I caressed her cheek with my hand. Feeling the yearning for her flare up inside me.

She examined my eyes with her own and saw what was transpiring. "As much as I would like that, believe me I would and my hormones would concur, everyone will be here soon and I would still like to hop in the shower quick."

I bent my lips to her ear, "Would you like some help?" in a lusty whisper.

She let out a light chuckle. "Now we both know there would be nothing quick about it if you joined me, so thank you for the offer, but I'm all set." She smiled as she moved away from me.

"Okay." I pouted as I went in the fridge to grab a beer. Bella headed upstairs and I planted myself on the couch to check the sports scores before I went to change.

An hour later the doorbell rang with the first of our guests, Alice and Jasper. "Hi guys, come on in." I said pulling Alice in for a hug and shaking Jasper's hand. "Bella will be down in a minute."

"Edward, did she tell you about our shopping trip today?" Alice asked with excitement as I handed her a glass of wine and Jasper a beer.

"No, we haven't had a chance to catch up. Did you get a lot picked out?" I asked as I pulled the appetizers out of the fridge and placed them on the elevated bar.

She nodded her head as she put her glass down. "Yes, we picked up a stroller and car seats, bedding and a Boppy." I looked at her with a confused expression, but thankfully her husband saved me from asking an embarrassing question.

"Alice, what the hell is a Boppy?" Jasper asked.

She turned to look at him with an exasperated expression, like _everyone_ should know what a Boppy was. "It's that U- shaped pillow that your wrap around your waist to help when you are breastfeeding the baby. Also, when the baby gets a little older you can use it to prop them up or for tummy time."

"Tummy time?" Jasper replied as he rolled his eyes at me over Alice's head. I held back a smirk.

"Yes, Jasper, tummy time! Babies need a certain amount of time on their stomachs to strengthen their neck muscles. Otherwise they are all floppy and can't hold their heads up when they get older." She replied with a short tone as she took another sip of wine. Before the confusing conversation could continue, Bella walked in.

"Hey guys. Long time no see Alice." She smiled at her friend then went in the fridge to grab a bottle of water. I heard the doorbell ring and went to answer it.

"Hi Emmett, Rose, come on in." I said taking a twelve-pack of beer from Emmett. Rosalie kissed me on the cheek as she passed by. My, how times have changed.

"Where's little Lizzie tonight?" I asked as I followed them into the kitchen where everyone else was standing around talking. I put the beer in the fridge.

"She's at Emmett's parents. His mom had been nagging me for weeks to keep her overnight. So, we are giving it a try." Rosalie responded while Emmett waggled his eyebrows at Jasper and me from behind his wife. I attempted to control my reaction to him, as a laugh escaped my lips. I was certain he was rather excited to have some alone time with her.

Before long we were all gathered around the kitchen table chatting animatedly about anything and everything. Emmett always had some crazy story about near-death experiences, or times he had almost been arrested for some idiotic reason, like public urination. The pizzas arrived and we all dug in. After eating, the men migrated to the living room to watch sports while the women stayed at the table to gossip.

I was coming back from the kitchen with the latest round of beers. "So, Edward, you and Bella still having sex?" Emmett asked me abruptly.

I scowled at him. "Not that it is any of your business, but, yes." I smirked.

"The countdown begins man. Before long, your," holding up his broad hand and pointing to his palm, "will be your best friend." He said casually.

"Emmett, seriously. We are grown men, do we really need to talk about that?!" I exclaimed as Jasper laughed.

"Laugh all you want Jasper, once you get Alice knocked up, the sexathon will be over." Emmett pointed his finger at him. Jasper quickly shut up.

"Are you guys trying?" I turned to him and asked in a hushed voice.

Jasper nodded his head. "Yeah and she's all crazy with these charts and graphs about when she's ovulating. But hey, I don't mind. She wants to have sex _all _of the time. The only down side is it has to be in bed where she can lie with a pillow under her ass afterwards." He laughed. I chuckled. Since we didn't technically plan to get pregnant, I was certainly glad we managed to bi-pass the stress of planned conception. It seemed like women can get a little crazy about it.

"You just wait boys - until you feel my pain. Tonight will be my first night alone with my wife in who-knows-how-long. I hope she's prepared." He laughed. The mental image was a little too much for me as I cringed; she was my twin sister after all.

"Emmett, cut my sister some slack." I shook my finger at him. "First she incubated a seven pound child within her womb and then pushed it out of an inconceivably small space. I am sure you have never endured anything as painful as childbirth. It's no wonder she is not ready to hop in the sack with you all of the time." He scoffed at me, as if I had no idea what I was talking about. I'm a doctor for Christ sake!

Everyone left around eleven o'clock. Bella immediately went up to bed. I quickly wiped down the kitchen and put away the empty bottles, then joined her. When I got up there, she was in bed reading.

I walked over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of flannel pajama bottoms, pulled my shirt off and threw it in the hamper along with my jeans, pulled on the pants and crawled into bed. I moved over next to Bella and draped my hand across her stomach.

After a moment of staring at her, "Did you know that Alice and Jasper are trying to get pregnant?" I wasn't sure if I should know, but I wasn't going to keep that kind of information from my wife, Alice's best friend.

Bella turned to me. "She mentioned it to Rose and me today while we were shopping. She said they weren't really 'trying', just casual about it." She said turning back to her book.

"That's not what Jasper said. He made it seem like he was her sex slave." I laughed.

"Well, Alice does tend to not realize when she is getting worked up over something. Sadly, I would believe Jasper over her with something like that." She smiled at me.

"Wouldn't that be interesting if you were both pregnant at the same time?" I speculated.

She chuckled, "Interesting, that's a good word. It would be a lot of fun. Here I never pictured myself even married and now I am, very happily I might add," she bent down to kiss the end of my nose, "and having a baby. Crazy."

"Yes, crazy." I smiled as I felt my eyes close and my grip tighten around her waist.


	3. Chapter 2: Inconceivable

**Chapter 2: Inconceivable**

It was the following Tuesday and I had a particularly grueling day ahead of me. I had several surgeries to perform and decided to arrive at the hospital early to make sure I had everything in order before I started it. I left Bella sleeping in bed, wanting more than anything to stay with her, my arms wrapped around her, safe and warm. But, alas, reality would not allow that, so I left for work, hoping I would be able to return to her at a decent hour.

"Dr. Masen, Michael Brake's surgery is scheduled for nine." Karen, my surgical nurse reminded me as I stopped by nurses' station on my way to finishing rounds.

"Thank you. I will meet you in his room in fifteen minutes. Just let me finish these charts." I completed my notations on the files of my current patients then walked down the hall to Michael's room where he and his family were waiting.

"Hello, Mr. and Mr. Brake, Michael." I smiled as I shook his parents' hands.

"Michael, how are you feeling today?" I asked as I took a seat at the foot of his bed. He was a six-year old boy with a severe heart murmur that was not correcting itself as he developed, it was getting worse. After several years of watching it, his parents, pediatrician and I had opted to move forward with surgery to correct it.

Michael's mother responded for him. "He's good, just tired of being in the hospital. We are all ready to get this over with and bring him home," while smoothing the hair on his forehead.

I turned back to the boy. "Michael, like we talked about, you are going to go to sleep for a little while. But there is nothing to worry about because I will be with you the whole time. When you wake up you will be sore in your chest and you won't feel very good. But, in a week or so, you will be up and moving around with your brother and sister." I explained to him. He nodded his head as he looked at his parents for comfort. They smiled back at him lovingly.

"Okay, if you don't have any other questions, Karen will be right in to get him prepped and we will get going."

"Thank you Dr. Masen." Mr. Brake responded as I walked out.

As I passed by the nurses' station, Karen was sitting at the computer terminal. "Karen, Michael is ready for prep whenever you are through."

"Thanks, I'll be right in." I walked to the surgical locker room to change into scrubs and prepare for the surgery. Before every surgery, I had a moment of panic, of doubt in my abilities. Mothers and fathers trust me with their child's heart, their life. What if I am too hasty with a cut? Or my hand isn't steady? The entire time I am disinfecting I run through scenarios of how it could go wrong, but the moment I walk through those stainless steel double doors into operating room, all doubt is removed. I have trained years for this and I am ready.

Today is no different. I go through my mental battery and then enter the room. On cue, one of the other surgical nurses hit play on the iPod and the cool, soothing sounds of Claire De Lune fill the room. Michael was already under anesthesia. If this had been a less routine surgery, such as a valve replacement, I may have been accompanied by my Chief Resident, Dr. Oates. But, it was a fairly common procedure so I was flying solo.

I began the surgery and everything was going smoothly. I had entered Michaels' chest cavity laparoscopic, which dramatically decreased his recovery time, when the phone in the operating room rang. A nurse, one I wasn't familiar with, went over to answer it.

"Mr. Masen, an Alice Whitlock is on the phone for you." The young nurse said as she covered the receiver with her hand.

"Could you tell her I will need to call her back. I am not at a point where I can step away." She relayed the information into the phone and paused for a response. I continued with the procedure. Why would Alice be calling me in the middle of surgery?

"Dr. Masen," she hesitated, "she says it's an emergency, in regards to your wife," concern evident in her voice. I was quickly becoming panic stricken, unsure of what to do. I had to complete this procedure. My instruments were inside my patience chest cavity, already manipulating his small, fragile heart. I could see the hole in the heart wall on the monitor.

"Dr. Masen?" The nurse said again.

"Please ask Mrs. Whitlock if she can hold for a moment until I can step away. Karen, could you please page Dr. Oates to see if he is available to take over?" Karen nodded her head and went to another phone on the back wall while the nurse spoke with Alice. I tried my best to clear my thoughts while I proceeded.

The phone by Karen rang and she answered it. "Yes, Dr. Oates, Dr. Masen has an emergency with his wife and cannot proceed. He needs immediate relief if you are available." She paused and out of the corner of my eye I saw her nod her head. "Yes, sir, I will let him know," and she hung up the phone.

"Dr. Oates will be scrubbing-in in two minutes." Karen relayed. I looked towards the other nurse, at the other side the room, waiting patiently. "Please tell Mrs. Whitlock that I will call her back in five minutes. Thank you." I said lowering my eyes back to my patient and fighting all urges to run out of the room as fast as I could to be with my Bella.

Just as he said, Dr. Oates arrived and was by my side within four minutes. He took the laparoscopic equipment from me. "Go, Dr. Masen, go see to your wife."

"Thank you Dr. Oates." I said with a sigh of relief. I was already peeling my first layer of scrubs off as I passed into the prep room. I immediately picked up the phone and dialed Alice's cell number.

"Oh Edward, thank God!" The panic was palpable in Alice's soprano voice. "You need to get to Northwestern Memorial Hospital right now! I didn't know what else to do and she's in so much pain, and the blood, it happened so quickly..." She was speaking so fast I could barely make out the words.

"Alice! Alice! Slow down. I don't understand, _what_ happened so quickly?" It took all my strength to keep my voice controlled and somewhat calm.

She took a deep breath and blew it out into the receiver. "Bella's in labor." As the words filtered through my ears to my brain, I was certain that I heard them wrong.

"What?! She's just barely twenty weeks!" But, before I gave her time to answer, "Don't say anymore, I'm on my way. I'll be there in ten minutes." I slammed the receiver down on to the wall cradle and ran out of the room towards the locker room. My legs couldn't carry me fast enough as the weight and implications of the news came crashing down around me.

Her doctor would find a way to stop it, there were plenty of drugs that they could be used to stop the contractions; _it would be okay_. Maybe she would be on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy, _but that's okay_. I could take some time off of work if I had to and I'm sure that Rose and Alice would help out…

_Don't panic Edward; she doesn't need that right now_.

I continued repeating that mantra in my head as I wove through traffic on Fullerton Parkway to route forty-one, on my way to Northwestern. Thankfully traffic was light since it was mid-morning. I pulled into the first parking space I could find, not caring if it was illegal or not, pushed through the front entrance glass doors and ran to the stair case. The maternity wing was on the fourth floor.

I forcefully pushed the heavy metal door open on the fourth floor, hearing it bang behind me. I rounded the corner and saw Alice crouched on the floor outside of a door.

"Alice!" I called out as I ran towards her. She slowly stood up, her eyes circled with red and worry.

"Oh Edward, thank God you're here." She threw her arms around my neck as I held her in comfort, but wanting nothing more than to see my wife. "I didn't know what to do. The resident OB/GYN is in with her right now."

"Alice you did fine. I'm glad you brought her right here." I replied while releasing her and already pushing past her into the room. The curtain was pulled around her bed.

"Edward?" I heard her soft, pained voice call out.

I pushed the curtain to the side and saw the doctor in with her performing an exam. A drape was over her legs, which were in stirrups. I rushed to her side, grabbing her hand.

"Hi love." I murmured against her forehead as I kissed it. The doctor looked up, and I recognized her. "Hello Dr. Masen."

"Hello Dr. Jones." I replied, noticing a confused look on Bella's face. I returned my attention to her to explain, "Susan and I went to med school together. You're in good hands." I attempted a smile, but was not entirely successful as I felt a tight line form on my mouth.

"Well, I'm sure that your wife's primary OB/GYN will want to see her as well. I will let her know the situation." Susan replied as she pulled her gloves off.

"What is the situation?" I asked in a barely calm voice as I saw Bella's face scrunch up in pain, assumingly from a contraction. I placed my hand over hers in reassurance as she breathed through it. She was so strong.

The doctor lifted Bella's feet from the stirrups, pulled a section of the bed back out and placed her legs on them, covering her with the sheet. "Bella is in premature labor. She is almost fully dilated. My best guess at this point is that she has an incomplete cervix."

"What does that mean?" Bella asked with a scared expression as she squeezed my hand. I attempted to sooth her, pushing her hair back from her beautiful face, as_ I_ tried not to panic. I knew exactly what an incomplete cervix was, and it was not good, terrible actually.

"What is means is that your cervix was not strong enough to hold the weight of the baby as it grew. Therefore, once it reached the point of too much weight, it simply fails and dilates. Once that happens there is very little we can do to prevent the birth from occurring." Susan said solemnly.

"What do you mean?" Bella shrieked as I tried my best to hold back the tears that were tearing at the inside of my eyes. We were going to lose the baby and there was nothing that could be done about it, but I couldn't be the one to tell her that.

"It means that your baby is most likely going to be born today, and unfortunately, does not have a high survival rate at nineteen and a half weeks. Its lungs are almost certainly not fully developed yet. If, by some chance they are developed enough, we can put the baby on life-support, a machine to aid in its breathing, but even then the chances of survival are very slim." She said as placed her hands on Bella's legs in comfort. "We have a very good NICU unit here and will do everything in our power to help the baby once it arrives." I had been in her shoes before, telling a patient and their parents that there was nothing we could do to save them, that it was hopeless. It was an awful, wretched feeling.

I took my hand and covered my eyes, the pain that was surfacing was excruciating. How could this be happening? She had done everything right in her pregnancy. But, being a physician, I already knew the answer to my heart's questions. There was nothing that we could have done to prevent this, not unless we knew she was predisposed to it, and even then it would have been difficult.

"Edward! What does she mean? That the baby is going to die?" Bella was in near hysterics now. She didn't allow me time to answer as she turned back to Dr. Jones.

"Can't you give me something to stop the contractions and sew me up or something to keep the baby in?" Tears were streaming down her face and all I could do was stroke her hair. I felt so helpless, but at the same time like I might collapse from the agony, the hopeless reality.

Dr. Jones looked up at me and I nodded my head lightly in understanding, then she left the room to allow us some time. I pulled a chair up and took Bella's hands firmly in mine. She was almost hyperventilating she was so upset. "Bella, love, you need to take deep breaths. Passing out from lack of oxygen will not make you feel better." I said while stroking her forehead and arm.

She looked at me with the most gut-wrenching gaze, "But maybe then I would wake up and know that this is all a nightmare, some horrible dream." She started to sob again. I stood up and sat on the edge of the bed, leaning over to drape my body over hers, hoping to protect her from the pain that I knew would only get worse. She clung to me in desperation, her nails digging into my shoulders. We lay there for several minutes, both attempting to comfort one another, as I heard her breathing finally calm.

I heard the door open and sat up to see her regular OB/GYN walk in. "Dr. Bradley," I nodded at the middle-aged woman. "Hello Bella, Edward." She answered solemnly as she placed her hand on Bella's leg to come around to the other side of her bed. "Dr. Jones has filled me in so far. She said she is fairly certain that the culprit of the pre-term labor is an incomplete cervix, but I would like to do my own exam if that is okay to make certain that I concur with her diagnosis." She spoke softly and evenly to both Bella and me. I nodded my head in agreement. Maybe by some off hand chance Dr. Jones was wrong. Bella looked at me with questioning eyes and I simply nodded my head to let her know that I thought it was a good idea.

As I slid off of the bed into the chair, Bella gripped my hand hard in pain. "Bella, you are having a contraction now." The doctor said as she looked at the monitor. "It looks like they have been quite irregular." Bella let out of puff of relief as it passed.

"I honestly haven't been paying attention. Before we got here, my friend Alice was timing them and they were about five minutes apart. But it has seemed like they are more stretched out now." As Bella spoke, the doctor slid the section of the bed away again and pulled the stirrups out. She placed Bella's feet in them and adjusted the sheet. As she began her exam, Bella winced in discomfort. "I'm sorry this is so uncomfortable. Your cervix hasn't moved down yet." As she completed the exam, she got a grim look on her face. She readjusted Bella's legs on the bed and covered her up.

We both stared at her expectantly, hoping that by some miracle this wasn't our worse nightmare. She looked up, her eyes shifting between us, "I'm very sorry to say that Dr. Jones' prognosis was correct. You have an incomplete cervix that is complete dilated. I can feel the amniotic sac pushing through already." She let out a sigh. "You're only option at this point is to deliver the baby and hope for the best."

Bella let out an agonizing cry as she turned towards me. I had never heard of a baby born at twenty weeks surviving much past a few days. If, by some miracle it did, it most likely would have mental and physical disabilities for the rest of its life. I felt the tears run down my face as our sentence was issued, the weight of it heavier than if a truck had fallen on me. The pain surfacing so quickly it took the air out of my lungs, constricting and contorting my insides like an opportunistic parasite. After a few moments to collect myself, I asked, "How long do we have until the baby arrives? You said her contractions were sporadic."

"As soon as I break her water, the baby will come out. It is so small, most likely weighing less than five hundred grams that she probably will not even need to push. Before I do that, you two need to decide what steps you are willing to take to keep the baby alive if it is a live birth, which honestly, a very small percentage are at this point. The actual birth is too traumatic for them. If he or she is a live birth, the statistics are eleven to fifteen percent survival rate."

Bella looked at me with an abhorring gaze, the pain flickering through her always comforting and warm eyes was more than I could stand. I knew what she was thinking. How could we decide what we would do to save our baby, my answer was, anything! I knew that without a doubt. "Dr. Bradley, could you give my wife and I just a few moments to discuss all of this. It's happening so fast."

"Yes, of course. I will be in the hall when you are ready." She drew the curtain to the side and walked out. I turned my attention back to Bella.

She drew in a slow breath, on the exhale she said, "We don't really have any choices, do we?" Her voice was so small and weak. Since I had known Bella, she had been my rock, the one with strength and courage. Now, when she needed me the most, I felt as though I had nothing to offer in comfort. That alone caused me as much pain as what was occurring. She was right - we didn't have any choices. If the baby was born alive, we would fight to keep it with us, if it was not…I couldn't even finish the thought.

"No, love…you are right, we don't have any choices." We both fell silent and prayed for the life of our soon to be born child.

Even when my cardiologist had told me my only option was a transplant, when I had very little hope to live, nor did I want to without Bella's love, I had not been this scared. Time had become our executioner, never wanting it to stop and cease inching forward so badly, but it progressed at double time, delving us directly into our own personal hell.

I went outside to fill Alice in on what was happening and asked her to go home. There was nothing that she could do at this point and Bella would certainly need her once she was discharged. She came in quickly and said goodbye, trying desperately to hold back her tears for our sakes.

The doctor came in and broke her water. The next few hours went by in a blur of disbelief and gut-wrenching agony. Nothing was clear other than the pain and sorrow we felt. Just as she had predicted, the baby came out immediately without any effort from Bella. Her tiny form was not even granted the blessing of one breath of air into her underdeveloped lungs. Her broken little body couldn't survive the journey out of her mother. For some inconceivable reason the loss seemed infinitesimally easier if we were able to start dealing with immediately instead of spending days in the NICU watching our child fight for its life only for it to inevitably be lost.

Bella cried out as she held out baby girl to her chest. All I could do think was – how naïve I was to think nothing could hurt worse than losing my parents - and yet this was exponentially worse.

In the aftermath, I lay in the hospital bed with Bella. My entire being felt numb, completely void of everything I had taken for granted a few short hours ago. All I wanted to do was comfort my wife, but I didn't know how. The images of the last few hours were blurs, all except the pain that had taken up permanent residence on my love's features, and the face of our sweet baby girl, Olivia. Bella's beautiful brown eyes had taken on a glazed look of blankness from what we had just suffered. It didn't seem fair that someone as sweet, caring and wonderful as my wife should ever have to survive a loss of this nature.

Parents of my patients have told me that the idea of losing their child was so incomprehensible, that they would rather take their own life than to out-live their own offspring. It isn't the correct way of the world - parents are supposed to leave this world first. I wonder if it makes a difference if that child never even had a chance at life? Our baby girl was still a pure, untarnished being with every possibility still ahead of her… I guess I will never know.

Bella stayed in the hospital for another day, I slept on the cot next to her, holding her hand throughout the night. She woke up several times screaming in agony, asking me to tell her it was all a nightmare. _Edward, tell me I dreamed it all, tell me Olivia is okay_! But then she let her hand trail down to feel her nearly flat stomach and the lack-of-life encased in her flesh, and knew the truth.

When we came home, I had spent the rest of the week with her. The days and nights merged together as our friends did their best to provide us with some level of comfort. I was reminded over and over again that I too had experienced the loss, not just Bella, and that I shouldn't be expected to shoulder the full weight of her grief. But, I didn't mind. I was put on this earth to love my wife and right now, that was all I wanted to do. The idea of it got me through each second, then each minute, until another day finally passed.

Bella called her parents to let them know the news. I heard her on the phone with Renee.

Her voice was becoming elevated and very upset. "Why didn't you think that was something I needed to know Mom? Maybe they could have done something to prevent _this_." She paused as she took a breath and wiped a tear from her eye. "Yes, I realize it was a long time ago and you were able to have me after, but really Mom, how selfish could you be?" I was studying her face in concern.

Had Renee and Charlie experienced the same tragedy and if so, why didn't they feel the need to ever tell Bella? Had the child been born alive? What did the doctor's do to prevent it back then? Now, there were a few different procedures that could be done to help prevent it if you know the woman is at risk. "Fine, I'll talk to you later. Bye." She closed the phone shut and turned to me with disbelieving eyes. I walked over and swiftly embraced her, holding her tight to my chest.

By the following Monday I had to return to work. A part of me was relieved to have a change, to put my mind towards something other than grieving, but most of me felt terrible for feeling that way. Bella was in a near catatonic state the majority of the time. Her eyes were open but she saw nothing. She walked in and out of the kitchen not eating anything. She hadn't even cried since the first day we came home. She assured me she just needed time.

I had never felt so helpless in my life. I am a physician; my job is to fix human bodies. But this, the emotional wreckage the likes of which I never dreamed could exist, haunting our every thought and move, this I was at a loss with. I had only had my heart for a little over a year and yet somehow it felt more broken and weak than the first, with its illnesses and malformations, ever did. How can we possibly fix this - for there is no surgery or medical procedure that can begin to repair this level of damage?


	4. Chapter 3: Despondent

**Chapter 3: Despondent**

Three months had passed. I wished I could say quickly, but I couldn't. Our lives had seemed to settle back into their normal rhythm, but _nothing_ was the same. We got up, drank our coffee, went on with our day, came home and went to bed. The communication kept to a minimum, the affections and touching almost non-existent. Bella spent her days in the same fashion she had before the loss, but there was absolutely no life left in her. She was a shadow, a mere wisp, of her former lovely self. All her warmth and joy had been drained that day in the hospital.

I tried my best to not crowd her, to assure myself that everyone deals with pain in their own way. I certainly wasn't one that could judge, it had taken me eight years to move past the death of my parents, to finally start living again. I prayed that my Bella was more resilient than I had been.

I felt myself slipping into a depression. I worked more and more, just to be out of the house. I didn't touch my piano - I used to enjoy it so much. Every time I laid a finger on smooth, ivory keys I thought of all of the times I had played for her, seeming like another lifetime.

I arrived home on Friday after an early shift. Bella was in the living room reading.

"Hi, how was your day." I called from the entranceway as I hung up my jacket.

After a long moment, "It was fine," she mumbled back. Her voice lacked any inflection.

I walked over to the couch, sat on the edge next to her legs and reached out to run my fingers down her silky cheek. She flinched slightly then looked at me with apologetic eyes. After a pause, I moved past it. I should have been used to it by now, but I didn't seem to learn

"Would you like to go see a movie tonight? I think we need to get out of the house." She looked back at me with a torn expression.

"We'll try the movie and if you feel up to it we can grab a bite to eat afterwards." I added in desperation, smiling, trying to keep my tone light, but hoping with all my heart she would _finally_ accept one of my invitations to get out. She had only left the apartment to go to school and grocery shopping. Other than that she was on the couch reading, lost in another world, one less painful to her.

"I don't know Edward. Why don't you call Emmett and see if he wants to. I know you want to get out and I really don't feel up to it. I'm sorry." Her voice held nothing of the sweetness that it used to, it droned.

I felt selfish to admit it, but I missed my wife so much; her warmth, her smile, her love. But I wasn't going to force her into anything before she was ready. So, I resigned to calling my brother in-law to see if he wanted to meet out.

An hour later, Emmett and I were sitting in our favorite bar around the corner from his apartment. We both had pints of beer in hand.

"So, she's not any better?" Emmett carefully inquired.

I shook my head in despondence. "No…I don't know what to do. I can understand the grief, I feel it too, but she is shutting me out." I let out a big frustrated sigh. "She flinches when I try to touch her for God sakes!" I ran my hand through my hair and took a swig of beer.

Emmett fidgeted in his chair, then turned to me with caring eyes. "Edward…I know we haven't talked about it much, well because things got better between you two so fast after your surgery, but I think you need to know how messed up she was when you left her." I first looked at him incredulously, then nodded that I was willing to listen, no matter how painful it was. I needed a slap in the face.

"I'm just grabbing at straws here, but maybe she never dealt with that pain and now it is just compounded with this and she has no idea how to deal with it…." I shut my eyes tight at hearing the blatant truth about how much pain I had caused her, when I foolishly thought I was protecting her. But I knew I needed to hear it, maybe it would give me some idea of how to help her heal. I nodded to Emmett in understanding.

He took a swift, deep breath before starting. "I went to go see her just a few weeks before Rose sought her out, for her help. I took some of her stuff from your apartment to her place. When I opened the door, my God Edward," he shook his head, "it didn't even look like the same person. I could tell she had lost a bunch of weight, her skin was almost grey and her hair was all messy. It was like she had given up." I nodded, I noticed some of that too, though not to that extent, when I was recovering from surgery and we spent our days together. She was dreadfully thin. "It was like all of the life, all of her spark had left her. There was no glimmer in her eyes. She, of course, told me she was fine and given the situation and the fact that I couldn't tell her the truth." He scowled at me. "I didn't push her further, just told her I was there for her."

I gave him an apologetic grin. I prayed that I am never, for the rest of my life, as big of a fool as I was in that situation. How I thought I was doing the right thing, by breaking her heart, was beyond me. At the time I truly believed I was protecting her from what I could only see as my eminent death. I thought somehow she would move on, that she was better off without me, and my failing body. Her love was too strong to be merely pushed to the side and forgotten. I can't believe I ever doubted that. Little did I know that my idiotic decision would nearly kill _both_ of us? She was as close to dead as I was, only she was walking around and I was in a coma.

"I wanted more than anything to tell her what was going on, that you hadn't stopped loving her." I felt my brows knit together. How did he know at that time that I had left her under false pretenses?

"Oh, don't look at me like that. I knew you didn't decide one day to just _stop_ loving her. She was the best thing that ever happened to you, just like my Rose. I knew you were trying to be stoic and protect her."

"But you never told my sister that?" I questioned, perplexed.

"No, she wouldn't have listened anyway. At that point she was still too mad at you for refusing the surgery, I didn't want to compound it by telling her how you broke Bella's heart for no good reason." He took a swig of his beer. "For a smart, doctor guy you can be pretty stupid sometimes."

I nodded and grinned. I really could be. When it came to Bella, I had a difficult time thinking straight.

He continued, his voice was softer, more caring. "I know it seems like that situation, as messed up as it was, was more easily fixed – you just told her the truth and she was back in your arms. This one, the loss, the grieving seems entirely worse. But, maybe they are kind of the same. Maybe she just needs to know you still love her, no matter what." I had never heard Emmett speak so poignantly.

He had a point though. By giving her space, was I making her feel unloved? I certainly didn't intend that. The last thing I did was blame Bella for what happened. I, and I hope she, knew it couldn't have been prevented. Even if Renee and Charlie had told us they went through the same thing, and we took preventative measures before she got pregnant, it would still not be one hundred percent, just like any pregnancy.

Emmett and I stayed at the bar for another hour or so. When I left, my step felt lighter. My heart slightly alleviated. He had opened my eyes that I wasn't doing enough for my wife and that would change starting tonight. If she didn't feel like I loved her, like I needed her, I was going to try to eradicate those doubts.

When I opened the door to our apartment, only the light in the kitchen was on. It was evident that Bella had gone to bed. I turned off the light and quietly crept upstairs. I went into our bathroom and changed into my pajama bottoms, leaving my chest bare. I had to admit that the alcohol was making me more daring, but I could wait no longer to feel the warmth of her skin. We had not so much as kissed passionately, much less made love, since before the tragedy.

Our bedroom was bright from the full moon shining through the two story windows. I studied her sleeping form for a moment. She was on her side with her back to me, her chestnut hair cascading across her pillow. I folded back the comforter and slowly crept into bed. I listened to the peaceful rise and fall of her even breathing. I felt my stomach knot in nervousness, which my brain told me was silly, she was my wife, why wouldn't she want me to touch her? But I already knew the answer to that internal pondering. She hadn't wanted me to touch her for three months, why would tonight be any different? But I wasn't willing to simply do nothing anymore.

I slid my body closer to hers and tentatively placed a hand on her t-shirt clad shoulder. She was wearing one of my college shirts and seeing her in it always drove me crazy with lust. Hard to explain, but it's true. My hand was on her delicate shoulder, her warmth soaking into me. My heart instantly felt lighter, happier just to be this close to my love. I let my fingers trail across her shoulders, through her hair as I lifted a few strands and breathed in the intoxicating scent - strawberries and freesia.

I continued my hesitant exploration down her arm, under the covers to her small hand, which was perched on her beautifully curved hip. I felt dizzy with desire for her, but at the same time ashamed that she wasn't even awake to respond or deny my advances.

After a few minutes, I felt her begin to stir under my gently grazes. She rolled towards me onto her back.

"Edward?" She asked in a sleepy murmur.

"Yes, love. Who else would it be?" I chuckled lightly as I let my hand trail up her other arm to her neck.

"Mmm…that feels nice." She whispered sending a thrill of anticipation through me, truncating in my groin.

I leaned over and buried my lips at the base of her neck in her hair, breathing her in deeply. She lazily reached up with her hand and stroked my face. I was overcome with raw emotions. I felt my eyes becoming moist. "I've missed your touch so much love." Her hands ran into my hair.

"I've missed you too." She whispered. I hadn't felt this happy so long.

My advances became bolder as I continued my explorations of her sumptuous skin, now with my lips, up her neck to her jaw line. I felt her shudder beside me as I let my lips linger just to the side of hers, fighting the unbearable urge to forcefully grab her and attack her luscious mouth with mine. I allowed my hand to trail down to the hem of her shirt, pulling it up slightly to expose her waist, which was once again completely flat and taunt, relishing the increased warmth of her skin as I sent goose bumps across her flesh.

She tightened her grip on my shoulder telling me she was enjoying my touch. I could hold back no longer as I took her beautiful face in my hands and kissed her passionately. At first, she seemed hesitant, stunned at the increase in my pace, but quickly she recovered and began to return my passions, parting her lips. I was elated, filled with surges of love and lust in equal parts. I knew I had missed my wife, but I hadn't realized as to the extent until now. I was numb the last three months without her affections, her love.

Her talented digits were in my hair and trailing down my shoulders to my bare chest. I gasped as she rubbed against my nipples. "Oh…God…Bella." I lifted her shirt further and took her sumptuous breast in my hand, massaging it gently. I had missed them so, so soft and silky. Her chest arched into my touch. I detached from her lips and replaced my hand with my mouth, sucking and teasing her with my tongue. She whimpered and moaned. They were the sweetest sounds I had heard in as long as I could remember.

There was a feverish pace to our touching. Our bodies growing heated. Our breaths uneven and gasping. When my fingers traveled down to the edge of her panties, it was the first time I recognized a sign of hesitation from her. Bella's hands paused in my hair, on my chest. I continued. My tongue lingered around the apex of her neck. I felt her shudder beneath me, and I knew it wasn't in pleasure.

I felt them then, her silent tears marching down her cheeks. "Bella, love. Are you okay?" She brought her hand up to cover her face and tried to turn away from me. I put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. "Talk to me." I whispered. What had I done to upset her?

"I'm sorry Edward…I just…can't." She whimpered. I pulled her to me, her face still covered.

"Hey, love…look at me." She slowly lowered her hands and let her anguished gaze meet mine. I studied her beautiful brown eyes for a moment, hoping my love for her was shining through.

"You have nothing to apologize for." I ran my fingers down her cheek, wiping away her tears. "I'm just so happy to have you back in my arms, that is enough." I tucked her hair behind her ear as I studied her worried expression. Her delicate brows knit together.

"I want to…I do…but I'm just not… I just can't –" Her tears sprang forth again.

I cut her off by placing my finger on her full lips. "Shh, it's okay, really." I soothed her, my fingers gently rubbed her arm.

"Can you wait for me, to be ready?" She asked in a desperately sad voice.

"Of course. I would wait until the end of time for you. Anything you need. Bella, I love you and I have missed you desperately, but I don't want to force you into anything you are not _completely_ ready for." She let out a sigh of relief at my understanding response.

"Thank you. I love you too, with all my heart."

Now I just needed a very cold shower.


	5. Chapter 4: Desperation

**Chapter 4: Desperation**

If I had known that the hope and love I felt surge through me that night would have been a singular event, I would have cherished it to every last drop. All of the warmth and serenity it offered, I simply looked past, as if it would be there in the morning. But, as always, hindsight is twenty-twenty.

Another month passed. Bella and I settled back into our awkward, affectionate and communication-lacking life. I was, once again, at a loss for how to bring her back to me.

On Friday I arrived home slightly early than usual having finished up my workload in record time. I had found the only way that I could function as a professional physician was to block out all thoughts of Bella while I was at the hospital. I was riddled with guilt for it. But, if I allowed it any other way, to let the worry and helplessness seep in or my mind to wander to dream and remember how it was a mere four months ago, my heart would tumble quickly into a pit of despair.

I opened the door to our apartment, uncertain if Bella had returned from school yet. At first, I thought she had not, but then I heard an unfamiliar, muffled sound. I realized it was coming from upstairs. I quickly ran up the stairs but didn't see her. I walked around the bed to find her curled up in a ball on the floor, the cordless phone in her hand, her legs drawn tightly to her chest.

I fell to my knees in fear. "Bella, love, what is it? What happened?" I pulled her limp body into my lap as her frame shook with tears. She hadn't cried in months that I knew of. Her face was all splotchy and red. I let her calm at her own pace as I rocked her slowly. She felt so small and frail in my arms, so vulnerable.

After ten minutes she was finally able to speak. Still clutching the phone, she looked down at it and then threw it to the floor with a thud.

"What happened?" I inquired softly.

Her eyes turned up to me in the most agonizing gaze. It was the same look from the hospital, one of utter despair. "The furniture place called to say that the crib and glider are sitting in their warehouse and wanted to know if we still wanted them."

I stifled a gasp. "Oh, love, I'm so sorry. They called months ago, not long after…and I forgot to call them back." I pulled her tighter to me as she buried her face in my chest. I felt horribly guilty for feeling it, but having her in my arms, no matter how painful the reason, made me feel whole again. My heart was lighter and alleviated of the ache that I had carrying around inside me like a dull festering wound that wouldn't fully close. It was so much worse than my heart physically failing for the means to heal it seemed too far out of reach now.

She sat cradled in my arms for another few minutes. In that time I decided I couldn't take going back to the way we had been, I needed her too desperately. I had to do something more. If I got her out of the house, hopefully it would help. It couldn't possibly get any worse.

I pulled her frame away from me slightly, her red-rimmed eyes turned up to mine in question. "I am taking you away this weekend." Her brow wrinkled in confusion.

"Oh, I don't know Edward…I have work to do and –"

"It wasn't a request Bella. We need to get away and we are leaving in an hour." I stated plainly. I knew the tone of my voice was bordering on commanding, but if I said it any other way she would undoubtedly find a reason to not go.

I lifted her gently onto the bed. "You stay here and I will take care of everything." She looked up at me hesitantly then a small smile formed on her lips. "Yes sir," she responded.

I rushed down the stairs and began my preparations. I didn't want to go too far, but wanted someplace peaceful and stress-free. I knew just the person to call.

"Hi Alice, it's Edward."

"Hi Edward. How's Bella?" She asked in a concerned tone. I dropped my voice so that Bella couldn't hear. "She's not great." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "When she came home there was a message from the baby furniture place saying our furniture is still there." I let out a big sigh. "When I got home she was on the floor in a ball. So…I decided we are going away for the weekend."

"Oh, poor Bella. Well you two definitely need to get away, some time alone to relax. Where were you planning on going?" She asked.

"That's where I need your help. Wasn't there a hotel with a spa near here that you and Rose were talking about awhile ago?"

"Yes, the Eaglewood Resort and Spa. That place will be perfect! It even has a bowling alley." She chuckled.

"And it's upscale, but not too fancy, right?" Bella did not appreciate or feel comfortable with places that were outwardly fancy.

"Yes, it is definitely subdued class. She will love it."

"Thank Alice. You're a life saver." I smiled as I spoke. "Have a great time. You two deserve it."

Once I disconnected from Alice I called information and got the number for the hotel. I reserved their Rooftop Suite. I knew Bella would balk that I booked the most expensive room in the place, but she didn't need to know that there were lesser rooms available. I also spoke with the spa and made some appointments for tomorrow. I was getting excited about how my plans were coming together.

Within twenty-five minutes I was running back upstairs. Bella was still on the bed, curled up with her red throw-blanket, peacefully asleep. I reached over and gently pulled a piece of hair off her face with my index finger, taking a moment to stare at her peaceful expression.

I pulled a bag from the closet and started packing. I put in a suit for dinner tomorrow and the dress she wore on our first date. I loved that blue dress on her. I went through the draws and grabbed a couple of more items, including a midnight blue bra and underwear set that I hadn't seen her wear in ages, then packed our toiletries. When I was finished, I still had fifteen minutes and thought it would be good to let her sleep a little while longer. So, I shucked my clothes and jumped into the shower quickly.

When I was through, I put on a pair of jeans and a button down. I figured we would get room service tonight. I walked over to the edge of the bed and softly laid my hand on my wife's shoulder.

"Bella, love. It's time to go." She rolled over but didn't open her eyes. I stood over her for a moment. She looked so tired - maybe she was better off staying here and sleeping -no, we needed this. I needed to spend some time with my wife outside the walls of this apartment, the walls that once breathed laughter and love and now seem to be oppressing us with our sorrow.

I threw the strap to our bag across my chest, leaned over and scooped her up in my arms. "Edward," She said groggily, "I can walk," as she tightened her grip around my neck. I laughed at her stubbornness. "It's okay. I can take it from here." I kissed her forehead before I headed down the stairs and out our front door.

We arrived at the resort forty-five minutes later. By then Bella had woken up, her hand entwined with mine in my lap. I pulled the car up to the valet as he opened her door. Immediately, I was at her side pulling her to me, not wanting to sever our small connection. I had learned at this point to cherish every little gesture.

We approached the front desk and went through the routine of checking in. While I was speaking with the woman I noticed Bella looking all around the lobby with an awed expression. Alice was right as usual - this place was perfect. The lobby was open with beautiful slate stone and wood working reminiscent of Frank Lloyd Wright's style. Once I had our keys in hand, I led Bella to the set of elevators. We rode up a few floors in silence, then stepped off and took the private staircase to our rooftop suite.

The room was just as perfect as the lobby, decorated in serene earth tones. There was a large sitting area, granite filled bathroom with Jacuzzi tub and a separate bedroom. Our balcony had a view of the golf course, though we would have to wait until tomorrow to see it since it was past dark.

Bella has yet to say a word and I waited nervously, running my fingers through my hair, for her reaction. Once she had examined every inch of the room, she turned to me, still a few feet separated us. "It's perfect Edward…too expensive, of course, but just beautiful." A glorious, shy smile spread over her lips. I could take it no longer; I need to have her in my arms. I quickly closed the distance between us and flung her up in my arms, kissing her sweetly in her full lips. "I'm so glad you like it. This weekend is all about relaxing," _and bringing you back to me._ I walked over and placed her on the king-sized four-poster bed.

She laid back and sensually ran her hands over the silky bedding as she looked up at the high ceiling. _Oh, what I wouldn't give to be that bedding right now...patience Edward, no need to pressure her. _ I needed something to right my mind. I checked my watch and it was seven thirty. She must be getting hungry. I know I was.

"Love, are you hungry? I thought we would order room service tonight?" She sat up slowly and looked at me. I heard her stomach rumble and we both laughed, a little nervously. It felt like we were dating again. "Yes," she smiled, "I guess I am. Room service would be great."

I walked to the table in the living area, picked up the menu and brought it to her. I sat down beside her and looked over her shoulder as she perused the selections. The steak sounded good to me, and a nice bottle of red wine. Once she had made her selection, the sea bass, I called down to the restaurant and placed our order. The woman said it would be about thirty minutes.

"It's going to be about a half hour…do you feel like taking a bath?" I asked hopefully as I walked back to her on the bed.

She looked at me contemplatively. "Um, I don't think I am ready for a bath, maybe after we eat. Can we just relax for a few minutes?" She held her arms out to me, inviting me to her embrace. I felt a thrill run through me. That was the first physical gesture she had made to me in months.

I stifled myself from running to her, but rather walked over, sat beside her then laid her back on the bed with me. She snuggled into my chest and I began to stroke her hair. We lay in peaceful silence for several minutes - it was truly blissful. My breathing regulated to hers, the closest I had felt to her in weeks. I seemed in so many ways like we had nothing to talk about, but at the same time, there was so much to say. I didn't even know where to begin.

Before I had a chance to gather my confidence and approach the subject I had been wanting to for weeks, there was a knock on our door, presumably our dinner. I disuniting our embrace, reluctantly rose from the bed, and answered the door. A young man in a hotel uniform pushed a cart containing several silver-domed dishes, two wine glasses and a bottle of wine. I instructed him to serve the food at the table in the sitting area. He uncorked the wine and poured a sample for me to taste. It was delicious. A Californian Merlot, sweet and creamy with just a hint of bite. I signed for the food with a tip and the boy departed.

I heard Bella rise from the bed and go into the bathroom. I hastily laid out everything on the table and lit the two taper candles. I heard her light footsteps behind me. "Wow, it smells great." I turned around to see her smiling, appraising the table. I poured her a glass of wine and handed it to her as we both sat down.

Once settled we began eating in silence. After a few minutes, the tension seeming to build, I looked up and her expression was conflicted, both happy and hesitant. "What is it? Did I forget something?"

"No, no Edward, it's all perfect. I…um…" She bowed her head, letting her hair shield her face from my view, as her delicate hand fingered the stem of her wine glass.

"Bella, you know you can tell me anything, right?" I soothed as I reached across the small table and took her other hand in mine. I was getting worried she had something bad to say, that she couldn't take it anymore, she was unhappy and she was leaving me. I felt an unexpected panic constrict in my chest.

Her eyes finally rose to meet mine. "Edward, I know I haven't been…there for you." I opened me mouth to protest, but she quickly held up her hand to stop me. "No, I know I haven't, but I want to be, I really do. I know I wasn't the only one that suffered a loss." Her deep brown eyes began to fill with tears. I tightened my hold on her hand. "I know I have been pushing you away, and I don't mean to, I just… truly don't know how to deal with all of this. I'm not as tough as you." Her hand pulled from mine and came up to cover her eyes. I waited, my sense of dread creeping up.

She continued. "This weekend away, was a great idea, thank you. We both really needed it. I want to, and I know it may be too late, but I want to try to…start fresh…if that's possible." She removed her hand from her eyes and looked up at me, hopefully. Her eyes were red and puffy again, but she still looked like an angel, my angel. "'Cause I love you more than life itself and you have been so patient with me, so kind and all I have done is push you away. That is going to stop tonight." Her gaze on me was so tender and remorseful, yet filled with longing.

I let out a sigh of relief and felt a smile form on my lips. My Bella _wanted_ to come back to me. I reached out and took her hand again. "Nothing in the world would make me happier Bella. I love you too, so much, and I honestly haven't minded waiting for you. I have _tried _to understand what you need. But…at the same time…I have missed you…_us_…terribly. I feel like part of me is gone. There is an ache in my chest having nothing to do with my transplant, that I know only your love can remedy." She smiled shyly at me.

"I feel the same way." She replied sweetly, bashfully.

"Then to us." I held up my glass, "to starting fresh." We clinked our glasses and I leaned over and kissed her gently.

We proceeded to eat the rest of our now lukewarm dinners. We chatted lightly about our friends, work and school. I couldn't keep the grin off of my face. It was carefree, like a thick blanket that had been stifling us was lifted and now we were able to move freely. I rubbed circles with my thumb on the back of her hand. She smiled. She would look up shyly from beneath her lashes and blush. The knots would build in my stomach. We were actually flirting with one another.

I poured the last of the wine into our glasses as she placed our plates back on the cart to be picked up, which I put outside our door. She walked up to me, sensually, her glass in hand. "I am ready for that bath now, if you are?" She fingered the buttons on my shirt. My heart began beating fast, erratically. She didn't have to ask me twice.

I smiled at her, brushing the hair from her face. "You go relax for a few minutes and I'll get it ready." She grinned then walked over to the couch.

I went into the bathroom and began filling the enormous tub. I added the freesia bubble bath that was on the counter. I couldn't wait to have her lie with me, her silky skin against mine. When it was filled I went to retrieve her. We walked back into the bathroom and she took my wine glass from me. She looked up at me with a glorious smirk on her face as she began to unbutton my shirt, agonizingly slowly. I was finally starting to see glimpses of my sexy Bella. I felt my heart skip a beat every time her fingers brushed against my chest, sending little shocks through me as I closed my eyes in delight. With so little she had me obviously excited, apparent by the ache in my groin.

Once my shirt was unbuttoned, she gently pushed it over my shoulders, seeming to take in every inch of me as if she had never seen my marred chest before. It fell to the floor in a slight swoosh as she leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss on my scar. I had a flashback to the day I came home from the hospital and she helped me to shower.

That was the day she forgave me, agreed to be my wife, that we started over after my ridiculous mistake. Today felt the same, but we were not trying to recover from one of my stupid mistakes. This tragedy was much worse for no one was at fault. There was no one to blame but our love for one another that created our beautiful baby girl.

But, our early conversation gave me faith that there was an end in sight to our misery, that we could be happy again if we worked at it. She still loved me and God knows I loved her. I was brought out of my reverie as I felt Bella's hands tugging at my belt. My breath hitched.

I reached down to the hem of her shirt and swiftly pulled it over her head, taking in the sight of her perfect breasts as they sat perched in a pink satin bra. By now she had freed me of my pants, smirking slightly as she saw my readiness. I slid her jeans slowly over her trim hips and helped her to step out of her jeans. She looked up at me through her lashes shyly as she removed her undergarments. I helped her get into the tub.

I ached all over in anticipation of her skin connecting with mine, the sweet friction. She settled between my legs, her back to my chest. She wiggled slightly against me and I subdued a moan. When we finally did make love I was going to melt it had been so long.

"The water temperature is perfect, it feels so good." She said as she gathered her hair on top of her head with a hairclip.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me. We sat there for several minutes in each other's embrace. Waves of lust and love in equal parts were rolling off of me. It took all of my restraint to not attack her right there. But, I didn't want to rush her. This had to be at her pace. Just the fact that she wanted to try and start new was enough for me.

My fingers were kneading her shoulders, making their way down her arms to her small waist. "_You_ feel so good." I murmured in her ear with a smile on my lips. She grabbed my hands from around her waist and pushed them up to her breasts. We both gasped at the contact as I began to slowly massage. I was lost in the sheer bliss of having my hands so sensually on my wife again. It had been _so_ long, too long. We had been beyond disconnected. Could one weekend away repair all of that? It seemed we certainly were willing to find out.

Her hand reached up and wove into my hair as I let me fingers trail south.

"Oh God Edward…I have missed…your touch." She gasped and her husky words only fueled my ache for her further. I swiftly flipped her around so our stomachs were touching, her silky skin rubbing against mine in the most sinful of ways. My lips feverishly connected with hers as I held her face delicately in my hands. I couldn't get enough and there was no way I could let this go further, and then hold back.

I pushed her lips back slightly from mine. "Bella," I was trying to catch my breath, "I'm okay if you aren't ready to make love, but I need to know now, before this goes too far. I don't want to push you in any way." My eyes searched her beautiful brown ones for an inkling of what her answer might be.

After a dreadfully long moment she replied, but her eyes wouldn't meet mine. "I'm so sorry Edward, I want to, and I really thought I was ready, but I'm so _scared_. I don't think I can, yet." Her eyes were starting to well up with tears again.

"Shh, it's okay love. Really. I told you I would wait until the end of time for you, and I meant it." I smiled, though weakly, as my loins were throbbing. She smiled back, seeming to gather her emotions. She swiftly stood up, the water cascading down her sumptuous form as she extended a hand to me. I gawked up at her, confused, but took her hand none-the-less.

She led me out of the bathroom, soaking wet, leaving a trail of drips on the dark burgundy carpet, then pushed me, almost forcefully, down on the bed. "Just because I'm not ready, doesn't mean you have to keep being deprived." I looked at her confused but she just smiled wickedly. Before I knew what was happening her mouth was _on_ me. I let out a guttural moan and threw my head back. My hands impulsively went into her hair. Her kissing and licking became quicker and quicker and in no time I felt my release, shuddering all over.

I pulled her naked and still damp body on top of mine as we lay back on the bed. "Thank you love." She smiled shyly at me. "I'm just sorry I couldn't – " I put a finger on her lips to stop her. "No apologies. Whenever you are ready. _I love you_." My fingers lingered along her jaw line. She put her head down on my chest and within minutes we were both sound asleep.

I awoke at some point in the night and went in the bathroom to empty the tub. When I returned to the bedroom. I moved Bella under the covers. She didn't make a sound. It took me awhile to fall back asleep. I just stared at her beautiful, sleeping form, thankful for all that I had, that she was coming back to me.


	6. Chapter 5: Truth Be Told

**Chapter 5: Truth Be Told**

The dawn of Saturday morning through the tall windows of the hotel suite brought a new hope to my life and heart. Bella began to stir in my arms sending a peace through me that I had truly missed. I placed my lips on her forehead. "Good morning, love." She smiled sleepily at me and buried her nose in the crook of my neck, taking in a deep breath.

After a moment, "I missed your smell," she murmured against my skin. I chuckled. Well, I'm glad she missed something of me, at times over the last few months I have truly wondered.

"Is that all you missed?" I asked playfully while tightening my hold on her and entwined one of my legs over hers. Her beautiful brown eyes opened slowly as a silly grin spread on her face. She drew her finger up and began trailing it down my chest. I tried to fight back a groan, but it slipped out. "I missed that." She blushed. I smiled broadly. "And I definitely missed that."

"Well, I missed every little thing about you."

She chuckled, "Is that all?" There was a tense, sensual silence between us, as we lay embraced. Before things got too out of hand and Bella became uncomfortable again I rolled her out of my arms, reached for the phone on the nightstand and ordered our breakfast.

I turned back around to Bella who had moved onto her stomach, exposing her supple, smooth back. I couldn't resist running my finger up her spine, causing goose bumps. Then I realized what I missed the most, this simple closeness that only two soul mates could have. "I missed this." She turned to smile up at me seeming to understand even with my few words.

I needed to shift the mood. "Are you ready for the most relaxing day of your life?" I asked with a grin.

She responded with a raised eyebrow. "Edward, what do you have planned, I thought we were just going to hang out?"

"Nothing big, don't worry, we aren't going anywhere. But, you will find out soon enough." She looked back at me with an exasperated smile, but gave in and didn't ask any more questions. She rolled out of bed, wearing not a stitch, which was truly a sight to behold, and went into the bathroom. I got up as well and threw on a pair of pajama pants. A few minutes later our breakfast arrived and we enjoyed it in happy silence in bed while we watched the weekend news and read the paper, a pastime we hadn't done in far too long.

We left the suite and headed for the elevators, hand in hand. "You really aren't going to tell me what we are doing?" I shook my head. When we got into the wood-paneled elevator I pressed the button for the spa.

"We're going to the spa?" She asked with both surprise and excitement. I simply smiled in affirmation. When we arrived in the lobby of the spa I walked up to the front desk.

"Bella and Edward Masen for their ten o'clock appointments." Bella was twisting around looking at the beautiful lobby. It was bright with ample glass and light colored woods.

A woman opened a door to the right to greet us. "This way Bella and Edward," as she directed us into separate dressing rooms. A gentleman greeted and instructed me how to use the locker, to change into my boxers and robe and then I could meet Bella. Within a few minutes I was walking into a beautiful room filled with plush chairs, ottomans and a gas fireplace. It was extremely cozy. I settled into a chair and grabbed a Sports Illustrated while I waited for her.

Bella walked in just a couple of minutes later wrapped in the same robe, but it practically came to the floor on her. She had her hair up in a ponytail and she was glowing with excitement. She sat down next to me. We didn't have long to wait when the masseuses, Patti and Jen, came into greet us. They gave us each a small cup of herbal tea and said it was a detoxifier. It was sweet like warm honey.

They led us into a dim room with two long tables, side by side. "Bella and Edward, you can disrobe, lie on the bed on your backs and cover yourself with the blankets. We will be back in a few minutes." Jen instructed as they left the room. Once the door was closed I walked over to Bella and pulled the tie on her robe, then slowly pushed the mass of fabric off of her delicate shoulders. I was greeted with what I had hoped – a lot of bare skin and only her panties. I held her hand as she lay down on the table and then I covered her up. I did the same and got comfortable.

"These tables are so comfortable, they have knee support." She laughed. The masseuses came back in the room and as they worked their magic on us there was peaceful silence other than the tranquil nature sounds that were being piped through the speaker system. We had our heads turned so we could look at each other. After a few minutes her eyes slid closed, but I kept mine open, wanting to admire the serene expression on her face. It was one I hadn't seen often as of late.

The next few hours were spent being rubbed, cleansed and pampered. On Emmett's suggestion, I had a manicure. Who would have thought that such a large guy would like something like that? But it did feel good. Bella got a facial and a manicure. We met back in the room with the chairs.

"I feel like I'm made of Jello." She laughed. "What's on the agenda now?"

"Why don't we go back to the room and shower? I'd like to get all of the massage oil off of me…and you. Then we can get something to eat for lunch." I suggested.

She nodded her head but made no move to get up. I reached down, grabbed her hands and pulled her into my arms, held her close for a minute then pushed her towards her locker room. "Go grab your clothes. I'm sure we can wear the robes back to our room." I smiled and did the same.

We met back in the lobby and rode the elevators in silence, my arm draped over her shoulders. Once back at the room Bella went straight into the bathroom. I made a quick decision that I would rather stay in the room for lunch and called for room service again before I went in to join her.

The shower was a large glass-enclosed stall with seven showerheads, including a rainfall one. The room was already filled with steam as I saw Bella's naked form standing under the downpour of hot water. Without haste I joined her, but I made a point to not make physical advances, even though I wanted more than anything to take her in my arms and feel her warm, wet skin against mine.

After a few minutes of washing the aromatic grease from the spa off of us, I was granted my wish as she wrapped her arms around my waist, pushing herself against me. Every inch of her curves fitting perfectly against mine. We stood there for several minutes, letting the water beat down on us in a loving embrace.

"Thank you Edward." She whispered as she looked up at me through water soaked lashes.

"Anything for you love." I smiled and bent my head to kiss her sweetly on the lips. She didn't deepen it so I didn't push. I wanted her to come to me when she was ready, and I recognized it could be quite awhile until that happened, but I was patient. What she had been willing to give so far was more than enough.

We spend the rest of the day in the room in our bathrobes. We ate lunch and ordered a few movies on pay-per-view. It was a perfect Saturday afternoon. By six o'clock I was ready to put on regular clothes and head out of the room with my wife on my arm.

"Do you think you are up to going out for dinner, there are two restaurants in the resort?" I inquired.

"That would be nice. You pick one. I'm not in the mood for anything in particular." I walked over to the hotel information catalog sitting on the table and leafed through it to the restaurant section. I wanted a more formal dinner so she had a reason to don her in her blue dress again. I called and made seven thirty reservations at Burnham's, their American grill restaurant. While I called Bella had gone into bathroom and I could hear the water running.

As I sat back down on the bed, I unexpectedly heard my cell phone ring. I walked over and was even more surprised to see it was Alice.

"Hi Alice." I answered.

"Hi Edward. I'm sorry to bug you, but I just have to know how your weekend is going? Is Bella doing any better? Does she seem to be perking up?" She was speaking so fast I almost couldn't make out the words.

Alice had been my confidant on many occasions when I had no idea where to turn. She had known Bella the longest and although Emmett could be a good sympathetic ear, he did not understand the way that women thought or acted. Alice had been a great support system for both Bella and me through all of this. She truly was a great friend. But, even Alice had felt at a loss at times with Bella. To compound Bella's pain, Alice was five months pregnant and although Bella didn't want to, she was avoiding her more frequently the more that Alice was showing her pregnancy.

I hushed my voice. "It is actually going really well. We spent the morning at the spa and now we getting ready to go to dinner downstairs. She seems to be doing better, definitely smiling more, and admitted to me that she knows she has been pushing me away, which was both a relief to me, and a big step for her. So, all in all, I think the weekend is a success so far."

"Are you going to talk to her about eventually trying to have another baby?" She asked in a concerned voice. Alice and I had talked about it and she thought that although Bella was hurting immensely, she had been so happy when she found out that she was pregnant, she didn't think she would never want to try again. It was just a matter of how much time needed to pass for her to be comfortable with the idea.

I let out a sigh. "Alice, every now and then, I see something in her eyes and I wonder if I will ever grasp how much pain she is still in. So, honestly, I'm not sure. I don't want to push anything, but I think it needs to be talked about. I am going to see how the night goes…I hear the hairdryer turning off I better go. Thanks for calling Alice, it really means a lot." She said goodbye and we disconnected.

Bella walked out of the bathroom moments later with her hair styled in slight waves and lite makeup, just enough to accentuate her already stunning features. She was always beautiful to me, but this was the most that she had done with her appearance in months. Tonight, she was breathtaking in her blue polka dot dress. I smiled at her, she returned it shyly. I walked past her letting my hand brush against hers on the way to the bathroom. I cleaned up as well putting on a suit sans a tie.

We departed for the restaurant on the first floor. As we were seated my conversation with Alice kept running through my mind. I wanted to explain to Bella that there were options if we decided to have a baby again that would make the pregnancy safer. She was aware of the general idea of what could be done, but not the details. But, the weekend was going so well, I didn't want it to take a turn for the worse. I couldn't stand to lose what little ground I had gained between us.

We chatted comfortably as we ordered our food and sipped on wine. She told me that one of her papers was being considered for publication, which would be a huge accomplishment. I felt ashamed that I didn't know. That we had been living together as husband and wife for four months and I felt like I was getting to know her all over again. Bella, sensing the change in my mood, "Don't feel bad that you didn't know Edward. I didn't tell you. I haven't been telling you a lot of things." She smiled sadly.

I paused, wondering if I should be as direct as I wanted to be and decided it was now or never. "What else have you been keeping to yourself, love?" I asked as I reached across the table and took her hand in mine.

She shifted her gaze to the other side of the room, away from mine. I couldn't decide if she was upset or deciding on whether she was going to be honest with me.

When she spoke it was in the lightest of whispers with her eyes staring intently at our hands entwined on the table. "I haven't told you…that I still have nightmares… almost every night. Last night was the first night I didn't in as long as I can remember. They are terrible – as if I am reliving that day over and over again." She took a sip of her drink and swallowed hard. I opened my mouth to say I was sorry that I didn't know, that I hadn't been there to comfort her, but she started speaking again. "As much as logically I know it wasn't my fault, I still blame myself every minute of every day for Olivia's death."

She let out a swift breath of air then inhaled quickly, unevenly. "I feel like there is a hole," she placed a hand flat against her chest, "in me that is never going to go away; that I am forever damaged. Most of the time, I don't even understand why you still love me." Tears began to silently trail down her rosy cheeks.

My guts twisted in anguish at hearing my wife's darkest secrets and thoughts revealed. How could she not understand why I loved her? Had I really been that neglectful? But, I understood completely what she meant when she felt like there was a hole inside of her. I felt it too, a black void, for the loss of our baby and for the perceptible loss of my wife. Only now, as she was opening up to me all of these months later, did I feel an inkling of hope, that one day our life together might be okay again.

Our food had arrived at some point. The waitress must have deciphered that we were having a very private, intense conversation for she did not disturb us with unnecessary questions. Bella's eyes were locked on mine and both of ours were filled with tears.

"Oh, Bella…I feel like I have failed you in so many ways. When I left you, I know it nearly killed you. It was only your strength and love that brought us back together after my sheer act of stupidity. And now, you are here, with me, and I have no idea how to make it better, to comfort you, to be the strength _you_ need."

Her brows furrowed, "Edward, there is nothing more that you could have been doing for me. If you had pushed me any harder, made me talk, I would have ceased to exist even further. I knew I was hurting you, you have been miserable, not playing your piano, working more, but I didn't know any other way to deal with it other than to shut you out…every time I look at you," her voice became even hoarser and pain-filled as she continued, "every time I think of making love to you, I think of our dead baby." She let out a short sob and I tightened my grip on her hand. "And I don't want to be like that anymore. I can't be in the land of the living dead." She said in frustration.

She squared her shoulders as her expression calmed. "When we get back, I am truly going to try and get back to our normal life because obviously my wallowing and self-pity isn't making anything better."

I stared back at her with both respect and frustration. "Don't push yourself on my account Bella. I told you I can wait forever for you, and I meant it. As long as I know you still love me." My voice cracked at the end. Even the mere thought of Bella not loving me anymore sent pain through my heart.

"I do, I still love you so much. And, no, I need to push myself. I need to try to feel human again, feel _anything_ again. Just being here with you, away from it all has opened my eyes."

After a few moments of silence for both of us to absorb the words we had just spoken and heard. "I love you Bella," was all I could think to say.

"I love you too." Although her expression was still a little sad, her brown eyes twinkled at me like they hadn't in a long time. Her mouth then curved up slightly, in the sexiest of ways, sending my pulse into overdrive. I knew what that look in the past had implied, but I didn't want to read too much into it.

Our food had grown cold, but we didn't care, we didn't have much of an appetite anymore. I called the waitress over and asked her to box everything. Once I had settled our bill we headed back to our room, our hearts and hopes a little higher.


	7. Chapter 6: Homecoming

**Chapter 6: Homecoming**

The short trip back to the room was spent in silence. On one hand, I felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted. Bella was opening up to me, completely, finally. Her heart was even more broken than I thought and she was still suffering as if our tragedy had just happened. On the other hand, to hear that she thought of our dead baby every time she looked at me or thought of being intimate with me, well it's no wonder she has been avoiding me. The same weight that felt lift in one way, was then overshadowed by this new dreadful finding.

Once we were in the room, I put our food in the fridge and hung up my suit coat. Bella immediately went into the bathroom and closed the door. I sat heavily on the bed and buried my face in my hands. It seemed it was possible that all the talk in the world couldn't fix us.

Bella came out of the bathroom with her robe on and hung up her dress in the closet. She walked over to me on the bed and put her hands on my shoulders. Automatically, I wrapped my arms around her waist, burying my head in her stomach, breathing in her lovely floral scent. I just needed to hold her, to feel her warmth, her tenderness. Her fingers began to trail through my hair creating chills that radiated down my neck along my spine.

I dared a glance up at her and saw her warm brown eyes staring down at me. Her sweet mouth turned up in a soft smile. My heart skipped a beat. "You are so beautiful, you know that?" She didn't respond, but continued running her hands through my hair and slowly bent her head down to kiss me, softly, but filled with emotions. I wanted to grab her. Make her forget all of the pain in our life, let it just be Bella and me. But, I digressed, and told myself to enjoy her wonderful kiss for she wasn't ready for anything else.

One of Bella's hands left my hair, our lips were still working together harmoniously, and I felt her body shake slightly. I broke away to look down, concerned. She had untied her bathrobe and it hung open to reveal the beautiful lace blue bra and panty set. A fire lit inside of me, a pure burning, but I couldn't let her do this because she felt guilty or pressured.

"Bella, we don't need to do this. It's okay if you aren't ready. I know I pushed you last night – " She placed a finger over my lips. "You have never made me feel pressured, ever. And, I am ready. I am ready to be with _my husband_." She said slowly, seductively as she placed her knees on either side of my lap on the bed. I looked at her once more to ensure she was being truthful - what looked back at me was nothing but love and desire.

I took that as my signal and wasted no more time as I began devouring her neck with my lips, winding my hands underneath her robe to her velvety skin, drawing her closer to me. Every inch of her was warm and pristine as my hands explored her curves, the ones that I had known so well once, but that all of the sudden felt like uncharted territory. My nerves gave me a jolt as if this were our first time together.

I slid the robe off of her shoulders as my kisses made their way down her arm. I felt her unbuttoning my shirt and pushing it down. I swiftly pulled my arms out and captured her face in between my hands. I felt a desperation growing between us as our pace increased. Her hand moved between us to tug on my belt. I help her as I undid the button.

Swiftly I flipped us over and removed my pants and underwear, leaving them in a pile on the floor at the foot of the bed next to her robe. Bella stretched out on the bed watching me, her lips in a smile, but it did not touch her eyes. I crept back over her, taking her face between my hands. "Are you sure you are okay with this?" I asked as my eyes searched hers for the truth.

She nodded, but then her brows knitted together, her gaze was aimed over my shoulder at the ceiling. "I'm _so_ afraid of getting pregnant right now." She smiled weakly, as if embarrassed by her fear. I turned my head to catch her eyes. "Bella, love. Just because we haven't always been that careful, doesn't mean we don't know how." I smiled reassuringly at her. "I promise, no babies, if or until you are ready." Thankfully I had thought to bring condoms with me, just in case. She finally let her face smooth out as she smiled back at me. We stared at each other for a long moment then she reached her lips up to mine and reinstated our passions.

My fingers trailed down her side and took her breast, gently massaging her supple flesh. It fit so perfectly in my hand, filling it just so. I reached around her back and unclasped her bra, releasing them from their captivity, as lovely as it was. I trailed my kisses down her neck and when I made it to her chest I took it in my mouth, suckling and licking, making her moan in delight as her nails began to dig into my back. The mixture of sensation between her silky breast under my tongue and the almost painful clawing at my skin was sending me over the top. I had to take her now.

Seeming to feel the same way she wiggled beneath me, pushing down her panties. I took a moment to put on protection and reinstated my position over her. She drew her legs up over my hips. My mind was wild with lust and desire. At least I had the sense of mind to move slowly as we came together- the pressure and heat was indescribable. We both gasped as our gazes stayed connected, but glazed over. She no longer wore a look of uncertainty or concern, only pure desire, as I am certain mine mirrored.

We began to move together, her hips rising to meet mine, slowly at first, and then quickening our pace, in a choreographed dance, the way only two lovers could. She was holding on to me tightly as her beautiful features contorted with pleasure. It was as if no time had elapsed as we twisted and molded our bodies to one another. Our skin touched at every possible point, driving us to our climaxes at the same moment. I practically collapsed on top of her - overcome with so many emotions. When I caught my breath and looked at her flushed face, I saw a tear run out of the corner of her eye landing in her thick mane of hair spread out beneath her.

"Oh, no, did I hurt you?" I asked in a panic.

She shook her head. "No, these are not tears of pain, for once." She smiled.

I felt so overjoyed at that moment. So filled with love for my wife that all I could do was close my eyes and pray that it would last.

The next morning we woke up at a leisurely pace. We didn't have a reason to rush home so I arranged for late check out. Bella was curled up in bed with the Sunday paper when I came back from the sitting room after speaking with the front desk.

I sat tentatively on the side of the bed next to her. She looked up and smiled at me, reaching out for my hand, entwining her fingers with mine.

"Edward, what's the matter? You look…concerned." She asked sweetly. I was going to try and broach the subject that could send Bella right back to where we started a few days ago. But, I figured, now was as good a time as any, and I really need to know how she felt. If she freaked out, I would let it go completely, but I wouldn't know until I asked.

"No, I'm okay. But, there is something that I have wanted to talk with you about, and I am not sure how you are going to react." Her eyes searched mine for comprehension. I continued when she raised her eyebrows to signal me to continue.

"In no way do I want to push you, and if you aren't ready to talk about it, that is fine, but I need to put it out there." I took a deep breath and tightened my grip on her hand. "Bella, have you thought about _someday_ us trying to have another baby?"

Her face remained still and impassive, which was more worrisome than if she had started crying or yelling. She looked away for a long time then finally let out a sigh.

"I have, of course I have. But…I also know…I couldn't survive this again. I am barely surviving it now." Her gaze finally glided over to meet mine, scorching me with the intensity of pain contained in it. I nodded my head in agreement. Neither of us would make it through another tragedy of this magnitude. But I couldn't resign to the fact that we wouldn't have children because we were scared.

"I know you are still upset that your parents didn't tell you that they had lost a baby before they had you. It wasn't fair for them to keep that from you. But now that we know you are predisposed, there is a procedure you can have done that has a ninety percent success rate." She looked back at me in silence, but I saw the emotions playing in her eyes.

"I don't want you to decide anything today, but I would really like if you would consider meeting with the specialist to discuss the options. Just to talk, nothing more." I added to reassure her.

A long moment passed before she spoke. "Okay…I will go talk to the doctor, then we can discuss it and decide."

I leaned over and kissed her. "Thank you. And you know if it is too much and you are not ready, just tell me and we will back off." She nodded then kissed me again.

We arrived home around four o'clock. I was eager and anxious to see if our weekend, full of honesty and love, would filter through to our regular life. I had high hopes that it would be but remained guarded.

Once in the confines of our apartment, I tried to not let our past sorrows weigh us down. I walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and noticed that we didn't have much to eat.

"Bella, I am going to run to the store and grab a few things. We don't have anything to eat."

I heard her chuckle upstairs. "Sorry about that. Do you mind if I stay here and unpack?"

"That's fine. I won't be gone long. Any requests?" I asked while grabbing the apartment keys off of the hook by the door. The family owned organic market that we frequented was right around the corner so I didn't need the car keys, I could easily walk.

"Just some granola bars, other than that, whatever looks good to you."

"Okay, see you soon. Love you." I replied as I opened the door. I heard her respond with a _love you too_ as I walked out. It seemed too good to be true that one weekend away had lifted the depression and pain that had been haunting us for months. Was the despair still there, just hidden for the moment only to resurface when we least expect it? Or, had we really turned a corner to a happier time in our life.

I walked with a quick step the two blocks. It wasn't quite dusk, but there was a chill in the air being early May in Chicago. I browsed through the store making sure to pick up some of Bella's favorite items, granola bars, fresh fruit, yogurt, and fresh ciabatta bread. I also grabbed some pasta, pesto sauce, ingredients for salad and cheeses. I was going to make my wife dinner for a change.

I arrived home an hour later and proceeded to put the groceries away. Bella must still be upstairs. I walked through the living room towards the staircase when I eyed my piano, covered in proverbial dust. I lifted the lid concealing the ivory keys and slid it back in place. I reverently let my fingers glide across the keys, the first time I had touched it in months, before deciding to sit down and play.

The first song that came to mind was the one I wrote for Bella. At first I played tentatively, unsure if my old friend was welcoming me back. My fingers felt stiff. But after a minute, the music seemed to flow from within me and take over. I became so engrossed that I didn't even notice Bella coming down the stairs until she sat down next to me. I didn't remove my gaze from the keys, but felt my lips turn up into a familiar grin as her warmth radiated into me from her close proximity.

When I finished, the last C sharp note still hanging in the air, we sat in silence.

When she finally spoke, her words came out in a whisper, her index finger gently tracing a key, but not pressing on it. "I didn't realize how much I missed your music until now. It is so beautiful. It fills this cold apartment with such love."

"I missed having a reason to play, love." I replied while turning to put my arm around her. "Are you getting hungry? I got some things for dinner."

"What are we cooking?" She asked.

"_We_ are not cooking anything. _I_ am cooking tortellini with pesto sauce."

She chuckled. "You better watch out Edward. I am getting far too spoiled after these last few days."

I laughed back. "I have to make up for lost time." I smirked trying to keep the mood light. I leaned over and kissed her cheek quickly then walked into the kitchen to start preparing dinner. She stood up a few moments later and followed me, but didn't come into the kitchen, instead she pulled up one of the bar stools that we rarely used and sat down opposite me. I went in the refrigerator and pulled out the salad ingredients, got a cutting board and knife and began chopping. Bella watched me while I worked, which made me slightly self-conscious. I was not exactly a whiz in the kitchen.

She got up and poured some wine, setting a glass down next to me on the counter before she returned back to the stool to observe me some more. After ten minutes of comfortable silence, I had made the salad and was moving onto the pasta.

"So…when can we go see this specialist?" She asked out of the blue. I looked up at her with wide eyes. It caught me completely by surprise. Although she had agreed to indulge me and look into preventative measures _if _we decided to have another baby, I had never expected for her proactively bring it up.

"I can call her tomorrow and see when we can get in." I answered, hopefully with not too much excitement. I didn't want to scare her by letting her know how excited I was that she was coming around to the idea.

Our eyes were locked, when we were startled out of the moment by Bella's cell phone ringing on the counter. I reached over and handed it to her, in the process noticing it was Renee. Bella had barely spoken with her mother since we lost the baby. She was still angry with her and in some ways wanted to blame her. But Renee had been terribly worried about her daughter, just as we all had, and kept trying to reassure her that she could get past this and still have a healthy, full-term birth. Bella had not been in a state to listen to her, possibly until now.

Bella flipped the phone open as she gave me a grimace. "Hi Mom," she answered as she grabbed her wine glass and retreated to the couch. I turned my attention back to dinner. I very much wanted to listen to their conversation, but wasn't going to invade her privacy. Besides, she would tell me after if she wanted. Without hearing her specific words, I could already tell that the inflections in her voice were returning. I heard her laugh lightly, something she hadn't done with Renee in ages. I bet Renee was near giddy on the other end.

I put a pot of water on to boil and although I was tempted to go sit next to Bella, I didn't want to disturb her. Instead I settled for watching her from afar, getting lost in the soft melodies her voice created as she replayed our day at the spa to her mother. She absentmindedly twisted a strand of hair around her index finger. I watched her smile and laugh, the soft movement of her full lips as she spoke, her face full of expression again. I felt as though I was falling in love with her all over again. I was completely in awe of her beauty and grace.

I was so wrapped up in her I hadn't realized that the conversation had ended or that the water was boiling furiously behind me on the stove. "Edward." Although I heard my name being called I couldn't make my mind register it. I was dreaming back to one of our earlier dates when she dragged me to the farmer's market and the zoo. It was a beautiful day and the sun shone on her hair making it practically sparkle as she smiled gloriously at me. Then it switched to an image I recalled most distinctly – she was kissing me passionately in front of the lion exhibit. If I could have, I would have taken her right there on the concrete walkway. That was how badly I craved her. It was pure and untainted then.

I was reminded once again how vital Bella was to my very existence. How, for the last several months, even though she had been suffering immensely, I was literally _dead_ inside without her. Yes, the loss of our baby hurt me, but it was nothing compared to the loss of her. I had experienced it when I left her as well, but at that time, I had thought my pain was for a good reason. I was giving her a chance to start over. This pain that we had felt together, there was no silver lining, even in my delusional way of thinking, only pure, raw torture. And now, that I had a glimpse of a happy life again, I was overcome with how retched and miserable I had been the past months being deprived the opportunity to just _love_ my wife. It had chaffed and worn at my very core.

"Edward…are you alright?" I brought my gaze back into focus as I felt her slender arm snake around my waist and tug at me slightly.

I looked down at her and smiled. "I am more than okay." _I have my heart back._


	8. Chapter 7: Dr Burke

**Chapter 7: Dr. Burke**

"Bella, are you ready to go?" I called from the kitchen where I set down my bag.

"I'll be down in just a sec." She called from the bedroom. I heard her come down the stairs and then she was standing in front of me. "Sorry, I got home from my study group later than I thought and I needed to change my clothes."

I leaned forward and kissed her quickly. She grabbed her purse and we headed for the Volvo. We arrived at the doctor's office fifteen minutes later. Bella looked up at me nervously before I got out of the car and opened her door for her.

"Don't worry love. We are just going to talk with Dr. Burke. No decisions need to be made today, just gathering some information." I said to try and reassure her, wipe away the worry that was creasing her brow. "Okay?"

She nodded and we headed into the office. We sat in the doctor's office for a few minutes before she came in. Bella was playing nervously with her wedding ring. I placed my hand over hers. "We can go right now if this is too much?"

"No, no Edward, I'm fine. Really." She responded with a forced smile. Before I could push the issue any further Dr. Burke walked in.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Masen, nice to meet you." She said as she held out her hand. Bella and I both shook it before we sat back down and she took her place behind her desk. I had not met Dr. Burke before, she was a High Risk Perinatal Obstetrician, but she came highly recommended by Bella's OB/GYN, Dr. Bradley, as a leader in her specialty. Being a member of the medical community definitely had its perks in situations like this. Normally it could have taken six to eight weeks to get an appointment, but she was willing to fit us in fairly quickly.

"I understand from Dr. Bradley that you had a pre-term delivery at nineteen and a half weeks due to an incomplete cervix?" She asked Bella.

Bella just nodded in response. I could see she was fighting to control her emotions as she blinked quickly.

"And at the time you did not know that there was a history of incomplete cervix in your family, your mother, correct?" I quickly glanced at Bella and decided it was best if I did the talking.

"Yes, her parents lost a child before Bella was born. They did not inform us of this until after." I could see from the look on Dr. Burke's face that she couldn't comprehend why they would do that, but she wasn't going to push the issue further.

She set the file down and folded her hands on the desk. "Well, the good news is that you are young, and we have come a long way in prevention and control of this problem. The most commonly used procedure, a Trans Vaginal Cerclage or TVC is performed after you have conceived, at about twelve weeks of pregnancy. We would put a few heavy weight stitches in your cervix to help it to remain stable. Although this is the most common, and the least invasive, it only has a sixty percent success rate." She paused to see if we had any question. When we didn't speak, she continued. "The other option, which is what I would recommend for you given your family history, is a Trans Abdominal Cerclage or TAC. It is more invasive, permanent and performed previous to conception. A ring is inserted internally at the top of your cervix. Any births would have to be by cesarean section. Although this is inserted internally, the procedure is done laparoscopically."

Bella looked over at me with worried eyes. I squeezed her hand in reassurance. I certainly did not like the idea of her having any sort of surgery, but this procedure did have a very good success rate. I had done research and for the most part women recovered from the procedure in a couple of weeks.

We talked with the doctor for another half an hour. She reassured Bella that unfortunately her condition is not that uncommon and she was happy to say that many women had gone on to successfully carry babies to full-term after a loss. She said that if we wanted to move forward she could have us scheduled in two weeks. It was actually very good timing because Bella was finishing finals this week and then would be off for the summer. She opted, with my prodding, to take the summer off from school and relax for once. It had been a busy and stressful year between the wedding and the pregnancy.

When we left, unsurprisingly, Bella was very quiet. I held her hand on the ride home while we both absorbed what the doctor had told us. Dr. Burke reassured Bella that what she was going through was completely normal and that although she was scared, Dr. Burke felt very confident she could help us to have a healthy, full-term birth.

Bella had held up her end of the bargain and went to see the specialist with me. I was not going to push her anymore at this point. I wanted to believe that she would come around on her own – see that this was a good option – as opposed to not having children at all. But, I was nervous for her reaction to all of the information that had just been thrown at her.

We arrived home a few minutes later. It was Friday evening, but we had no plans. Bella put her purse on the counter and was heading towards the stairs. "Do you feel like doing anything tonight, maybe rent a movie?" I asked.

"Sure, that sounds fine." She called over her shoulder, but didn't turn around to look at me. I felt a panic start to rise up in me. What if I had pushed her too much? What if she faded away again? I _couldn't_ handle that. I _almost_ think that I could accept her saying she never wanted to have children, but not that.

Since we had returned from our miraculous weekend getaway, two weeks ago, there had definitely been a change in the air. I couldn't say that it was entirely back to the old ways, not that I thought it ever truly could be, we have suffered too much to come out unaltered. But, she had certainly been more present in our marriage, more talkative and affectionate. Even with that, I still occasionally caught that look in her eyes, a look of pure sorrow and hopelessness that I feared would never truly leave her.

I heard the shower turn on upstairs and thought it would be a good time to run out and grab a movie. I was back in twenty minutes with a movie and Chinese takeout. She was just coming downstairs when I walked in.

"Oh, I didn't even realize you had left. Sorry." She said as she walked into the kitchen.

"That's okay. I didn't want to bother you while you showered and I figured I could make it back before you were done. I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of picking up Chinese."

She smiled. "What'cha get?"

"Shrimp lo mein, sesame chicken and egg rolls." I replied while pulling everything out of the bag and getting plates out.

"Yum, I'm starving. I'll go set up the movie." Okay, apparently I was reading too much into her silence because she seemed fine now. Maybe she was just overwhelmed. _Stop freaking out Edward, things are definitely better._

I brought our food into the living room along with two sodas. "I am just going to run up and change quickly." I said as I headed towards the stairs. I was still in my work clothes. When I came back down in shorts and a t-shirt, Bella was watching the previews on the DVD, which was fine with me, I always want to skip to the movie.

We ate our dinner in comfortable silence as the movie started. I purposefully picked a light romantic comedy, something I thought that she would like. The evening passed by uneventfully. We cuddled on the couch and then headed up to bed around ten thirty.

The next morning I was sitting at the kitchen table looking through the newspaper when Bella came downstairs, poured herself some coffee and came to sit next to me. We sat for a few minutes before she spoke up. "Aren't you going to ask me what I think of our meeting with Dr. Burke yesterday?" Her eyebrows were knitted together in confusion, it was adorable.

I turned to her and smiled slightly. "I didn't want to push you. I figured you would talk to me when you were ready. After all, our deal was that you just went to the meeting and gathered information, that's all."

"Edward, it's okay. I think I need to be pushed sometimes." Her lips turned up slightly, but I wouldn't call it a smile. She was in self-assessment mode.

"Besides, I have thought about it and I think I should get the procedure, the second one that requires surgery." I looked back at her with a surprised expression. I certainly hadn't dared to hope that she would come around this quickly. "I mean, if we are going to try this again, I want to make sure we have the best chances possible." She reached out and squeezed my hand. "Maybe I can spend my pregnancy hanging up-side-down." She chuckled.

I was frantically trying to gather my thoughts as I was completely taken off guard by her announcement. "Bella, I think that is great, but I want to make sure we are doing this because _you_ are ready, not because you want to make me happy."

"I know and thank you, but I'm ready. The last few weeks have been…really good…feeling like we are for the most part back to normal."

I nodded in agreement. "I know what you mean. I've been really happy too, but that doesn't mean you have to rush into this."

"Either way, I'm ready. Plus, with my taking the summer off," she scowled in a cute way at me, "it will give me plenty of time to recover." There was such certainty in her voice I knew not to question her further. Once Bella had made up her mind to do something - that was it. She had told me that the hardest part for her was the decision making, but once it was decided, she never wavered.

"Okay…I will call Dr. Burke."

"Great. Now, unless you had plans for us today," I shook my head – I didn't have anything planned. "I am going to call Alice to see if she wants to take her swollen feet for a pedicure." She squeezed my hand then got up to retrieve her cell phone from her purse.

I watched her talked animatedly with her friend. Every time she laughed now it made my heart soar. After a few moments, I turned back to the paper and continued reading the sports scores.

I called Dr. Burke's office on Monday and was able to schedule the procedure for the following Thursday. I was at work when I called and called Bella immediately after.

"Hi love. I spoke with Dr. Burke's office and we are scheduled for a week from Thursday."

"Great, that gives me a few days to relax after finals are over." I smiled into the phone at her positive response. I had half expected her to back out.

"Do you know what time you are going to be home tonight?" She asked.

"I have a surgery in the afternoon, but I should be home by six thirty or seven."

"Okay, great. I am cooking a nice meal tonight for us. Have a good day. I love you."

"I love you too."

The remainder of the day went off without a hitch. The last few weeks at work had been much more enjoyable since I wasn't fighting a constant internal battle to _not_ think about our problems and our seeming nonexistent marriage.

When I opened our front door, I was greeted with Bella in the kitchen, in an apron, hard at work at the stove. I walked right over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, placing a kiss on her neck.

"Well, hello to you too." She laughed.

"What delicacies are you cooking up tonight?" I rested my chin on her shoulder.

"Stuffed chicken," she replied as she stirred something in a pot.

"You know the direct path to my heart, don't you love?"

"I'm tricky like that." I felt her smile against my own cheek.

"What time is the appointment next Thursday?" She asked as she put the spoon in her hand on the counter and turned around to face me.

I reached in the fridge and grabbed the bottle of white wine that was already open. "We have to be at the hospital by nine o'clock. Dr. Burke will meet with you quick for a per-surgical assessment and then you should be in the operating room by ten." I said while pouring two glasses.

When she didn't say anything, I felt my stomach knot in nervousness. "Are you having second thoughts?" I asked, fearfully, as I took her hand and led her out of the kitchen to the living room where we settled onto the couch. I put my arm around her and she snuggled into my shoulder.

"No, not second thoughts, I guess I hadn't really thought about how this is surgery, like at a hospital."

"Yes, but don't worry. Since it is being done laparoscopically, the recovery shouldn't be too bad. You will most likely be sore for a few days, that's all. I don't mean to dismiss the fact that it is surgery, but the risks are very minimal."

"Well, as long as you are going to be with me, making sure those other doctors are on the straight and narrow, I'm sure it will be fine." She smiled, but I recognized the concern she was trying to hide.

"Did you tell Alice about it?"

"Yes, and she is very happy and excited for us." We both paused to take a sip from our glasses. I was running my fingers through her hair as she leaned further into me. "She and Jasper start their prenatal classes tonight. She said he was getting more and more excited about the baby since it is getting close."

"I think I can picture Jasper with an infant more than Alice." I laughed.

"Yeah, she will probably get upset every time it spits up on her designer burp clothes."

The following Thursday rolled around and Bella and I were both anxious to get the procedure over with. We were in the car on the way to the hospital, her hand entwined with mine. Once we arrived I checked her in at admissions and she was brought back to her room to change.

"Good morning Bella, Edward." Dr. Burke said as she came into the room. Bella was in the hospital bed in a standard issue gown that she somehow made look good. I was trying my best to block out flashbacks of the last time Bella donned a faded cotton gown and lay in an adjustable bed. I sensed she was doing the same.

"Do you have any questions about the procedure?" The doctor asked.

"I know we went through this in your office, but what is the typical recovery time and how soon after can we try and conceive?"

Before the doctor could answer I turned to her and said softly, "Love, there will be no need to rush, you will need to take your time to recuperate."

"I know Edward, but we still need to know these things." She responded firmly while turning back to the doctor.

"Most patients feel normal after about a week or so, some have discomfort for a little while longer. It is good that you have some time off from school so that you can take it easy. As far as conceiving, only you two will know when you are ready, but I would say on average by your four week post operative check most couples are ready."

"Okay, thank you." Bella said.

"If you don't have any other questions, I will be doing a quick exam by ultrasound and then we will get you into the operating room."

The doctor proceeded with the exam and as she said, Bella was in surgery by the next hour. As a professional courtesy Dr. Burke invited me into the operating room to observe, but my role was as husband not physician. God forbid something went wrong and I was stuck in there not being able to contribute. No, I would prefer to pace the waiting room like all of the other anxious spouses.

Alice had begged us to come to the hospital, but we both agreed that it would be better for her to stay at home. I wasn't able to take more than a few days off of work and Alice had volunteered to come over and help Bella should she need it.

I was moving around anxiously in the surgical waiting room, my hair entirely disheveled from me constantly running my hands through it for the last two hours. I continued having this nagging, unrelenting feeling in the back of my head that something about Bella's demeanor was off. Both of us had been both apprehensive and nervous to get the procedure over with, but something else was there that I couldn't identify.

I finally sat down and took another sip of coffee, then went back to staring at my hands. I hadn't even notice her walk in, but looked up abruptly when a slim, familiar hand reached out to mine. Rosalie.

She didn't say anything, just sat with me holding my hand, which I appreciated more than anything she could verbally communicate. There had just been a couple of times throughout my life that I have truly missed the comfort of having parents in my life and this was certainly one of them. Rose inherently knew that.

Up until two years ago, I had been truly on my own, and had adjusted to only relying on myself, no matter how difficult the situation. It has been a wonderful addition to have both Bella and my sister in my life now, to have two strong women that I could rely on for support.

Dr. Burke finally emerged through a side door, thankfully smiling. "Everything went fine, just as expected. She is in recovery now if you would like to see her." I turned to Rose and she shooed me along with a wave of her hand. Dr. Burke turned around and I followed her.

When I arrived at Bella's bedside she was still unconscious. I pulled up a chair and took her hand in mine as I watched her sleep peacefully. A wave of relief unexpectedly hit me causing me to take in a deep gasp of air. I was fighting back the tears when she began to stir awake.

"Edward." She said in barely a whisper.

"Yes, love. I am right here. You did great, everything went fine." I soothed as I brushed the hair away from her forehead. She opened her eyes and smiled weakly at me and then sleep overtook her once again.

I took Bella home the next day. She was still uncomfortable, but able to move around a little and really wanted to be in her own bed. I planned on being home and tending to her all weekend and then Alice and Rose were going to help out as needed. Given that both of them only worked part-time now, they were fairly flexible.

On Sunday Emmett, Rosalie and Lizzie stopped over with pizza.

"Hey guys, come on in." Bella said as she opened the door. She was moving gingerly, but felt a lot better when she didn't lie in bed all day. I kept trying to do things for her, but she wouldn't let me. _Damn stubborn woman._

"Thanks for bringing dinner. I haven't been very successful in the cooking department." I smirked as I took the pizza from Emmett and stuck it in the oven to warm up. Bella turned and smiled at me. "That's non-sense, I love grilled cheese and soup for every meal, even breakfast." Everyone laughed as we settled around the kitchen table.

"So how are you feeling?" Rose asked as she pulled her daughter onto her lap to eat goldfish

"I'm okay, pretty sore, but nothing too horrible." She reached over and took my hand. "Edward has been taking good care of me."

Rose looked across the table at me, at first with a scowl, and then her face relaxed into a smile. "Good or else I would have to kick his butt."

Emmett chuckled. "Sorry, Edward, but I would bet on my wife in that situation."

"Not to worry Emmett, I would too."

Everyone left by eight o'clock to get Lizzie home for her bedtime. I put all of the dishes away and cleaned up while she sat at the table. I glanced over at Bella and she looked exhausted. Without much thought I walked over and scooped her out of the chair into my arms and headed upstairs.

"Edward! What are you doing? I can walk for myself." She scowled but held a smirk on her beautiful face. When I arrived in our room I placed her on the bed and handed her the remote for the television.

"You aren't going to join me?" She asked with curiosity in her voice.

"No, I'm going to go take a quick shower." I said as I headed towards the bathroom.

"Who said I didn't want to shower too?" She replied innocently, I smiled, as she followed me into the bathroom. We shucked our clothes and stepped inside the glass-enclosed stall. I took a moment to exam her incisions, which looked to be healing well.

I reached over and grabbed her strawberry shampoo, poured some in my hands and applied it to her thick mane. She let out whimpers of delight as I took my time working my fingers through her thick hair. After I rinsed it thoroughly, I lathered up the loofa and began washing her glorious skin. I watched as her eyes rolled back in her head as I worked my way down her torso.

I leaned over and whispered in her ear. "What, you think you are the only one that can seduce a post-surgical patient in the shower?" She laughed lightly, but then turned her head quickly and captured my lips with hers, moving eagerly against mine. The suds that were cascading down her body caused the areas where are skin connected to be slippery and all that more sensual.

I wrapped my arms around her as the hot water beat down on us. After several minutes I broke away. "I truly regret saying this," my voice felt thick in my throat, "but you know Dr. Burke said no intercourse until your check up."

"I do recall." She responded against my lips as I felt her hand move down my torso to its destination. A groaned escaped me as I kissed down her neck. Who would have thought such a little, delicate hand could grant such a wonderful amount of pleasure. After a few minutes oh thoroughly enjoying her touch, I mimicked her and let my hand slip between us until I heard a gasp. She was biting her full bottom lip. Just the sight of that, how unbearably sexy she was, pushed me over my peak. She clung to me in desperation, almost biting through the skin on my shoulder then nearly collapsing in my arms.

I dried her off with a big, fluffy towel, wrapped her up, and carried her to our bed, placing her warm body under the covers. I went back in the bathroom for a moment and when I came back out she was already sound asleep. I curled up next to her, taking her in my arms which didn't cause even an inkling of a stir, and flipped on the television.

The next morning, Monday, I had to return to work. I left without waking Bella, but put a note on her nightstand asking her to call me for anything. Alice was coming over later in the morning to keep her company.

"Dr. Masen, how is your wife feeling?" My co-worked Andrew asked me. I hadn't told many people of our situation, hospitals tend to be giant gossip mills, but I had taken some extended weekends and he had helped to cover for me.

"She is doing well, thank you. I'm so glad they were able to complete the procedure laproscopically. It has made her recovery much easier."

"Did the Perinatal Specialist let you sit in?" He asked curiously.

I chuckled, always a surgeon first. "She did offer, but I opted to stay in the waiting room." Andrew looked back at me with a confused scowl but didn't press the issue further.

I was half way through my day, grabbing a sandwich for lunch, when my cell phone buzzed on my hip. Bella. "Hello, love. I have been waiting to hear from you."

"Hello love to you too." A sweet voice, that was not my wife's, answered on the other line.

"Hi Alice." I laughed. "What can I do for you?" I suddenly became panicked. "Is Bella okay?"

"Calm down, yes she's fine. I thought you would want to know that she is up and moving around pretty well today. She said that I shouldn't call and bother you at work, but I reassured her that you would want an update on our patient." I heard Bella in the background yelling at Alice to give her the phone. There was a pause and the sound of scuffling fabric.

"Hi Edward. How's your day." Bella asked slightly breathless.

"Better now, I'm glad that you are feeling well, but you _are _taking it easy I hope." I said with a slightly paternal tone.

"Yes, Alice isn't letting me do anything. We are working on her registry online." Is she okay doing that? Wouldn't it upset her? "I'm fine, it was my idea." She responded, seeming to understand my silence. I breathed out a sigh of relief. As I was collecting myself, my pager went off in my coat pocket.

"I would love to chat more, but I have to run. I will call when I am on my way home and don't worry about dinner, I will make us something."

"Edward, all I am doing is sitting here all day, the least I can do is cook us dinner." She replied in an exasperated tone. I laughed lightly. "I would argue with you…but I know it is a lost cause."

"You are learning." I sensed the smile in her voice. "I love you and will see you later."


	9. Chapter 8: Good To Go

**Chapter 8: Good To Go**

Four weeks had passed since Bella's procedure and life had gone on as usual…for the most part. I would have liked to say that she was back to her "old self", but that was not entirely true. From time to time, when she thought I was wasn't looking, I caught glimpses of that familiar pain flit through her gaze. Her beautiful, delicate features would smooth over in a mask of discontent, but as quickly as it came, it was gone again, leaving me to wonder which specific memory had brought it on. Was it when I left her, the loss of our child, her inability to open up to me for months since the sight of me brought on more hurt? The list seemed to go on for far too long.

Bella and I were arriving at Dr. Burke's office for her post-surgical check. She performed the exam by ultrasound to ensure that the cerclage was still in place, which it was. Everything seemed to have healed as expected, which of course was a relief.

"Bella, you can get dressed and I will be back in a few minutes." Dr. Burke said as she left the room. She quickly slipped on her jeans. She had worn a pale blue, striped button down which I handed to her. She was buttoning it up when I noticed that her hands were shaking. I stood up and covered her hands with mine. "Here, let me do that." She looked up at me quickly with an odd expression, but conceded, letting her hands drop to her sides.

The doctor came back in the room before I had a chance to question her.

"Bella, Edward, everything looks great, you're good to go. Judging from your ovaries you are right in mid-cycle and about to ovulate. This is good timing for you guys if you're ready. Once you do conceive, I will want to monitor you weekly to ensure that your cervix is not thinning." Dr. Burke was smiling, as was I, Bella was not. Her face was void of any emotion as she fiddled with the strap to her purse in her lap.

"Do you have any questions?" She asked. Bella looked up quickly, seeming to be shook out of her daze. "No, I don't, do you Edward?"

"No I don't. Thank you Dr. Burke." I replied as I stood up. "Hopefully we will see you soon." I smiled as I extended my hand to her, which she shook. I led Bella out of her office back to the Volvo.

For the next few minutes, other than the hum of the tires on the freeway, there was utter silence. I glanced over and she didn't _seem_ to be upset, possibly just thoughtful. I reached over and took her hand in mine.

"You okay love?"

She slowly turned her head towards me, at first wearing a concerned expression, but then her lips turned up in a soft smile. "Yes, I'm fine, just tired I think."

"I was planning a nice evening out for us, but if you are not up for it, I can cancel our reservations." I said casually, though inside I felt completely deflated. I had hoped that tonight we could have a little celebration and possibly get a jump-start on trying to conceive if she was ready.

"No, no, don't cancel…I'll be fine. I'll just lie down for a few minutes when we get home."

When we arrived home Bella headed straight upstairs without a word. After a few moments of trying to not overreact that she was once again emotionally regressing, her cell phone rang on the counter. I picked it up.

"Hi Alice."

"Hi Edward. How did the doctor's appointment go? Everything still good?" She asked hopefully.

"Yes, everything looks great. Dr. Burke said she has healed very nicely. We just have to let her know once we have conceived because she wants to monitor Bella weekly." I said while running my hands through my hair, attempting to feel as positive as my voice sounded.

"That's great. I'm so glad to hear it. Jasper and I have been thinking about you two all day."

"Thanks Alice, that's very thoughtful of you."

"Are you still planning on taking her dancing tonight?" She asked calmly, though I could tell she was trying to reign in her enthusiasm. She had told me on more than one occasion that although she loved her husband with all her heart, his date planning skills were lacking. She was had been a little jealous at some of the things I have planned for Bella and me over the years.

"When we left the doctor's office she was very tired and went right up to lie down. I told her we could cancel, but she said no, she just needed to rest. Though, when I tell her what we are doing, she might change her mind." I laughed lightly. The few times that Bella and I had gone dancing we had a great time, but it took some serious arm-twisting on my part to get her to go in the first place.

Alice and I disconnected and then I went upstairs to check on Bella. She was as I had expected, curled up on our bed with her red throw blanket over her, sound asleep. To her credit, it did look like she tried to read since there was a book, one of the many she was currently reading, open beside her. I took the opportunity to jump in the shower so that it would be free when she awoke and needed to get ready.

As I enjoyed the warmth of the shower, its heat helping to push away some of the tension that had taken up permanent residence in my shoulders, I thought about how Bella had acted earlier. I would be the first to admit that she rarely reacted to situations how I thought she would, but she didn't seem the least bit happy that the doctor gave us the okay. Although our sex life had certainly improved since our heart to heart on our weekend away, and she was always receptive to me, there was definitely a spark missing that had been there before.

Not to say that I mind initiating, but she had certainly done her fair share of seducing in the past. She had a way of looking at me, and it could be from across the room, that would literally knock the breath out of me. I would immediately be by her side where she would suggest some completely inappropriate place that we could run off to. Of course I couldn't resist her – I'd like to see any man that could. She is truly the whole package, beauty, brains, sexy, and a sense of humor. I still wonder how I got so lucky.

Maybe, what happened to us had forever changed the fabric of our being and I should stop expecting it to go back to how it was. As long as Bella loves me and is happy, that is enough for me.

I was brought out of my reverie when I heard the bathroom door open.

"Hi." Bella said sweetly in her sleepy voice.

"Hi, love. Do you feel better? You only slept for about forty-five minutes."

"I think it was enough though. Once I shower I'm sure I'll be fine." She replied.

I turned off the water, opened the door to grab a towel and dried myself off. Bella was leaned up against the vanity counter still in a daze. "It's all yours." I said as I kissed her on the cheek. She shed her clothes and was about to get in. "Oh, Alice called and wanted to know how the appointment went. I let her know everything was fine."

"Okay, thanks." She said as I closed the bathroom door. I went to the closet and searched for what to wear – black slacks and a light blue button down will work, no tie. Once I was ready I went downstairs to take care of some things before we left.

Bella came down the stairs a little while later, just as I was finishing up. She was beyond stunning in a black dress with a full skirt. I had never seen it before. It graced her figure perfect and fell to just below her knee. It showed off her toned arms and perfect legs.

I knew I was staring at her like a piece of meat, but I couldn't help it. She laughed as she walked over to me and ran a finger along the side of my neck down into the upper part of my chest left exposed by my shirt. I fought my instinct to let my eyes roll back from the wonderful sensation. "I guess you think my new dress looks nice." She smiled as she reached up and kissed my cheek.

"'Nice' it not the word I would have used, more like 'lethal'" I said as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. She was much taller than I was used to due to her red high heels. I leaned over and took at better look at them. "Are those comfortable? Not that I entirely care because they are damn sexy."

She laughed lightly then looked down and stuck her foot out, "Yes, surprisingly." She narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

I purposely avoided her question. "You ready?" I asked as I tugged her towards the door. She laughed, knowing full well what I was trying to pull. "Yes, just let me grab my phone."

We arrived at the restaurant twenty minutes later. It was the same Hispanic place I had taken her on our second date over two years ago. We had a great meal, just like before, and easy conversation. She was still trying to decide whether she really wanted to go on to complete her Ph.D. She was starting to plan Alice's baby shower, so we discussed possible venues. I told her about some of my patients.

When we left I headed straight to the dance club. She was looking at me with a scowl and a grin, but didn't say a word. I pulled up in front and was surprised that she didn't start throwing a fit. I walked around and opened her door for her, offering her my hand and once again admiring her glorious legs.

As we walked in she still didn't rebuke, just held a serene smile on her face, like she knew something that I didn't. I found us a table by the dance floor, seated Bella and went over to the bar. I brought her back a glass of wine. I stuck with water since I was driving and had already had a drink at dinner. Bella's eyes were cast on the dance floor watching a few other couples. She had a devious grin on her face. I sat down beside her and after I tore my eyes off her, which was a feat in itself, I followed her gaze. She was watching a tall blonde woman and a larger man dancing a waltz, and they were quite good.

I felt my brows knit together in confusion. "Is that...?" I pointed as I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder. I turned quickly to see Jasper and Alice standing behind me. Bella was giggling, covering her mouth with her hands as took in my dumb-founded expression.

"I guess we surprised him, huh?" Jasper said as he laughed with the girls. The other couple, I now saw for certain as they came walking over to us, were Rose and Emmett,.

I turned to Bella and pointed a finger at her. "You're sneaky! And here I thought you were going to fight me on going dancing, so I had to trick you, while all along you planned this."

Her face still held a mischievous grin. "I knew you wouldn't _let_ me plan anything for your birthday, so I thought we would do it without you knowing." I was still shocked. My birthday wasn't until the end of next week and I certainly hadn't expected anything with all that was going on.

I leaned over and kissed her full on the lips. "Thank you and I love you."

"You're welcome." She smiled against my lips. "Happy birthday Edward."

"Okay, okay, enough with the kissy-face, let's get back to celebrating." Emmett boomed. I turned to look at him. "I had no idea you could or liked to dance." I said.

"Well, you aren't the only one that Mom forced to take lessons, if you do recall, and I made Emmett take lessons before our wedding." Rosalie said with a smirk.

"I'm going to attempt to dance," said Alice from behind me, "but I'm not sure how off balance I will be." She laughed while she ran a hand over her swelled stomach. She was definitely growing by the second, especially having been so tiny to begin with. It was hard to imagine, even as a doctor, that she and my sister will end up giving birth to roughly the same size babies. It didn't seem physically possible.

I swiftly stood up and held my hand out to my wife, which she accepted, and I pulled her close to me. A rumba was just starting to play and it was one of my favorites. She seductively shook her hips as me went to the center of the floor.

We spent the next several hours dancing, laughing and talking at our table. Alice was right, she was quite awkward with her stomach in the way. She and Jasper mostly just stood in place and swayed to the beat. Emmett and my sister were impressive, especially considering he was the largest man in the whole club. He spun and swung her all over the place. I was content to keep Bella as close to me as possible. I held her delicate hand to my chest and cupped the small of her back with my other one. I caught more than a few men staring at her, and in the past that may have bothered me, brought out my jealous streak, but tonight I could not begrudge them. She truly looked amazing.

Bella and Alice had even arranged for a small cake to be delivered to our table, candles and all. We were one of the last groups to leave the club that night, which was certainly one I'd always remember.

We arrived home a little after midnight. Bella immediately kicked off her high heels.

"Not quite as comfortable as you thought?" I said as I kissed the top of her head. She laughed. Shortly after we headed up to bed, both of us tired from a fun night. I knew what I had had on my mind since the second I saw her in that black dress, but wasn't sure if Bella felt the same.

We both climbed in bed donning our pajamas. No matter what my hormones were saying, I felt sleep overtaking me quickly.

I had no idea how long I had been asleep when I felt warm fingers reaching under my t-shirt to the bare skin of my stomach. They were drawing little circles on my flesh causing little waves of goose bumps to pass over my skin. I was in an out of consciousness and not entirely sure if I was dreaming it. Then I felt her hand trail south to the waistband of my boxers and a finger dip below it - that certainly woke me up quickly.

I promptly rolled over and caught her face between my hands, kissing her passionately. She eagerly reciprocated as I felt her warm mouth open to allow me entrance. She tasted so sweet, so unbearably delicious. Our kissing became more forceful, like we couldn't connect deep enough. Her hands were grasping and pulling at my clothes in a desperation I hadn't felt from her in a long time, but one I seemed to feel all of the time for her. Bella sat up and swiftly pulled her nightshirt over her head throwing it haphazardly to the floor, revealing her perfect, round breasts that were heaving with desire. She then grabbed at mine as she pulled it over my head.

Our hands were frantically moving all over each other, caressing and massaging. I was overcome with pure lust and need for her body, entirely primal. Every single inch of her felt utterly wonderful to my tactile senses. She pulled at my boxers as I ripped her underwear off. We both chuckled at our eagerness. Bella put her hands on the center my chest, forcing me to lie down then gracefully swung her leg over my hips so that she was straddling me. She reached between her legs and firmly grabbed my length, causing me to gasp.

Before I even had a chance to ask her if she wanted me to wear protection, she pinned my arms above my head and was sliding down me – the pressure and heat was…unbelievable. I lifted my head and took her breast in my mouth, sucking hard, making her moan loudly in my ear, which just aroused me even further.

After that it was all a blur of thrusting, pushing and pulling. It was as aggressive and animalistic as we had ever been. "Oh God…Edward…you feel to good…in me." She gasped out right before she arched back in the most sinful of ways. I pulled my hand free and grabbed her breast hard, as she cried out in ecstasy. I bucked a few more times under her and followed in a guttural cry with the most forceful orgasm I had ever experienced.

Her silky skin had a slight sheen of sweat as I ran my hands over it. She rolled off of me to my side. I jerked my body to my side and flopped an arm over her stomach. "That was…"

"Amazing." She finished in a breathy whisper.

"I was going to say hot as hell, but amazing works too." I laughed lightly. I pulled her closer to me and kissed the nape of her neck. "I love you Bella." I murmured right before unconsciousness overtook me.

As I awoke, I rolled over in bed to find cool, unoccupied sheets. I heard rustling coming from the bathroom.

"Bella?" I said with closed eyes. When she didn't respond I sat up and ran my hands over my face to attempt to wake up. I turned and looked at the clock, it was only seven.

"Bella, love, why are you up so early. It's Saturday." I moaned. "I was going to cook you breakfast in bed…only much later," again, no response. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, grabbed my boxers and pulled them on, and walked into the bathroom. Bella was putting items from the vanity into our weekend travel bag.

"What's going on? Why are you packing a bag?" I put my hand on her shoulder and was trying to push away all of the panic and fear that was quickly coming to the surface.

"Bella!" I pleaded. She slowly turned around and drew her eyes up to meet mine. They were ringed with red and dark circles shadowed her face. It looked like she hadn't slept at all.

I stood there, staring at her, willing her to speak. Everything in me wanted to shake her, make her speak, but I would never hurt her, ever.

She cleared her throat and finally said. "I'm going to visit Charlie for a few days." I stared at her incredulously - not registering her words.

"Well…uh…I could see if Andrew could cover for me for a few days…let me make a few calls." My mind was spinning a million miles an hour.

Bella wouldn't look up at me. She was twisting her wedding band on her finger. I saw a tear fall and splash onto the tile floor. Then it hit me, like an Emmett-sized fist in the stomach. "You don't want me to come with you…do you?" I choked out.

Silence. I squeezed her shoulder hoping to egg an answer out of her. She reached up and wiped the tears from her cheek before she looked up at me. "Please understand Edward, I just need to get away for a few days, clear my head. It will only be three, maybe four days at most." She put her hand on my cheek, pleading with her bottom-less brown eyes for me to understand.

"Have you had this planned and didn't tell me?" I asked tentatively. She simply shook her head. Her beautiful chestnut hair swaying around her, covering her face so she didn't have to look at me. I knew that was her 'shield'.

I wanted more explanation, more words, more anything…but I knew…if I pushed her, she would just run faster, so I conceded. "Okay Bella, if that's what you need," my pulse was thudding in my ears, almost deafening, "I'll try to understand.". How could everything seem so right less than twelve hours ago, seven hours ago we were having some of the best sex ever, and now she was leaving me? Obviously I had _no _idea what was going on in her head, yet again. I felt as though my heart was shriveling inside my chest from my failures.

Twenty minutes later Bella closed the door behind her.


	10. Chapter 9: Black Clouds

**Chapter 9: Black Clouds**

After I heard the deafening click signaling the close of the heavy, metal front door, I collapsed back onto our bed. _I'll only be gone a few days…I just need to clear my head before all of the "baby-making" starts. Nothing had changed - I still want to try… Edward, I love you with all of my heart._ I kept chanting her last words to me through my head.

I lay in bed for the better part of the morning, something I rarely do, thinking through everything that had happened to us since we met. From that condensed perspective, it had been a lot - a lot to deal with both emotionally and physically. Many couples wouldn't even have made it this far. But, we had. We weren't like other couples – or so I told myself.

When I could no longer ignore the grumbling of my stomach I trudged downstairs and made some coffee and cereal, gulping the coffee as if it were my life's blood, and forcing the cereal down. I grabbed the newspaper from outside the door and settled in at the kitchen counter. The silence that surrounded me was like a tyrannical cloud, weighing on me, pushing my thoughts to only acknowledge the negative, the void. It's not like Bella made much noise when she was here, especially lately, but it was more the complete lack of another person, an increase in cold.

I had lived here for years by myself and had never though twice. Then I met my own personal sun, my Bella. With her in my life, all that was there before meant less, and everything involving her meant more. She was all that truly mattered. I had never pictured myself as one of those men that could get so caught up in love that all other things fell to the wayside, but it had happened, and it thrilled me to be wrong. Sitting in our empty apartment just reminded me of how different I had been then. How much better I am now - even with all of the heartache.

While I was absorbed in thought my cell phone rang. I reached over the counter and picked it up.

"Good morning Emmett."

"Hi Edward. How goes it?" He replied cheerily.

"It's fine. Just reading the paper and drinking coffee."

"We had a great time last night." He chuckled. "I never thought I would have so much fun ballroom dancing."

I laughed lightly, tensely. "We had a good time too. It was nice of Bella and Alice to plan it."

"Is Bella there?" He asked innocently. I couldn't lie. They would know soon enough, but I didn't want to make it sound like a bigger deal than it was. _She just needs a few days._

"She went to visit Charlie for a few days." I answered in what I hoped was a normal voice.

There was a pause on the other line. "Was that planned? Rose didn't mention that she was going."

Here's where the little lie came in. "She must of just forgotten to mention it, she planned it a few days ago."

"Oh, okay." That seemed to convince him enough. "Are you still up for helping me with the deck today? It's supposed to be nice out." I had completely forgotten I had promised last week to help build the deck at their new house. Well, it's not like I had anything else planned today and it would be better than moping around the apartment.

"Definitely. I can be there in an hour if that works for you." I answered as I looked at the clock on the microwave, nine o'clock. "Do you need me to pick up anything on the way?"

"Nah, Jasper is coming over then too and we can make a supply run with my truck once you're here. Okay, see you soon." He said and hung up.

I reluctantly got up from the counter and went upstairs to shower. I dressed quickly in old jeans and a t-shirt and left for their house, which was in the suburb of La Grange Park, about twenty-five minutes away. It was a beautiful sunny day, the last weekend of May. There was a light, happy feeling to everyone around me since the winter weather had finally left us. I wished I could feel the same.

I pulled up in front of their house, a cape cod with white siding, black shutters and a bright red front door - a la Rosalie. It was on a very nice street with mature trees, sidewalks and a park a few blocks away.

"Hi Edward." Rose greeted as she opened the door. Lizzie, with her blonde ringlets and rosy cheeks, was wrapped around her hip. Rose set her down to give me a hug. Even when she was having a temper tantrum she still looked like a cherub.

"Hi Rose. Hi Lizzie." I said as I bent down to her level. Lizzie was a mama's girl and very shy, which is surprising given the personality of her parents. She hid behind her mom for a moment then reached out to hug me, wrapping her sweet, soft arms around my neck. I was taken aback. She usually was too bashful around me since I didn't see her that frequently. My heart warmed for the moment. When she released me, I stood up.

"She must have missed you." She smiled.

We walked towards the back of the house to the kitchen. They moved in about a month ago and everything was put away for the most part. "The house looks great." I said.

"Thanks, we have been slaving every minute to get the inside in order so that when the nice weather hit we could be outside. So many years of apartment living, we are thrilled to have a back yard." She said with a wave of her hand. "Thanks for helping with the deck, it will be so nice. I can't wait to have everyone over for a cookout." She reached in the refrigerator and grabbed Lizzie's cup of juice then handed it to her open, outstretched hands.

I was leaning on the island flipping through the paper, not really looking at anything in particular. "Emmett said that Bella went to visit her father for a few days. It's kind of sudden…is she doing okay?" My sister said as she came over and placed a hand on my arm. I didn't look up at first, worried that one look at me would betray my concern.

When I did finally raise my gaze from the counter, I had composed my features in a casual expression. "She planned it a few days ago. She finally has some time off since she isn't taking classes over the summer, so she thought she would get out to visit him," shrugging my shoulders in what I hoped look like a unconcerned response.

Rose studied my eyes for a moment. "You didn't answer my question. Is she okay?" She said more directly. I nodded. "She's fine." I answered directly then release a sigh. "She said she just needed a few days away before the 'stress of baby-making,'" as I said it I placed quotes with my fingers in the air, "started. She'll be home by mid-week."

She looked at me with skepticism. "Okay, but if I heard that you screwed up again and did something stupid, you know I will hurt you." She threatened as she put some raisins in a bowl for Lizzie to snack on.

I looked back at her with an exasperated expression. "Why would you think I did something?" I said in a defensive tone. She glared at me with crystal blue eyes, but didn't say a word. I nodded my head in concession, she was right. I did tend to screw up. I felt my lips turn up in a grin and Rose laughed at me.

The doorbell rang and Jasper walked in. He was carrying two twelve-packs of beer.

I scowled. "What would a man-day be without beer?" He asked in all innocence.

"Yeah, a man-day with power tools _and_ beer, now that's safe." I said with heavy sarcasm. "Well it's a good thing we have a doctor with us them." He responded with a laugh.

Emmett strolled in and greeted us both. Rose walked out of the kitchen with Lizzie to put her down for her nap as Emmett started to roll the blueprints for the deck out on the counter. We went through the drawings and made a list of all of the supplies that we needed. It was fairly straightforward; the toughest part was using the post-hole digger and making the concrete posts. After that is was all sawing and nailing.

After a few minutes of talking and coming up with a plan, we loaded in Emmett's pick up and headed to the nearest hardware store. We were back in an hour with our supplies. While Jasper and I worked on the posts, Emmett measured and cut the boards for the floor. We worked for a few hours in a comfortable silence, other than the occasional comment to give each other instructions or help one another with something.

"You guys hungry? I made some sandwiches." Rosalie said as she walked outside with a platter of food and some drinks.

We all thanked my sister, immediately stopped what we were doing and walked over. She had set up the food on the cooler that held Jasper's beer. We hadn't drank much since we were so busy working - not necessarily a bad thing in my opinion. We pulled up various forms of seats and started eating.

Emmett was the first to speak up as he finished his first sandwich and reached for a second. "Jasper, your wife certainly seemed in a good mood when I called today, did she finally cave to your begging?" He asked while laughing. Jasper just hung his head.

But when he looked up, he was smirking. "Yeah, she did actually, but it took a lot of sweet talking and persuasion on my part. And then she insisted that all of the lights were off so that I couldn't see her with her clothes off." He shrugged his shoulders. "But seriously, I'll take whatever I can get at this point."

Emmett pointed a thick finger at him. "Ha, I told you. Just wait, it gets worse!"

"Emmett do you ever think about anything other than sex." I asked.

His thick brows knit together in confusion before answered. "Sure I do, but most of the time, I am thinking about sex in one way or another." He answered so seriously, as if we were talking about global warming.

"What about you Edward? Bella seemed pretty happy last night." Jasper said while waggling his eyebrows at me.

I was not about to lay Bella and my sex life out on the table so easily. So I went the tried and true method of diversion - I played dumb. "What about me?"

"You know, did you have a _really_ _great_ birthday celebration?" Emmett asked as if he was being coy.

"Yes, I did actually. Thanks again for joining us." I answered, attempting to not crack a smile at my two idiot friends.

"Edward, you know that is not what we asked, or do we have to spell it out for you?" Jasper asked in exasperation.

I smiled at him. "Apparently you do, sometimes cardiac surgeons, like myself, need it put into simpler terms."

"Edward - did – you – and – Bella – have – sex – last - night?" Emmett practically yelled, saying each word slowly and deliberately as if I had a hearing problem.

I felt my lips deceive me as they tried to curl up, but composed my features before looking up at them. I had no intention of answering their question, but it sure was fun to mess with them. "A gentleman never tells." They both threw up their hands and yelled at me for egging them on. I just laughed at their childishness.

A few minutes later we cleaned up lunch and continued with the deck. We worked hard for several more hours and were able to get everything built other than the railing, which Emmett said he could do himself tomorrow.

Bella should have arrived in Forks at any point and I thought I would have heard from her. I had tried over the last hour to inconspicuously check my cell phone to see if I missed any calls.

"Edward, you have a hot date?" Emmett pointed to my phone with the hammer in his hand.

I looked at the unoffending silver phone then turned back. "No, I just have an important case at work and wanted to make sure I didn't miss a call." Again with the lies, I mean, I have important cases at work, and it was true that I could get a call at any point, but I wasn't expecting one either.

Jasper had left to go be with his pregnant wife. Rosalie invited me to stay for dinner which I readily accepted since the idea of returning to our empty apartment sent a cold shot of despair through me. Emmett put Lizzie to bed while I visited with my sister as she cooked. I was tired from a hard day of physical labor and happy to have a reason to just sit.

We ate a great meal of grilled chicken, asparagus and potatoes then sat around the kitchen table talking. Before I knew it, it was close to midnight and I had drank too much to drive home.

"Sorry Edward, we don't have the guest room set up yet. I hope the couch will work." Rosalie said apologetically.

"It's fine. I just need to be horizontal." I said as I took the blankets and pillow from her. Rose and Emmett retreated upstairs. I was once again reminded I was alone. I grabbed my phone one more time to check for voicemails. I just wanted to hear that Bella had arrived and was safe. But, I promised myself that I would give her the space that she seemed to so desperately need, so much so that she put half a continent between us. I only hoped that if I backed off, she would come back to me all that more quickly.

Emmett had loaned me a clean t-shirt and I shucked my dirty jeans leaving them in a pile on the floor. The moment my head hit the pillow I was unconscious, my mind racing with vivid dreams.

Bella and I were in a beautiful field, surrounded by tall, mature oak and maple trees. There were wild flowers brushing at our knees in bright oranges, purples and whites. The sun was shining on her. She looked like an angel. I noticed she was wearing the black dress from the other night. The wind swirled around us lifting the hair off of her back and sending a wave of her luscious sent towards me. I crossed the distance to her as she beckoned me with a sexy curl of her finger. But, every step that I took closer to her, she backed up a step. Her gaze stayed focused on my face, shifting from my eyes to my lips.

Everything about her glowed, she was beautiful beyond words, like on our wedding day, actually like every day since I had seen her in that coffee shop. She was my angel. I tried to approach her again, reaching my hand out towards her. _Bella, love, let me hold you. _One of her hands drew up to rest on her stomach, flat and taunt, as she pushed her dress down from the wind catching it. A look of fear and shock fell over her beautiful features. Her bottomless brown eyes fill with tears and she screams out in utter agony. I covered my ears from the piercing pain. Before I can stop her she turned and ran away from me, the dark surrounding forest swallowing her up.

I woke up suddenly, covered in sweat and crying out, "Bella!" and looked up to see my sister standing over me.


	11. Chapter 10: Coming Clean

**Chapter 10: Coming Clean  
**

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rosalie asked softly as she sat on the edge of the couch near my legs. I quickly pulled myself to sitting. My heart was pounding. "What do you mean, talk about what?" She bowed her head and I tried to wipe away the tear perched at the edge of my eye without her seeing.

"Edward, you have been screaming out Bella's name for the last few minutes, saying 'don't leave me'." Her voice was barely a whisper and as she spoke I felt a panic rise in my chest. I had no reason to think at this point that Bella wasn't coming home. She just needed some time. _Just time_. I could grant her that. It's the least I could do.

So, why was I having such a hard time believing her?

"What are you doing up?" I asked, trying to dodge her question.

"Lizzie woke up and wanted a drink, then I heard you. Are you going to answer my question?"

I wasn't ready to admit my lingering fears. "No…I'm okay…thanks." I couldn't even look at my sister for fear she would see right through my thin veil of composure. She reached out to place a hand over mine, but I still didn't raise my gaze.

"Okay, but you know where we are if you need either of us." She then retreated back upstairs, leaving me alone again.

The next morning everyone was awake early – the result of a toddler in the house. I reached over on the side table and grabbed my phone.

Bella still hadn't called.

I dragged myself into the kitchen feeling less than refreshed and even more conflicted. "Coffee?" Emmett asked as he held up a mug. I nodded as I pulled out a chair at their kitchen table and sat down, burying my face in my hands, letting them run through my mess of hair. He placed the coffee down in front of me and sat down as well. "Thanks." I said as I took a sip.

Emmett and I sat in silence for a few minutes while I heard Rose getting their daughter dressed. I noticed out of the corner of my eye Emmett open and close his mouth several times, as if to say something, but then thought wiser. I cut him off before he could make up his mind. "Do you think you're set with the railing or do you need me to stay to help out?"

He shook his head. "No, I should be fine if you have something you need to do." I had nothing better to do, but after my less than peaceful night sleep, all I wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed.

"I have some work I need to catch up on before tomorrow, so I should probably get going."

"Don't you want to stay for breakfast? I was going to make waffles." Rosalie said as she walked in with her daughter on her hip, both of them looking bright and cheery. Seeing them made me realize how far from that I felt.

"Thanks, but I do need to get going. But thanks for letting me crash on your couch last night." I said as I took the last swig of my coffee and put the mug in the dishwasher. Both Rosalie and Emmett were looking at me like I was a ticking time bomb. Apparently she shared our little nighttime encounter with her husband.

Emmett stood up to walk me out. "Thanks for you help yesterday." He said as he opened their front door.

"Anytime."

He slapped me on the shoulder and in a hushed voice added, "If you need anything while Bella is out of town, just let us know, okay?" Their concern and love for Bella and me was apparent. I felt a lump form in my throat. I was seriously a mess today and I'm sure the mild hang over didn't help matters. I nodded and walked out their door.

I slipped behind the wheel of my Volvo as quickly as I could, needing a safe haven from my suddenly overwhelmed emotions. I thought about stopping for some food on the way home but decided it would just go to waste. I was in no mood to eat.

As soon as I arrived home I went straight upstairs, changed my clothes and crawled into bed. I perched my phone on the edge of the nightstand so that I could grab it easy when Bella called. Or was it if? My thoughts were becoming so jumbled that I didn't know how to decipher anything anymore. It was ridiculous to think that she would just disappear without a word. Wasn't it? With that thought I felt a headache coming on. I pulled a pillow over my head and rapidly fell asleep.

I pulled the pillow off of my head, uncertain how long I had been sleeping. I blindly flung my arm over and was successful in locating my phone with the tips of my fingers. I brought it in front of my face only to see that I had no messages and no missed calls. Once again my throat was constricting and I could think of nothing to do to relieve the pain other than to pull the pillow back over my head and let sleep take me once more.

When I awoke the second time I saw that the sun was low in the sky. It must be early evening. I had slept for close to twelve hours and yet didn't feel an ounce more refreshed. After lying there for some time and realizing I couldn't justify sleeping any longer, I pulled myself out of bed and into the shower.

The warm water instantly woke me and threw me violently into my reality. My wife left thirty-six hours ago and I had yet to hear a word, message or text from her. Even an inkling that she made her flights okay and was safely at her father's. Was she _that_ upset with me that she wasn't going to call her whole time away? I knew she was upset about everything that had happened but what exactly had _I_ done that would cause her to shut me out so completely?

With that last thought I finally let all of the despair, hurt, confusion and pain consume me. Against my own volition, I felt my knees giving out as I slid down the shower wall, my skin squeaking against the wet tiles. My eyes welled with tears, which were instantly absorbed into the water running down my face, as my chest constricted tightly in anxiety. I sobbed. I sobbed harder than I ever had in my entire life.

I had never been so at a loss for how to fix something. And if I couldn't fix this, if I couldn't be with my wife any longer, my other half, the only reason anything meant anything, well, then, it just wasn't worth being alive. I wrapped my arms around my legs tightly and buried my face into my knees. I stayed like that, immobile except for the small tremors of cries that would run through me until the water ran frigid.

I eventually peeled my pitiful self off of the shower floor, dried off, dressed and sat on the edge of the bed. After a few seconds of sitting there, I heard my phone beep. I snatched it up quickly and saw that I had a missed call and a voicemail – from Bella.

I accessed my voicemail. "Hi Edward, it's me. I made it here fine, the flights were all on time." She took a swift breath of air before she continued. "Sorry I haven't called sooner, I've just been catching up with Charlie – who of course is the same as ever. Some of my high school friends are still in town so I am going to spend some time with them tomorrow." There was an emotion in her voice that was hard to decipher, it was happy sounding, but forced was the best way to describe it. She paused for a long moment before continuing. When she did her voice was much softer, sweeter. "I'm so sorry Edward…for everything. I love you."

I listened to the message three more times. I was so happy to hear her voice but was concerned by her last words. After it finished the last time I pressed her number for speed dial number into my phone. It rang several times and then her voicemail picked up. I wasn't prepared for what I was going to say, but couldn't just hang up and let her see my missed call.

I knew one thing, as upset as I was I wasn't going to let her know it. She didn't need any more burden worrying about me while she tried to work things out for herself. "Hi love, so glad to hear from you and that you made it there safe. Tell Charlie I said hello. I was at Emmett's yesterday and he, Jasper and I built their deck, it turned out really good. I'm glad you found some of your old friends. Please call me when you have a chance so I can hear your voice again. I love you Bella." I flipped it shut and placed the phone back on the nightstand, stared at it for a minute, recognized it wasn't going to be giving me any answers tonight, then fell back into bed.

I returned to work the next morning, bright and early and looking forward to a distraction. I hadn't heard from Bella again, but kept telling myself not to get upset_. She was doing what she needed to do so she could come home_. I stayed at work late on Monday catching up on paperwork and walked in the apartment around seven-thirty. I rummaged around in the refrigerator for something to eat and ended up making a grilled cheese. Shortly after I retreated to bed.

The next two days went exactly the same.

I hadn't actually spoken with Bella, but we had exchanged several messages. When I would call her right back, she wouldn't answer. On Wednesday evening, when I got her voicemail again, I called Charlie's house.

"Hello" Charlie answered.

"Hi Charlie, it's Edward. Is Bella there?"

"Oh, hi Edward. No, she's not here. She is out with a friend from high school - Jacob Black. I think they went to a movie in Port Angeles. Can I pass along a message for you?"

"Jacob Black…I met him at the wedding, right." I said more to myself than to Charlie. "No, that's okay. I left a voicemail on her cell phone. Charlie, can I ask you something?" I had no idea if he would answer me honestly, but I had to try.

"Sure."

"How does Bella seem to you? Has she been upset this week or happy?" I needed to know if it was only me that was bringing out the misery in her.

"Well, you know Edward, my daughter and I have never been all that chatty, so I can't say for _sure_ how she's doing. When she first got here on Saturday, she was pretty down. She said she didn't want to talk, just needed to get away. You two poor kids have been through so much, but I'm sure you'll get through this too." I could almost see him shaking his head on the other line. "Anyways, once she started going out and doing things, she seemed to perk up a bit. She is really doing better."

"Thanks Charlie. I'm really glad to hear she is feeling better and going out to have some fun. She really needs it."

"I'll tell her you called Edward."

Charlie and I ended the conversation. My fears had been confirmed, she was running from _me_. The pizza I had ordered had just arrived. I sat down to eat and found I wasn't in the least bit hungry. After a little while of milling around the apartment, paid some bills, I retreated upstairs. It was only nine o'clock, but I was at a loss for what to do.

When I met Bella, she was like gravity to me, the pull that I needed to stay centered and on-course. A point to orbit around. Now, I was like a lost moon – my sun burnt out in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation. I no longer had any laws of gravity. I just floated aimlessly through the night sky.

The next night I was lying in bed with the television on, but not really watching it. I wasn't even sure what was on. My cell phone rang on the side of the bed and I nearly jumped out of my skin I was so out of it. It was Bella.

"Hello." I answered in a guarded voice. I hadn't spoken directly with her since she'd left.

"Hi Edward, it's me." She answered in the same cautious tone.

"How are you Bella?" I was severely biting my tongue. I wanted more than anything to reprimand her, to tell her how hurt I was that she hadn't bothered to be around to speak with her husband in five days, that I was worried sick about her…but I didn't. I was too afraid of her answers.

"I'm good. I have reconnected with some friends from high school. Jake and Angela are still in the area. It has been…nice."

"That's good." I answered. Then there was silence that was uncomfortable, tense. How after so many days apart did we have nothing to say to one another? I at least knew this to be true. "I miss you." I felt like my voice was barely audible.

Silence. I started to panic, but then I heard her take a breath to speak. "I miss you too. I'm sorry I have been gone so long."

"When are you coming home?" I heard my voice in my ears and it sounded pleading. It frustrated me that I couldn't better control my emotions where Bella was concerned.

"I'm not sure, I think I am going to stay a few more days." My heart dropped at her words. "I'm sorry I missed your birthday today." I had completely forgotten that it was in fact my birthday. She continued. "I promise I will make it up to you when I get home."

M frustration began consuming me. "Bella! I don't give a _fuck _about my birthday. You know that. All I want is for you to come home." I heard the anger creeping out, directed towards her. I hadn't intended it, but I was also unable to stop it. I recognized that it was hard for her to be here, but running away from me didn't solve anything either, it just tore us apart more. I didn't understand why leaving would make it easier for her to figure 'things out'. I had _thought_ we were doing much better, that we were on the same page. Apparently, I couldn't have been more wrong.

"I know Edward…I'm working on it…I just need a few more days." She whispered.

Silence, again, so thick it felt like a shroud of dense fog covering me, choking me. "Okay love. Whatever you need." I answered with an absence of emotions.

"I love you Edward." She said sweetly, softly. The longing and yearning at that moment to hold her was almost unbearable. I physically had to put my hand over my heart to keep it from falling out of my chest.

"I love you too." I answered. Then we said goodbye. I resisted the very strong urge to catapult my cell phone against the wall, to destroy it just to feel like I was doing something productive, and instead fell back onto the bed. As I did, a whiff of Bella's scent wafted up from the bedding and stung my eyes with such bitter agony that I didn't know what else to do but curl up and fall asleep.

The next morning I awoke feeling so hurt and angry I knew I needed to find a release for all of my pent up emotions. I didn't need to be to work for several hours, so I opted for a run. Something I used to do frequently before Bella came along; when my life had little sunlight in it and far too much to agonize over.

I left the apartment building with no particular destination in mind, I simply turned left and let my legs lead my down the sidewalk, away from the damn apartment, which no longer felt anything like home, but more like a jail. A prison with high, steep walls holding in all of our pain. If Bella and I ever got all of this figured out, we were moving.

As I ran, my mind finally cleared and didn't feel so clouded by the jumble of emotions and random thoughts were streaming through it. What surfaced in the end was just pure, untainted hurt. So many people in my life had left me, why Bella? Why her too?

Regardless of her reasoning, I was again without her, to be left to deal with all of this pain, alone.

I went into work, but don't remember a single thing I did. Once again, I was on autopilot.

I had the next day, Saturday, off from work, much to my dismay. By the end of the day I had organized my closet, paid all of the bills, cleaned out the refrigerator and done all of the laundry. I was exhausted but glad I was able to be productive and momentarily not think about what was really going on.

Around eight o'clock my phone rang. It was Rosalie.

"Hi Edward. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." I answered back in a purely forced pleasant tone.

"I heard that Bella isn't back yet, that she missed your birthday." Shit, how did she know that? I really didn't want to talk about it right now.

At my silence, she continued. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, knowing you. You just want to wallow in your pain and probably run around half the city." I snorted into the phone. She knew me better than I thought.

"I…just…well…you and I have never really had a heart to heart about when, you know, Mom and Dad…"

I couldn't handle talking about that right now. I couldn't handle the additional pain and guilt she was going to throw at me. I tried to avert her. "I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"No, no…you wouldn't, 'cause you never really knew what was going on with me, just like I never really knew what you were going through." Her voice was patient and controlled, but compassionate.

"I know what you were going through Rose. You were blaming me for an accident." It had taken me years and love and coaxing from Bella to be able to see that. "And because of that I not only lost my parents that day, I lost _all_ of my family - you left me too." I spat back harshly. I knew she didn't deserve this, I wanted to stop, but it was all bubbling to the surface. "I don't know how many times I can apologize for something that happened a decade ago! Something I had NO control over." I was breathless and tears were silently marching down my cheek. I violently swept them away and attempted to control my breathing.

"Are you done?" She asked quietly.

"Yes." I murmured.

"Edward, I deserved that." I was shocked! "I deserve whatever anger you want to direct at me. I did leave you. I left everyone and stayed in New York. But, do you know why I did that?"

"Because you hated me," I answered snidely.

"It wasn't because I hated you. I never hated you. And I am so terribly sorry I allowed you to believe that. Even though I knew all along it wasn't your fault, that it could have just as easily been Mom or Dad driving, or even me if I was there, I needed to be mad at _someone_. I wanted to be mad at Mom and Dad for leaving us. But, how could I be mad at two dead people?"

She took a breath then exhaled slowly and continued. "So, I decided, unjustly, to be mad at you but at the same time I didn't have the energy to put up a front around you. And I didn't want you to play big brother and try to make me feel better. I ran away from you and everything that reminded me of our perfect family that had so abruptly vanished. I knew you were hurting terribly, that you were wracked with unnecessary guilt. But I was far too selfish to stay, to help you. So, I ran. By the time I realized what I had done, that I had just left you alone, it was too late." Her voice was a gently whisper now. "I had no idea how to repair the damage. So I did nothing and continued acting like I was angry with you, it was easier than taking the leap to ask for your forgiveness and understanding."

I slowly drew in a breath and ran my hand through my hair for the hundredth time in the last ten minutes. She never hated me? She never even blamed me? All these years living with that pain and guilt…but honestly, it didn't matter.

"Rose, I'm not sure why you are telling me this, it doesn't matter any more. Once I met Bella, she helped me to heal, to become whole again, to let go. I used to be upset and frustrated with you, but not any more. I'm just happy to have my sister again."

"Edward, I know that Bella is the best thing that has ever happened to you. I see it on both of your faces every time you are around each other. You are so in love…that is why I am telling you all of this." I opened my mouth to tell her I didn't understand what one had to do with the other. "Wait, I'm not done. I am telling you all of this, because I think I know better than anyone what Bella is going through and what she is trying to do."


	12. Chapter 11: Comprehensions

**Chapter 11: Comprehensions **

"What do you mean, what she is _trying to do_?" I asked incredulously.

"She is doing the same damn thing that you did when you broke up with her when you got sick. She is trying to protect you." She said, her voice full of both compassion and adamancy.

"What is she trying to protect me _from_?" I asked in desperation. Why did she think I needed protecting? Did I seem that fragile to her?

"Bella is hurting beyond any of our imaginations. She still blames herself personally for Olivia coming so soon and not surviving. She thinks somehow that she could have done something different and saved her. You, and I, and _all _of the doctors know that isn't true." Her voice dropped to a soft, pleading tone. "But, Edward, I'll tell you this, if Lizzie died, it would cause me a thousand times more pain than when our parents died, or even if God forbid, Emmett was gone. I literally couldn't go on living." I heard her getting choked up on the other end of the line. I had rarely ever heard my sister cry. She was tough, tougher than me.

There was a moment of silence for her to gather her emotions. My head was spinning, a million thoughts a minute, so I just sat waiting. "Bella _doesn't know_ how to get better like you want her to. She doesn't know how to move one. I would imagine her motive is that she doesn't want you to see her in pain any more, so she left. She ran away, just like I did, just like you did. We try to protect those that we love by removing ourselves from the situation…in reality it hurts them more."

"So you're telling me she doesn't _want_ to be away from me? She is not actually running _from_ me. That she thinks she is _protecting_ me?" I practically yelled.

"Yes, I believe so." She answered solemnly.

"Didn't she learn anything by my stupid mistake that _leaving doesn't fix anything_?" I was barely even holding the phone up any more, just yelling out to the empty space of the apartment, my voice reverberating off of the high glass walls. My anger, frustration and hurt were about to blow.

I caught my breath and put the phone back up to my ear with a shaky hand. "Do you think she is planning to EVER come home?" I heard the pain and utter desperation in my voice.

"I don't know Edward…maybe eventually." Rose said softly on the other line. "But I can tell you this. When I went to New York, I thought I would stay for one, maybe two semesters, then transfer to a school in Illinois. Once I was there, I got caught up in a surreal world where I could ignore my pain if I wanted to, nothing there forced me to remember it, and so I stayed."

I didn't even know what to say. I couldn't let Bella stay away out of complacency or fear. "I have to go get her! I don't even care if she is ever _fixed_. I just need her with me. Thank you Rose, for everything, I love you."

"I love you too Edward." She replied. It was the first time we had said that to one another since I woke up from my transplant, and before that it had been almost a decade, too long. I disconnected from my sister and immediately dialed Bella's cell number. It rang several times and then went to voicemail. I didn't want her to know I was coming in case she was so delusional in her pursuit to protect me that she ran again. So, I called Charlie's house, just to make sure she was still in town.

"Hi Charlie, this is Edward."

"Hi Edward. How's it going? I know you are probably really missing your wife, but I have to tell you, it's going to be hard to give her up with the way she has been spoiling me all week with her cooking." He laughed on the other end other line. "I sure have missed it."

"I know what you mean Charlie. She is a great cook, but I'm sorry, you can't keep her." I answered, keeping with the light tone. "Bella isn't there, is she?"

"No she's out for the afternoon. Can I pass along a message?"

"No, thanks. I will catch up with her at some point. Do you think she will be around tomorrow?" He answered that she should be, as far as he knew. I hung up with Charlie and then called the airline to see what flights were available to Seattle. Of course there wasn't a flight that night, which was actually okay. I really needed to go into work in the morning and check on my patients and speak with Andrew about covering a few things for me. When this was all over, I certainly needed to get him something to show my thanks.

I booked my flight for one o'clock on Sunday, which would put me into Forks about dinner time.

I immediately ran upstairs and packed a carry-on bag. Unsure of how long I would be there, hopefully not more than a day, but just in case I packed three days worth of clothes. I was almost done when I remembered that I had a gift for Bella. Something I had bought her a while ago, intending to give her when she got pregnant again. At this point, that didn't even matter to me, so I thought I would give it to her now. I walked across the room and opened the dresser drawer, the one with old sweatshirts that I never wear, and grabbed the small box that was hidden at the back.

The next morning I went to the hospital and also spoke with Andrew. I didn't have many patients at the moment, which was a very good thing, and he had no problem covering for a few days. I promised to work any major holidays for him in return.

I was at Chicago O'Hara Airport in plenty of time. I grabbed something to eat. I hadn't eaten much all week and now that I had a plan, an idea of what could be going on, I suddenly had an appetite.

I was grateful to Rosalie for opening my eyes to the possible truth behind Bella's actions. But at the same time, how could Bella do this? How could she make the same damn mistake that I did before - the mistake that nearly killed her. Did she think I was so much stronger than her that I would be able to cope better, move on? She obviously didn't know me at all. I knew I was far more dependent on her than she on me. She was vital to my existence, to my survival. Take away everything else in my life, work, friends, everything, as long as I had Bella, I could go on. How could she not see that?

I boarded the plane in a daze of self-reflection and absorption. Before I knew it we were landing in Seattle. I hurried to the car rental desk and got the keys to the Nissan Altima I had rented. It wasn't my Volvo, but it was the best I could do on short notice. At this point I would rent a scooter if it got me to her.

I drove the scenic highway of Route 104 traveling west. My mind traveled a million miles an hour, like I wish the car could, while my stomach grew in tighter knots. What was I was going to say to her? Was this how she felt when she came to the hospital at Rose's request? No. No, I know it wasn't the same. I had done the unthinkable then – told her I no longer loved her, no longer needed her – she had not been that cruel to me. Again, I thought of how I didn't deserve her, but still needed her desperately.

The fact that Rose believed she didn't want to be away from me, just like I didn't want to leave her when I was sick, made me optimistic it would somehow work out.

Before I knew it my rental car was silently passing the town limits into Forks as it glided along the recently rained upon road. Dusk was in full-effect, reds and oranges hovering thick on the horizon as the last vestige of the storm that must had rolled through moved on.

I slowly pulled up in front of Charlie's little house looking exactly the same as it had when we visited for a long weekend before our wedding. His police cruiser was not in the driveway, but Bella's old truck still was. From what she told me about it, I would be shocked if it even still ran. I also noticed a vehicle I didn't recognize, a motorcycle.

The lights from the first floor of the house were flowing out into the early evening, casting yellow squares on the lawn. I was about to get out the car. I still didn't know what to say to her – but didn't think sitting in the car would spur any great moments of genius, when I caught a glimpse of Bella through the kitchen window. I strained my eyes to focus better. She was moving about, her back to me as she stood at the stove. Her beautiful chestnut hair cascaded in a thick wave down her back. She turned and it swayed back and forth, gently brushing on her shoulder blades. Her head turned and in her profile I could see she wore the most beautiful smile. A shot of yearning ran through me. I hadn't seen that smile in what seemed like forever.

I shook myself from my stalker-like reverie and quickly got out the car and walked around the sidewalk. As I neared the house, my nerves were so intense I felt as though I could literally jump from my own skin. I was so excited to see her, regardless of the outcome. My vision was still trained through the small kitchen window on Bella when I noticed the shadow of another person. That must be whom she turned to when she smiled. Who was it though, the owner of the motorcycle? Not Charlie, I'm certain.

I paused for a moment about half way up the walk, stuck watching the small, surreal picture show. No sound, only images. Bella held up a wooden spoon from the pot she was stirring and the mystery person came into view as he opened his mouth to taste the contents. I tore my eyes away from Bella to focus on him. Jacob. She spoke something with a smile, he laughed. I stood in the now drizzling rain.

I choked back the bile that had suddenly risen in my throat as I put a hand on my chest, hoping to hold my heart inside as it threatened to leap out, thrumming against my finger tips. My sudden panic attack was not the result of seeing another man with Bella, though I will admit that hurt terribly. I wasn't _that _insecure. Really. I would never be against a woman in my life having male friends. What caused the immense pain shooting through me to the core was the final and total realization of my failures.

I had been trying for over six months to see even an inkling of _that_ smile, one of pure, simple joy, on my wife's features, but had been unsuccessful. Oh, don't get me wrong, she smiled, she laughed, but there was always a hint of sadness behind it. Without even hearing her, only the visions before me, I recognized without a doubt that this Bella, the one I saw through the limited, square frame, was the happy, innocent Bella I had met over two years ago. No sadness hidden in her expressive brown eyes, no stress to furrow her delicate brow as she appeared to carry on a light, happy conversation with Jacob. Had being with me taken that away? Was I the reason she couldn't find the peace she so desperately searched for after our loss?

It was like watching the television and having the President come on to tell you that we are about to be attacked with a nuclear bomb. The feeling of total destruction overtook me, not of my body, but of my soul. I had once wondered if it were possible for two souls to be so entwined and entrenched in one another that one could not exist with out the other. After meeting Bella, I firmly believed that. Now, I wasn't so sure.

I had no idea how long I had been standing in the middle of Charlie's sidewalk, but the night had fallen fully to envelope me in a thick darkness. I had finally regulated my breathing enough to think straight. I needed to leave. I needed to leave her here.

I began turning back to the car when I heard the creak of the front door. "Edward?" Her sweet, melodic voice called out.

I froze - my back to her.

"Edward, is that you?" She called again, this time more assertively. I heard in the background a male voice call for Bella asking about the sauce they were cooking. I fought back the tears. _I didn't want to give her up_. I didn't even know if I could go on, but I couldn't survive knowing I was the reason she wasn't _truly_ happy. I was right back to lying in that hospital bed, body failing, the surgeon's voice telling me I either needed a transplant or I would die, and all I could think was, even if it hurt like hell, Bella was better off not being with me.

Her short, quick footsteps came up behind me while I was caught between the past and the present. A warm hand fell on my forearm.

"Edward, why won't you look at me?" She asked in quiet desperation. I felt the tears well up in eyes and burn. I blinked them away quickly. How could I tell her that I now realized that she is happier without me?

I slowly turned around and allowed my eyes to lower reluctantly to meet hers. She wore the sweetest look of concern, brows knitted together. Both longing and anguish passed through me in waves. "Edward, what are you doing here? I had no idea you were coming?" She asked.

What could I say to her? I came here to bring her home, but now I can't, I won't, she is too happy here.

I looked over Bella's head to see Jacob standing in the doorway of Charlie's house. He appeared to be trying to see who the man in Charlie's yard was, and was ready to pounce if all was not well. After a few moments, he walked up the sidewalk and seeing that it was me, greeted me.

"Hi Edward. Good to see you." He said jovially as he extended a hand to me. I tore my eyes away from the spot over Bella's head, the one I had been so dearly concentrating on to help reign in my emotions, let a swift breath out, and shifted my eyes to Jacob.

"Hello Jacob." I responded, extending my hand as well. Bella looked back and froth between us with concern.

After a moment of tense silence, "I'm going to get going." Jacob said. Bella opened her mouth to respond, but I cut her off.

"No need. I was just leaving." In the periphery of my vision I saw her eyes go wide as Jacob scowled in confusion.

As they both stood there gawking at me, I gently took her hands in mine, rubbed my thumbs over the backs of her knuckles, and stared into the depths of her doe-like eyes. _Did her soul still belong to me?_ Even if it did, I could not allow her to stay with me out of pity, or self-sacrifice. Yes…we were back here again. And although I had made the mistake back then, it was only out of miscommunication, thinking she didn't love me any longer. I would still do the same thing if it meant saving her.

I leaned over and pressed my lips to her luscious, sweet ones, taking in the velvety softness of them, burning it to my memory. My hand came up to cup her cheek. The world melted away in that moment. Every beautiful memory that I had of her passed before my eyes in quick succession. I didn't deepen the kiss or ask more of her.

As I pulled away, I put my forehead to hers. "I love you Isabella. Forever." I stood there for another minute, lost in her innocent beauty that had been so wrongly tainted.

I turned and walked away.

I must have gotten back in the rental car, driven to the airport, and boarded the plane, but I truly don't remember any of it. I only faintly recall walking into our apartment, once again empty and alone, now in so many more ways than physically. It was over.

I pulled myself up the stairs, head throbbing, and saw through the large picture windows that dawn was breaking on the horizon. I felt like I had a slick layer of airport slime on me, the results of being in a confining metal tube with three-hundred other people for eight hours, but I couldn't care enough to shower. I shed my clothes and crawled into bed, silently hoping that I would never wake up.

My sleep was fraught with a harsh combination of dreams and nightmares. I was back in that meadow with Bella, but now she was on the periphery of the forest, inching her way into the blackness. I called to her. She turned her head to look at me over her shoulder, gave me a sad smile and quickly turned away. She didn't run from me this time, but simply was engulfed by the shadows. I tried to chase her, but my feet wouldn't move. I bent down and grabbed at my thigh, trying to lift it manually with my hands, but it just stayed glued to the earth as I watched Bella drift away. I called to her until my voice was hoarse, but she never came back. I heard an abrasive sound, and looked overhead to see giant vultures circling above me.

Then I was in Charlie's yard, once again staring through the kitchen window. I saw Bella cooking. But she suddenly turns around and walks over to the window, placing a hand on the glass. She was peering out, seeming to look for something. Her facial expression became frantic as she searched. Is she looking for me? "Bella," I called out with my hands cupped around my mouth. "I'm right here." But she doesn't see me. Once again, my feet were glued in place, unable to move even an inch. I waved my hands frantically over my head as I saw her grow more and more upset. Finally, a figure came up behind her, Jacob, placed his hands on her shoulders and gently guided her away from the window as I was left screaming for her in the front yard.

I tossed and turned in the bed, my legs all wrapped up in the sheets, but I was too tired and weak to free myself. Then I fell back into a deep, more peaceful sleep. The next images running behind my eyelids were for once welcome ones. They were flickers of pictures – Bella and I making love. But I wasn't in my body; I was separated, looking down on us.

As I watched in awe of the beauty of our two bodies moving together, I felt warmth all around me and an incredible sense of peace. I inhaled Bella's delicious scent and sank deeper into the envelopment of sleep as the warmth continued to spread throughout my skin. There was a pressure on my back, not an unwelcome one, a soft, gentle one. I couldn't comprehend what all of the sudden was making me feel so at peace and happy. I didn't care. I drank it up.

When I awoke, there was an unwarranted grin on my lips as I stretched my arms over my head. I lay there, eyes closed just absorbing how good my body felt having slept so well. As my brain came to as well, it recognized a sound next to me, a rhythmic whisper. When I was finally was able to crack an eye open, what I saw, completely shocked me.

Bella's form, in my college t-shirt, was lying next to me sound asleep. Her angelic face mere inches from mine. Had all of it been a horrible nightmare?

_A/N: Thank you to everyone for sticking with me on this emotional roller coaster. I have LOVED to read all of your reviews and that you were as affected reading it as I was writing it. I wanted to warn you that it will most likely be about a week until I post again, but I PROMISE I am not losing interest or dropping this story in any way. We are just getting to an explanation of what the heck has been going on ;)_


	13. Chapter 12: Gray

**Chapter 12: Gray**

I couldn't seem to focus on what was before me. I blinked, once, twice, but the image didn't change. Bella _was_ here, in our bed next to me, on her side, knees pulled up, her wavy brown hair splayed out behind her on the pillow in loose chunks. One of her delicate hands was tucked under her head, the other lay in front of her on the sheets, fingers loosely curled. Her wedding rings - still on her fingers. My heart leapt.

I scrupulously studied her face as if I had never seen it before, from her high cheekbones, to her round, full lips. Her wide, warm brown eyes were closed and guarded by thick black lashes that brushed along her velvet, rosy skin. I noted though that she had dark circles under her eyes.

I watched as her small frame gently rose and fell with each shallow breath of her deep sleep. Under her eyes lids, her eyes moved and darted as if she were watching an intriguing movie. I felt myself waiting to here even a murmur of her infamous sleep talking, to give me a hint of what was to come.

I was afraid to move or breath for fear I would cause the beautiful sight before me to disappear. But even without my disturbance, after a few minutes, her eyes began to flutter themselves open. I watched as they focused on me, initially still with the haze of sleep, but then with a soft recognition.

We didn't speak for what seemed like eternity, just watched one another. Finally her lips parted. "You were saying good-bye, weren't you." She stated it, not questioning, knowing me all too well. I had no idea how to respond. After a noticeable pause, I nodded my head in affirmation. With her lying here before me, that decision, to walk away for the sake of her happiness seemed world away.

Her eyes were locked on mine, our hands mere inches from each other on the sheets, but not touching. It was as if there was a red tapeline down the middle of the bed, forever keeping us just inches from our goal, each other. I longed to pull her close to me, but I had no idea what her thoughts or motivations were. I wouldn't allow myself to believe she had simply decided to come back to me, not without more explanation.

"I deserve that for the way I treated you." She replied softly. Was that what she thought, that I was punishing her? I pushed that aside, other questions in my mind much more urgent.

"Why are you here?"

"Because I love you, and no amount of time away could change that." She said matter-of-factly. "I know I don't deserve a second…or rather third chance, but I am asking for it."

"What about Jacob?" I asked, trying to keep the accusation and paranoia out of my voice.

She shook her head slightly. "There is nothing going on between Jacob and me other than friendship. He is practically engaged to Angela, they are perfect together. It was the _two _of them that I spent the week with." I saw how much he seemed to care for her - was it just friendship? I didn't doubt what she was saying, I had no reason to, but I needed more.

"What about last night? Where was Angela? And why didn't Charlie ever mention you were out with her as well?" I asked gently, searching her brown eyes. Now that the room was full of sunlight I noticed the tiny gold flecks that lay embedded within them that not many could see, or bothered to, but I could. Many people think that brown eyes lack depth, are too monotone, but Bella's are neither. They portray her spirit, her warmth. Her emotions flow out of them like a tide being pushed to shore.

She smiled a little, lovingly, but with concern. "Charlie is not one for many words, you know that. Jacob is his best friend's son. I'm sure he didn't really think about Angela. And last night, Angela had a late class and was coming over after, around ten. Jake suggested we not eat dinner separately, alone. He knew how much I missed you." She whispered.

_If she missed me so much, why did she stay away, why did she let me leave? _I screamed in my head, but took a deep breath, calming my emotions.

One very important thing I learned during my years of medical schooling was that nothing, I mean nothing, was black and white. There were more shades of gray in life than one could possibly count, from dove to charcoal. It was not a matter of if Bella had been with Jacob or not, if she loved me or not, or even if she wanted another child or not. Gray.

"Bella…I, really want to, but…I don't understand…" I couldn't seem to verbalize the right words, but she understood.

She took a deep breath and stared deep into my eyes, searching for understanding possibly? I'm not sure what she saw there, but she moved forward. "I shouldn't have run away, I know that. I knew I was hurting you, yet…I couldn't seem to find an alternative path. A way to stay and work through it. The thought of disappointing you would have been far worse to deal with."

"Disappointing me, how?" I asked as I was finally able to reach my fingers across the invisible line on the smooth crème-colored sheets to lie on top of hers. Just the small connection was enough to make my heart believe she was really there, flesh and blood. Something I could finally grasp onto, to hold tight to after a week of seeming to float aimlessly.

Her gaze averted me and her brow knitted together. I reached out and stroked the back of my fingers along her smooth cheek, then cupped her chin, drawing it up so her eyes met mine. "Disappoint me, how?"

"I'm not ready Edward. I know I said I was - but I'm just not." She sounded so ashamed, which was ridiculous. I moved my fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. She sighed and seemed to relax. "I love you with all of my heart, and I don't want to spend my life with _anyone_ but you, but I'm not ready yet to have another baby. The wound is still too deep and I couldn't bear to create a child for the wrong reasons, to try and keep you, or to try to push away my grief. I know we never had the chance to know Olivia, I wish with all of my heart we did, but I can't try to replace her."

"Bella, love, you _have me_ no matter if we never have another baby. I am yours, _forever_." I said heatedly as I inched my torso closer to hers, pulling her to my chest. "And I agree, our love is too great to create a child for the wrong reasons, I would _never_ want that. It can only be a product of us sharing ourselves with one another, pure."

The feel of her body against mine, and the opening of our hearts, allowed my heart to relax for the first time in a week. The way she molded to me, filling in all of the empty spaces like a hot liquid poured into a mold. "Then…why did you say goodbye…why did you leave?"

Time for my confessions. I reached my free hand up; the one not wrapped underneath her, and ran it through my hair. "You looked so happy, happier than I had seen you in months, since before…" I couldn't say it. "I couldn't ask you to leave as I knew you would. As much as I need you, your happiness is more important."

Her hand reached between us and her fingers ran along my collarbone where my t-shirt pulled away. I closed my eyes and relished the heat she was spreading through my whole body from that one small touch. "You are right, I was happy." A clenching started abruptly in my stomach and my eyes flew open and looked down at her. A sweet smile played on her lips. "But it was a false happy, superficial. It was just a way of pushing the pain away, temporarily, but in no way healing it. Being in Forks with my old friends allowed me to forget, get lost. And although forgetting the pain and grief provided a sense a relief, I didn't want to forget all of the other wonderful things I have here, most importantly you."

We lay still for another few minutes. "So, where do we go from here?" I asked. "We want to be together, but we can't just revert back to how it was before you left."

She studied my eyes again; searching for those infamous answers, then spoke. "One thing I have been thinking about is how when we are away from home, we both seem to be better, happier. These walls hold too many sad memories. I think we should look for a new place to live..." She said hesitantly.

"I couldn't agree more." I smiled at her, her favorite crooked grin. "Maybe we could look for a house near Rosalie and Emmett." Her eyes brightened at this idea.

"Really, could you do that, with work? Could we afford it with me still in school?"

I let my eyes comb over her features, taking in the beauty of the woman in my arms. I would do _anything_ for her, to keep that excitement in her eyes. "I can handle a little longer commute. We have the money for a down payment from my inheritance. Besides, I would rather invest in our future, a home, then rent another apartment." She beamed at me. I took a deep breath, calming myself, not sure of how my next request would be taken.

"Bella…I love you, more than anything in this world, and I just want to see you feel _whole _again. I have a suggestion of something that might help." I said while I ran my fingers along the length of her upper arm.

She nodded for me to continue.

"Grief counseling." I replied softly. "I know it is hard for you to ask or accept help from anyone. That is part of what I love about you, your self-sufficiency. I can go with you, or you can go alone, but it is very important to me that you at least try it. We have tried doing this alone and obviously it's not working."

I looked into her eyes and they were wide with shock, but she wasn't saying no, so I continued. "I never went after my parents died even though it was suggested by many people, repeatedly…and I think if I did…it could have helped me to accept and heal a lot sooner." I bushed my thumb along her cheek. "Please learn from my mistakes."

She fell silent for a few minutes and I didn't press her to answer just continued stroking her hair and neck. Her gaze was fixed just past my shoulder and I watched as the varying emotions flitted across her face, pain, frustration, confusion and finally acceptance. She knew. I was right.

"Where would we find a doctor?" She asked softly.

"There is one at the hospital, Dr. Lim, who has worked with many of my patients' families after they have lost their child. It's what she specializes in. She recognizes and understands that losing a child is a loss like no other." The tears began to quietly well up in her endless eyes, and then silently made their escape, running down the side of her face to land on the pillow. She nodded in acceptance.

I pulled her to me and kissed her forehead. "Thank you." I replied to her wordless agreement and soft whimpers.

We lay there for a long time, just holding one another. Thoughts of the last week were streaming through my head at full-force. When I was finally able to organize them into a coherent theme, it all came down to the fact that she hadn't felt like she could talk to me. In her attempt to protect me, and hide herself and me from her pain, she caused our near destruction. No matter the circumstances or the fear of the outcome, we had to be able to talk to one another.

Her tears had cleared. Her hands were around my back and had run up underneath my t-shirt, drawing small, light circles on my skin. I was quickly losing my concentration. "Bella," I pulled her body slightly away from mine, like pulling the key out of a lock to expose the missing pieces. "You have to promise me, that from here on out, you will _always_ tell me what is going on in that beautiful head of yours. Even if you are afraid of my reaction, I need to know, that's the only way we will get through this and heal." I let out a breath of frustration. "I know you were trying to protect me…but _don't ever do it again_. I don't need protecting, _I just need you_." There was ferocity in my tone that I hadn't even realized was bubbling to the surface.

She didn't reply with words, but the point was taken as she nodded her head then pushed her body towards me and up on the pillow, tentatively putting her mouth to mine. My hand slid from her hair to the back of her neck, pulling her to me to tighten the connection. I felt her warm tongue run along my lips and I happily parted them to allow her access. The beginning of our sensual dance. With her head still in my hand, I rolled her onto her back with me partially on top her. Her hands were exploring my skin, sending shocks and waves through my system. I couldn't get close enough, touch enough, to completely erase my doubts. But, she was here, she said she would try counseling and communicating. I said we would move. We were trying to progress forward, not just pushing time, and waiting. Time for action.

Her small, agile fingers slipped down my torso under the waistband of my boxers grabbing my backside, triggering me to push my hips into her. She groaned and drew a leg up over my hip. I pushed her chin back with my hand and attacked her neck with a ravished heat, tasting and taunting every inch of her delicate skin. Pulling the collar of my t-shirt away from her neck, I grew frustrated at my lack of access, so I swiftly brought her up to sitting and pulled the grey cotton cloth over her head, sending it sailing over the balcony.

Ah, yes, just what I needed - her beautiful, sumptuous breasts. Perfectly round and topped with delicious pink nipples, like a sundae with a cherry on top. I took a moment to absorb every inch of her - ivory skin, delicate femininity, and the flush of her cheeks. She looked up at me lovingly as she lingeringly ran her fingers through my hair and down my chest. "You are so beautiful." I murmured as I lowered my head and took one of my favorite delicacies between my lips and teeth. Her back arched and her hips bucked beneath me, only driving me more, making me harder.

Before Bella, I had only made love to one other, my high school girlfriend. Then, it was primarily driven by hormones and lust, at the time, I had truly loved her, thought I was ready to spend my life with her. But now, with Bella, it was so different, more passionate, less careful, but still the exemplification of our love. There was less of a rush to get to the finish line and more need to take in the ride along the way. The flick of my tongue on her silky flesh, the trail of my hand down her sexy thigh, the moan of my name in my ear, the movement and collaboration of our bodies with one another's, all fueling my desire for her, not just my climax. It was different, and unbelievable, every time.

The ecstasy of her touch had me lost in my own mind, thinking back to the first time we had shared ourselves with one another. It had been so long for me since I had done that with a woman, eight years to be precise. Sure I had dated, but nothing of substance, and never to the point where I cared for her enough to take her to bed. As I had told Bella, it was not something I took lightly.

And after so long, I would have thought it would have been rushed, or nerve-filled, but it was neither, it was beautiful. It was natural, even if we have only known each other for a short-time. Without words, we both seemed to know how much we needed one another. I'll be the first to admit, it nearly killed me to stop her advances in the guest bedroom of Carlisle and Esme's house, especially when she took her shirt off, but I'm so glad I did. For making love, for the first time to this amazing specimen of a woman, the person I knew I was destine to spend the rest of my life with, should not be taken lightly.

The first time I touched the bare skin on her stomach, it was as if the nerves in my fingers were finally being awakened after a long hibernation. As I ran my nose along her collarbone to her ear, sucking in every drop of her scent, there was a feeling of coming home. Like when you are a kid and you get home from school to find your mom had just pulled an apple pie of out of the oven. Home. That is what Bella is to me, no matter where we are. So, her simple request of changing our physical address meant little to me, agreed to without thought. The fact that she was willing to go to counseling, however reluctant, makes me firmly believe that she is ready to heal. Therefore, I could forgive all her missteps, no matter how well intended and move forward with her, in my arms.

I was brought out of my reverie as I felt her tug my shirt over my head then trail her nails down my bare chest. I involuntarily moaned. It felt like the first time all over again, as if we were just seeing each other, bare and exposed - all senses on high alert.

I ducked my head and started a trail of kisses starting at her navel, up her stomach, between her breasts, causing her to wriggle underneath me for my lack of attention to either side of my lips, to her neck. My hands followed lightly back down the same path over the top of her panties, pausing for a moment, causing a groan in my ear, then slipping them off her hips. Her fingers dug into my shoulders and pulled me closer. "Please, Edward…I need you."

That was all it took, my undoing. I shot up quickly, pushed my boxers down, then grabbed her and brought her to straddle my lap. As we came together, I couldn't help but gasp at the way her body enveloped mine, as if only meant for one another. How could I have ever doubted her love for me?

She locked her legs around my hips and I circled my arms around her, pulled her tight to me, feeling her breast against my chest. We began our dance, our rhythmic swaying, pushing and pulling, becoming ever more urgent for one another. Dripping in sweat and desire, we reached our peaks of ecstasy. Her body fell limp into my arms as I felt myself spasm within her. I recognized that there were tears from Bella's eyes as I felt them hit the heated skin on my shoulder. "Don't you _ever_ try to protect me again." I murmured in her ear.

A_/N: Sorry it took the whole week. I hope that everyone understands better... and is feeling a little happier. :)_


	14. Chapter 13: WholeAgain

**Chapter 13: Whole…Again**

After revering and worshipping every square inch of her flesh, Bella's sleeping form rested on the bare skin of my torso. I lay awake, staring at the ceiling. The rise and fall of my chest from my breathing caused her hair to tickle my skin. I didn't move it, or scratch it. It reminded me I was alive and she was really here with me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind there was an itch…a wondering. Had it all been too easy? Had I welcomed her back with open arms only to have my heart broken again? In reality – it didn't matter. I wanted her - in every and any way I could have her. It's not like she exactly made me work for it when I left her.

Which brought me to another thought – how did she get here? I ran my index finger gently along the silky skin of her spine, feeling the small mounds and depressions of the vertebrae. She squirmed every so slightly and her arm draped over my waist tightened.

She raised her head, eyes still sleepy. "Hi."

I kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes again. After a lengthy pause, "How did you get here and when?" I hadn't noticed what time it was when I had awoken, just that it was still morning, and she was mysteriously in our bed.

"I took the red-eye out of Seattle and got to the apartment just before eight o'clock." She sighed and pushed herself up to sit cross-legged at my side. I couldn't help but admire her bare form as she stretched her arms above her head and yawned.

"I didn't have a car. Jake had to take me to Seattle, but he only had his bike, so he had to go home and get his car. I left almost all of my clothes at Charlie's. I got to the airport just as your plane was leaving the gate. I had to wait another two hours for the next flight. It was awful – the whole time thinking I was too late." Her eyes wouldn't meet mine as she twisted her fingers in her lap. I rolled to my side, supported my head with my elbow-perched hand, and put my other hand on her bare thigh.

"Bella." She didn't look up. "Look at me." She reluctantly drew her gaze up to meet mine.

"As long as this is where you want to be, you will _never_ be too late. Don't you know by now that I am hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you…and am truly a mess without you?" A whisper of a smile played on her lips. My fingers reached to brush along her cheek.

"I love you too…and I can't do this without you." I wasn't even sure what 'this' was, the counseling, the idea of having a baby, life in general. It didn't matter. My answer would be the same.

"You won't ever have to." I replied, wrapping my fingers around the back of her neck and pulling her to me for a gentle, sweet kiss. She shifted her bare body on top of mine and ran her fingers through my hair.

She broke the kiss. "Is it too soon to ask when we can go house hunting?" Anticipation and excitement in her voice.

"We can start today if you'd like. I have the next few days off…" No need to tell her it's because I had no idea how long it would take for me to get her home. "I will call Rose to ask about her Realtor. They really liked her." Her smile widened. I wrapped my arms around her torso and buried my lips in her neck and hair, deeply breathing her in – refreshing all of the cells in my body.

"Maybe we should start tomorrow." I suggested, having realized I wasn't ready to get out of bed or have her clothed just yet. She laughed and tried to push herself up, but I wouldn't loosen my hold on her.

"Edward, don't make me do it." She threatened.

"And what is that, love?" I replied as she pushed against my chest with no avail. She had pulled her legs up to straddle me and the sheer warmth of her soft, succulent thighs against my hips was making me very aroused.

"You know what." She said with confidence as her fingers drifted down to my waist line. She gently squeezed my skin and I squirmed beneath her, loosening my grip slightly.

"You know how this ends..." I swiftly flipped her onto her back and pinned her arms above her head, pushing my hips into hers. Her eyes rolled back as she smiled. "No fair." She whispered.

"Who ever said I would play fair." I whispered against her cheek as I ground against her again. Her mouth popped open as her hips bucked. I grinned at her reaction.

I look over at the clock, it was eleven. I saw the glint of the empty condom wrapper on the night stand. It had been the last one in the drawer. "This," I pushed my hardness into her again, she laughed, "reminds me that we need to stop at the store and get more condoms."

"No need." She replied. I pulled my head back to look at her in confusion. "While I was away, I went to my old doctor and started the pill again." She sighed. "Not that I wasn't thrilled last time, 'cause I was, but it wasn't planned…I don't want that again, not before I'm, we're ready. And we aren't exactly consistent when it comes to condoms. I hope you understand…"

I released her hands and wrapped my arms around her. "Oh, Bella, of course I do…and I'm sorry I haven't always been more proactive on my end…I guess…I just get caught up in _you_ and forget," shifting my weight up off of her onto my elbows.

"It's okay, it's my fault too." She planted little kisses on my chin and down my neck.

"You just wait until we are actually trying to get pregnant. I'm going to wear you out." She said lightly.

"I can't wait." I smiled against her lips.

We reluctantly got out of bed, showered and got dressed. While Bella was still upstairs I went into the kitchen and made us some sandwiches, then called Rosalie.

She answered after a couple of rings. "Hi Edward. Are you in Forks?" I could hear Lizzie babbling away in the background.

"No, I'm, we're home." I smiled to myself.

"So you went yesterday and came back last night?" She asked in confusion

"Pretty much, it's kind of a long story that I would be happy to share with you, but not right now."

"Okay. But…is everything alright? Bella's home, but is she okay?" There was concern evident in her voice. I could hear Emmett saying something behind her, but couldn't make it out. "Stop Em. I'll tell you when I'm done talking to him." She chastised. He grumbled something in response.

"What did he ask?" I was curious.

"He wanted to make sure you were okay and you made her work for it." She said despondently.

"Please tell him thank you for looking out for me, and I am fine, more than fine. We are really good." I felt a huge grin spread on my face. "And that is why I am calling, actually. Can you give me the name and number of your realtor? We are going to start house hunting." I heard Bella come down the stairs and motioned to her to sit at the table and eat. She smiled. A soft, sweet smile that made my heart palpitate.

"Wow, that's great. You two must have really hashed things out. I'm very happy for you Edward."

"Thank you. I appreciate your…perspective." I heard her digging in some papers.

"Okay, here it is." I wrote down the information on a scrap of paper as she relayed it to me. "We really liked her. She was great about working in our budget and understanding what we wanted. It's a tough market. Do you know what areas you are going to look in?" Rosalie asked.

"We really like your neighborhood. But other than that, we haven't talked about it. We need to do some research on schools." Wherever we bought a house, I knew we would want to stay for awhile and lay down roots. I wasn't much of one to move every few years. Creature of habit I guess.

My sister gasped on the other end of the line. "Wait…she's not…"

"No, no…not yet at least…not for a while." I quickly corrected. "Thanks for the info and give Lizzie a hug for me."

"Bye Edward."

I walked over, bringing the weekend newspaper's real estate section with me, to Bella at the table. I picked up half of my sandwich and took a bite as she pulled her chair closer to look with me. Chicago was such a massive city with such an enormous range of areas.

"We need to decide what areas we want to look first, and then decide what we need in a house." I suggested as I got up to get a piece of paper. "I will call the bank tomorrow to talk with them about getting pre-approved." In reality, we didn't need to take out a mortgage. I had plenty of money to cover the cost, but knew it was a wiser financial decision to borrow some of it because of the tax advantages. Then I could leave the other money alone to collect interest.

Bella just stared at me, her mouth slightly agape. "What?" I asked by her confused expression.

"We are really going to do this, aren't we?"

"Isn't this what you wanted? I know I have certainly thought about moving over the last few months." I replied honestly.

"I'm so foolish…"

"Why's that, love?" I asked putting the paper down and taking her hand in mine.

"I have wanted to move for months, pretty much since we came home from the hospital, but I didn't think you would be able to, with work, or whatever, so I never brought it up." Tears were starting to well up in her eyes. I reached up and cupped her cheek with my other hand.

"None of that matters to me, commutes, or our physical address. All that matters to me is that you are with me." I kissed her forehead and she melted into my embrace. "I don't deserve you." She mumbled into my shirt collar.

I laughed lightly. "Sure you do. I've done plenty in the past to you that has warranted some understanding on my part. Besides, _someday_, our kids will need more room, a yard, dog, the whole she-bang."

"_Kids_?" She asked quirking an eyebrow playfully at me. I just smiled and turned back to the house listings.

After a fairly short conversation, we decided that we needed a minimum of three bedrooms and one and a half baths, two car garage, nice yard and within walking distance to a park. I was trying to push her to consider a larger home, maybe four bedrooms with two baths, but she wouldn't even consider it, stating they were all too expensive anyways.

We reviewed the house listings in La Grange Park where Rosalie and Emmett moved, and there were quite a few that we could be interested in.

I called the Realtor, Mary, and she said she could meet with us later that week. We were too eager to start, so we loaded into the Volvo and decided to head out and do some "window shopping" of the houses we had seen listed in the paper. After three hours of driving around and two iced lattes, we were exhausted. We stopped and picked up a pizza and headed back to the apartment.

"Maybe we need to adjust our price range." I suggested casually as we walked in.

Bella looked at me skeptically. "The amount we agreed on is already _well_ beyond anything I ever imagined spending on a home…no, I'm sure we can find something, it might just take a little time."

"Bella, love, we have plenty of money. Why won't you let me spoil you, and our future family, for once?" I asked innocently as I wrapped my arms around her while she washed a dish at the sink.

She put the pot down and grabbed the dish rag from the counter to dry her hands, then slowly turned in my embrace to look me in the eyes, hesitantly. "Edward…you don't have to tell me…it's really none of my business…but how much money, exactly, did you inherit when your parents passed?" She spoke very carefully, and slowly, as if I was going to suddenly become angry with her.

We had never discussed the details of the money that my sister and I received from both our parents' life-long savings and life insurance pay-outs. I had always been willing to share it with Bella, she was my wife after all, but she never seemed interested. The money was in a separate account, a different bank even from our join account.

I smiled at her, a wicked little grin. I could already anticipate her reaction. I leaned in and whispered in her ear.

"Holy shit Edward!" She yelled. "You're freakin' rich!" Her eyes were huge with disbelief.

I smiled. "No love, _we_ are." My hidden wealth had always felt like a silent weight considering the reason Rose and I had it at all. I would give it all back to have one more day with my parents, but at the same time, am eternally grateful for their foresight and ability to take care of us even after they had gone. Rose and I may have been emotional messes, but we never had to be concerned about finances.

It made me happy to think about using the money for something other than school and mundane expenses. I had used little of it since college and buying my car, living off of my salary from the hospital, as unimpressive as it was this early in my career, it easily covered the cost of the apartment which was my only big expense. I had been saving it to use for something just as this – our first home.

"I hope you know that I fully support you continuing your education, or ending at your Masters and working…or just staying home when we have kids. Whatever you want to do, you can." I smiled at her.

She looked me full on in the eyes. There was so much love pouring out of hers. "I hope _you _know that none of that…the money…matters to me." She said softly.

"I know. That's why you haven't asked about it until now. Most people would have asked as soon as they walked into my apartment, knowing full well I couldn't have afforded it on my own. It's one of the many reasons that I love you Bella." I pulled my arms around her tighter and lifted her small frame. She wrapped her legs around my hips and pressed her lips to mine.


	15. Chapter 14: Moving Day

**Chapter 14: Moving Day**

"Bella, are you almost done with the boxes up there?" I yelled from the doorway to our apartment. Jasper and Emmett were over to help us load up the moving truck. I had unsuccessfully pushed to hire a moving company, but my lovely wife would hear nothing of it, stating it was unnecessarily spending money when we have such good friends we can utilize. I _was_ able to reason with her to hire someone to move the heavy furniture like our bedroom set and couches.

It had taken us two months to find the house of our dreams and then another two months to actually set a closing date and move. The owners were dealing with a contingency on their new house and since we had flexibility, we worked with them, and in turn they lowered the price slightly. It was a four bedroom, two and a half bath bungalow in the suburb of Hinsdale. It has a brick front, porch, dormers and big backyard. It was less than ten minutes from Emmett and Rosalie and our neighborhood backs up to a forest preserve.

"Yes, five more minutes. I am just packing the rest of the dresser." She replied.

I grabbed another box from the stack in the kitchen and headed to the elevator where Emmett was waiting. I headed back into the apartment to grab another. Just as I did Jasper walked in.

"Edward, can you come here please?" Bella called. I handed Jasper the box that I was going to take to Emmett and went up the stairs.

"Yes, love."

"Um...I was going through your drawers, packing clothes, and I came across this." She tentatively handed a small black box to me.

"I didn't look at it." She added quickly. I smiled and took her hand, pulling her up off of the floor and over to the bed. She sat next to me as I held the small box in my palm.

"This is a gift that a bought for you...quite awhile ago. I had meant to give it to you so many times, but it never seemed like the right time…" I said handing it to her. She held the unoffending box in her two hands like a hidden treasure. She drew her gaze up to mine. Her endless brown eyes held both concern and wonder. I nodded to have her open the box, which she did slowly. Perched in the black velvet lining was a white-gold necklace with a pendant. The pendant was a teardrop shaped garnet at the end of a diamond-encrusted bar.

"It's Olivia's birthstone. I know we will never forget her, nor do we want to, but this way when we have moved on to happier times, she will always be close to your heart." I said, trying to reign in my emotions as we both stared at the gem.

She was silent for a long time and I feared she was not ready to accept a symbol of our love for our lost daughter. Bella began grief counseling not long after she returned from Forks. I went with her for the first meeting, but we decided after that it might be more productive if she went alone. She said her inability to accept and fully move on had nothing to do with her love for me. She no longer looked at me and was reminded of Olivia. She no longer feared my affections, but there was more in her past to deal with than just our daughter's death. Her adolescent life had been spent caring for her parents, always putting other's first, and she was realizing there were issues to deal with that as well.

Over the months that she had been seeing Dr. Lim, Bella has slowly been brightening, her eyes more and more often held the joy, curiosity and love that I had become so enamored with when I met her. She was more open and vocal with me about her feelings and thoughts. Although I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone, I could now see the light at the end of the tunnel, and we are that much stronger for it.

I waited with baited to breath, afraid to say anything, to know her reaction to this gift that I had been holding for her for months. After we reconciled I had shoved it to the back of my drawer and had honestly forgotten about it.

She finally looked up from the box, a single tear ran down the length of her rosy cheek. She fingered the delicate chain and pulled it out of its holding place nestled in the velvet. "Will you put it on me?"

I released the air I had been painfully holding in my lungs and smiled. "Of course." She turned her back to me and lifted her hair to allow me access to her neck. I fastened the delicate clasp and kissed her neck where the metal lay. She let her hair drop, stood up and walked over to the mirror by the dresser, gently running her index finger down the length of the pendant.

"It's so beautiful." She smiled, widely, finally. "It's a perfect way to remember our daughter. Thank you." She walked over to me quickly and threw her arms around my neck. I buried my face in the crook of her neck. "You're welcome my love." I murmured. When she pulled back to look me in the eyes, I realized she was straddling my lap, causing my mind to turn lusty. I reached up and delicately touched the blood-red stone set even more ablaze by the creaminess of her skin, nestled perfectly at the top of her pert breasts. "It looks beautiful on you." I smiled then pressed my lips to hers. She easily granted me access to her warm mouth and I moaned in delight.

I became lost in her as I wove my fingers through her thick hair and we leaned in unison back on the bed.

"Ah-hem." I heard. I released Bella and she buried her lips in my neck. I felt her flushed cheeks against my skin. "Sorry to break up the make-out session, but we need to get the truck back by five." Emmett said lightly, with a smirk.

I grinned, realizing once again how easy it was for me to get lost in her, picked Bella up and placed her on her feet, but didn't relinquish my hold on her waist.

"I'll finish these boxes, love. Why don't you go check the kitchen and make sure we got it all." I suggested. She smiled, softly, sweetly then followed her brother-in-law down the stairs.

An hour later Emmett and I loaded into the moving van while Jasper and Bella drove our cars to the new house. I was beyond excited for this move. I knew it wouldn't _fix_ everything, and we had already come a long way, but it was a chance for a fresh start.

After a twenty-minute drive, made much quicker with the light traffic on Sundays, we pulled the truck into our new driveway. Bella quickly got out of the Subaru and ran to the front door.

"I know it's only been a few days since we were here last, but I almost forgot how beautiful this house is. I just love it!" She exclaimed as I bounded up the front porch with keys in hand. Emmett and Jasper were following us in. "Aren't you glad I wouldn't let you get away with your stubborn ways?" I smirked at her.

She gave me a squinted-eye glance back, but then broke in to a grin. I had had to really use all of my diplomatic skills to get her to agree to this house considering it was well above what she thought we should spend. Apparently her knowing the truth about our financial situation did no good to help her ease up about money. All in good time I suppose.

"Wow, this is quite the place." Jasper commented as we walked into the entranceway.

The floor plan was very open with a large living room in the front with a stone fireplace, kitchen in the back, dining room, two bedrooms upstairs and two downstairs. There were dark hardwood floors throughout the house and the original woodworking from when the house was built in the earlier part of the century. My favorite part was the glass French doors off of the kitchen and eating area that led to a large stone patio and backyard.

The house had been a real find and we knew the second we walked into it that we wanted to raise our family here. The couple that lived in it before had very elegant taste and thankfully very little needed to be done to make it ours.

Bella flew down the stairs, tripping on the last one and catapulted into my arms. We both laughed at her perpetual clumsiness. I didn't mind since it was just another reason for her to be in my embrace.

"When did you say the new furniture was being delivered?" She asked as we walked to the back of the house where Emmett and Jasper had ventured into the backyard.

"The new bedroom set is coming tomorrow and the couches are coming mid-week." I replied.

It was a beautiful late-October day. The air was crisp and the leaves seemed to be at their peak in color. I felt full of happiness - the stupid grin on my face could barely contain it.

Jasper had wandered to the back edge of the property and was talking on his cell phone. Alice had given birth about eight weeks ago to their son, Cole, and was at home with him. She promised Bella to come visit once we had a couch to sit on. Jasper hung up his phone and slowly walked over to us. He looked exhausted.

"Not much sleep lately?" I asked him.

He chuckled. "Yeah, it hasn't exactly been eight hours a night, but it's not too bad. I have been trying to help Alice out as much as I can, but I still have to get up in the morning while she and Cole are sound asleep. He's starting to get colicky, which has been rough the last week."

"Lizzie didn't have colic, but she had constant ear infections which always messed with her sleeping and eating. Everyone was so much happier when she finally had tubes put in." Emmett said. I laughed internally. I never would have thought that a few years ago I would have been standing around with my close friends and talking about sleepless nights and ear tubes.

Bella came out of the house with some drinks in her hands and passed them around to everyone. There was a large maple tree at the back corner of the lot that shaded more than half of the yard. It's colors were an unbelievably vibrant yellow and red causing the light that was cast behind my wife to glow with a surreal warmth. She looked like an angel from heaven standing there. We all stood silently drinking, but I caught her eye and she granted me the most glorious smile.

A little while later, Emmett and Jasper left to go back to their wives. Bella and I turned to each other with silly grins. "I can't believe we live here." She said with glee. "Are we going to stay here tonight?"

I looked around us at the empty living room. None of our furniture was coming until tomorrow with the movers. "We don't have any furniture, love." I replied.

"That's okay, we have our bed linens. It will be like camping." She exclaimed. "Now that we are here, I really don't want to go back to the apartment." She said with a slight whine, jutting out her bottom lip. She really knew how to get me. I nodded my head and conceded.

I kissed her quick and told her I was going to bring some of the boxes upstairs that were scattered throughout the entranceway. When the movers arrived tomorrow, I wanted to make it easier for them to get in the door.

When I came back downstairs, Bella had spread out all of the bedding that we owned on the floor in front of the fireplace. She had also lit a small fire. I am assuming with the logs that I had seen on the back porch left by the old owners. She had a bottle of wine and wine key in her hand.

"Okay, time to take a break and celebrate our new home." She pulled the cork free, poured two glasses and handed me one. "To new memories." She said softly as she touched her glass to mine.

A month later, when the house was fully assembled, all boxes were unpacked, and furniture delivered, we hosted our first dinner party. Bella had picked out a beautiful walnut dining room set and was eager to break it in.

It wasn't anything big, just the six of us, plus Alice and Jasper's son Cole. He was still so small, that he traveled easily. Bella cooked a magnificent meal and we all sat around the fireplace catching up. We had all been so busy we hadn't seen our friends as much of late.

Bella had stopped seeing Dr. Lim towards the end of the year, a few months after we moved in. The doctor said she was doing great and if she ever needed anything to call, but she didn't feel that regular visits were necessary any longer.

Bella never took her necklace off, even when we made love and it would dangle past her chin, tickling my jaw line. Even then, at our most intimate moments, we wanted to remember our sweet, innocent little girl.

The leaves had long ago dropped from the trees in the backyard and the winter air was settling in. The house being so much larger than our apartment, and more exposed, I could feel the weather shifts more drastically. We thoroughly enjoyed and regularly used the big stone fireplace in the living room.

One bitterly cold evening in February, a month after we acknowledged the one-year anniversary of our loss of Olivia, Bella suddenly turned to me while we read on the couch, curled up next to each other. She searched my eyes for the longest time. I saw a sweet mixture of love and contentment in hers.

She reached her hand up to cup the side of my face and I leaned into her warm touch. "I'm ready." She stated.


	16. Author's Note Nominated!

Hi All,

Just a friendly note to let you know that A Heart's Savior has been nominated for TWO awards at

twilightawards at this-paradise dot com!! They are the "Best POV" and "Best Ending categories".

I am so completely flattered and blown away by this and if you agree with these nominations (and I will be the first to admit I am up against some stiff competition, some of my favs.) please take a minute to vote. If nothing else, check out the nominees!!

Thanks again for all of the support. In regards to A Life Stolen, I apologize for the delay in updating. I will be posting this weekend and I hope it's worth your wait (B&E are makin' babies!!)

Newfoundlove


	17. Chapter 15: Taunting, Seducing and Props

**Chapter 15: Taunting, Seducing and Props**

8:15am Monday

Text message from Bella – _Our warm bed it already missing that fine rear-end of yours. Bring it home as soon as you can - I want to get my hands on it. Love you._

11:34 am Monday

_Wanted to let you know that I was cleaning out my lingerie chest and found something…interesting. Can't wait to show you. Love you._

5:05pm Monday

_I just uncorked your favorite bottle of red, pouring it as I type…hurry home. Love you._

It had been three weeks since Bella declared she was ready to get pregnant again. She went off of the pill and now, as she informed me, it was "prime time." She had been sending me seductive messages for the last few days, making it increasingly difficult to care about anything else but rushing home to her. On top of that, she was finishing up her Master's thesis and was finished with classes, so she had a lot of time on her hands to taunt me.

I walked briskly down the halls of the hospital and entered the room of my last patient for the day.

"Hello Ryan. How are you feeling today?" Ryan was in recovery from a fairly complicated surgery to repair a congenital heart defect. He was eleven years old and entirely sick of being stuck in a hospital bed. Sadly, I could completely relate.

"I'm fine Dr. Masen, just want to go home." He replied as she stared blankly at the television screen.

"I know Ryan. Soon. Hopefully in a couple of days. We are going to run a few more tests tomorrow to make sure that the repair we made on your heart is holding and if all is clear you will be released by Wednesday." I replied as I put a hand on his forearm to attempt to comfort him.

"Cool, thanks." Ryan responded in a much more upbeat tone now that his sentence was nearing its end. It was not only hard to see children sick and in pain, but once they were even an inkling better, it was very difficult to get them to understand why they needed to take it easy. I was exactly like Ryan every time I was stuck in a hospital bed.

I left Ryan to his show, dropped off his chart outside his door and made my way to the locker room to grab my things. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket indicating I had another text message. I had refrained from responded to her all day for fear that I would get even more preoccupied by what was waiting for me at home. I flipped the little silver phone open and pressed the enter button to read it.

_I'll give you a hint…it's your favorite color…love you._

I internally groaned as I grabbed my bag out of my locker and threw my white coat and stethoscope in. She knew how I reacted to her wearing sapphire blue. For the first time I hated the fact that I no longer had a five minute commute.

I headed for the elevators and while I was waiting Andrew walked up. "Hi Edward, you off now?" He asked as he shoved his hands in his pants pockets.

"Yes and it's been a long day."

"Really…" He looked me once over. "You look kind of keyed up, you okay?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow.

I tried to hide the stupid grin on my face. "Yes, fine thanks. Just ready to get home to my wife."

Andrew sensed to not push it further. We loaded into the elevator. I politely acknowledged my other colleagues who were also heading home, but as soon as the doors opened I was practically sprinting to the Volvo.

Thankfully the drive home wasn't too congested. I have to admit that it did take awhile to get used to a 30-40 minute commute instead of five or ten, but it has been well worth it. Since moving into the house, it seemed as though Bella and I have been able to just enjoy being married. We never really had that opportunity before and now we are relishing it, the quiet weekends together and house projects that drag us to the home improvement store five times on a Saturday; the pure and simple idea of spending time together without barriers or expectations. It has truly been wonderful.

I had in no way put a time line on when I thought she would be ready to get pregnant again. I told myself all that mattered was that she was healing and we were happy, kids would come in their own time, and we were still young. But, like so many things with Bella and I, we seemed to be on the same wavelength. The week that she had told me that she was ready I had just started to realize that I was ready too, feeling a small tug that something was missing. The house was completely settled into, she was slowing down with her last semester of school and we seemed to have more time on our hands. I was starting to feel like I was ready for more.

I was brought back to reality as I pulled into our driveway and cut the engine. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself – I was actually a bit nervous. Rarely was there this much lead up and anticipation to our lovemaking.

I opened the front door, bag in hand which I quickly dropped to the floor next to the brass coat rack. I was about to call out to her, when I noticed something on the floor, right next to a white paper arrow. I bent down and picked it up, and smirked devilishly, it was a glass of red wine. I took a swig feeling the warmth of the rich, red wine quickly spread through me. I followed the arrow up the stairs, which had random little glass votive candles lining them, to the landing. There was a bottle of chocolate sauce. I picked that up as well, unclean thoughts already dancing through my mind, and put it into my pants' pocket.

My stomach was doing flips as I reached the top of the stairs and saw of bowl of strawberries. I grabbed them and eagerly headed towards our bedroom. I slowly pushed open the door and immediately saw that the room was immersed in the flicker of candlelight. My eyes zeroed on the bed and I gasped. Bella was sitting in the middle of it, her legs spread and tucked underneath her, leaning back supporting her weight on her hands. She was adorned in a very small piece of silk and lace that skillfully covered a very small portion of her flesh. The torso was nearly sheer lace revealing her ripe, pink nipples, and two high slits in the silk along the sides to expose her bare thighs. She had done something with her hair - it was all full of curls and wildly sexy. I was hard instantly.

I just stood in the doorway staring at her, until she winked at me and motioned to get up. "Don't move." I commanded in a husky voice that I didn't recognize. I wanted to burn this sight into my memory for all of time. Her ruby lips quirked up on the corners into a grin and she relaxed back again.

I took a big swig of wine and walked over to her. Her eyes were dancing all over me like I was her favorite meal and she couldn't decide where to start...I knew the feeling. I reached over with a shaky hand and placed the wine glass and strawberries on the side table, then put my knees on the bed and crawled up her, forcing her to shift her legs out from under her and lie back. She hitched her knee around my hip and smirked, a sinfully sexy grin, as she grabbed my tie and pulled me to her lips.

The moment our lips connected the world melted away. All that mattered was that I was with her, taking her, making her mine in every way, this devilishly seductive woman I called my wife. My hands were frantically dancing all over the blue lace that adorned her body, pushing and pulling to get to her bare flesh. I felt her tugging at the buttons on my shirt and her small hands dip below my waistline, causing me to suck in air, as my lips continued their assault down her torso.

Her legs came up and locked around my waist, pulling our hips firmly together and I released a guttural moan against the skin of her creamy neck. It was as if my mind was leaving me and I was purely driven by desire and need. Her hands wove through my hair and increased the pressure of our kiss.

She pushed my shirt off of my shoulders and I heard it swoosh to the floor as she began working on my belt all the while seductively languishing her tongue with mine. I dipped my head down and pulled the lace of the nightgown down with my teeth to her waist, quickly taking her now exposed peak in my mouth. Her hips bucked beneath me as I trailed my kisses south.

She had pushed my trousers and boxers down to fall at my ankles with her feet. I heard the jar of chocolate sauce in the pocket thud on the hardwoods, while I inelegantly stepped out of them. "Edward...please..." She moaned against my hair as I suckled her skin.

We were both frantic for one another and I couldn't be happier to oblige her request. I drew my knees back up on the bed, pushed her nightgown up to reveal that she didn't have any underwear on and moaned in appreciation at the sight. She interrupted my ogling as she wrapped her legs around my back and pulled my hips to hers.

As we came together she moaned loudly, her back arching up. My whole body shutter as she gripped me _so _tightly. I pinned her arms above her head with my hands and drove into her as she met each of my thrusts. Our releases came quickly and simultaneously as I buffered the sound of my groans into her hair.

I stayed immersed in her for several minutes, slowly rocking, not wanting it to end, as she ran her fingers up and down my spine. When we had caught our breaths, I withdrew and rolled over to lie beside her, pulled her to me, and kissed the top of her head. She tilted her head up to look at me. "We may have just made a baby." The grin she donned was breathtaking. "It feels so much more proper this time." I nodded in agreement and kissed her again

"I'm sorry we didn't get to use your props." I smirked as I looked over at the bowl of strawberries. She just smiled, "Oh, don't think I am done with you yet, Mr. Masen," running her finger teasingly around my nipple. I cocked an eyebrow as I felt myself getting aroused again. She rolled over to the edge of the bed and grabbed the chocolate sauce from my pants' pocket. She swung her leg to straddle my waist and eyed me with an evil smirk.

"And what, may I ask, are you planning to do with that Mrs. Masen?" She didn't answer me, only twisted open the lid and dipped her finger inside. She pulled it out, looked at it covered in thick chocolate sauce. Then stared right at me as she put her chocolate covered finger to her breast and drew circles around her nipple. My erection stiffened even further at the idea of what I was about to enjoy.

I began to push myself up on my hands, but she placed a firm hand in the center of my chest and pushed me back. I obliged, wondering what else she had in mind. Once again, sensually staring me down, as if daring me to question her, she tipped the bottle over and we watched as chocolate sauce slowly drizzled out in a fine line onto my chest. She tipped the bottle back upright, and leaned over to place it on the nightstand. Before I could question her, she pinned my hands at my sides with her knees, leaned over and placed her warm, wet tongue at my naval, where the line of chocolate started, and began to slowly lick her way up my torso. While she did this, she reached behind her and took my shaft firmly in her hand and began stroking. I bucked beneath her, desperate to get my hands back on her. I felt her lips pull up into a grin against my chest. This was truly sweet torture.

I allowed her to continue taunting me for another few minutes, but finally I could take it no longer as the idea of her chocolate covered nipples were overpowering me. I pulled my hands free, grabbed her around the waist and flipped her over, causing her to yelp. She laughed when I reached over and grabbed the jar of sauce and began drizzling it the length of her milky white inner thigh. She shushed immediately as I, in a painfully slow movement, put my tongue to her sensitive skin. I peeked up at her and she was biting her lower lip with the look of sheer concentration. I could relate. I put my hand to her center and began slow ministrations with my thumb and forefinger. Her body tensed beneath me then her legs fell completely open. I was winning!

I licked the length of her leg then moved up her torso to her breasts, which were now heaving as I quickened the pace with my fingers. Her hands were desperately grasping at the bedcovers while her back arched. It was the hottest thing I had ever seen and I felt myself nearing climax without even entering her. I swiftly removed my fingers and replaced it with my very hard shaft.

Once that occurred, we were frantically grabbing on to one another, she nearing clawing at my back as she whimpered, "Harder..." I continued pounding into her, our skin slapping in the most erotic of ways.

"You feel so...damn...good." I muttered as she wrapped her legs even tighter around me. She reached beneath her leg and cupped my sack - it was all over then. Without thought I released a guttural cry as I felt her tighten around me.

After lying back again, "What did you have planned for the strawberries?" I inquired playfully as her sticky, sweat-misted body lay draped over mine.

That was how the two months went. Some days were hotter than others, some were sweet, slow love making, others frantic, either way it was amazing. One day I came home to find her sprawled naked, but for a thong and high heels, on my piano!

As the days went on, we became more playful with each other, when I was home, our skin was always touching or caressing, anything to cause us to end up naked in each others' arms. We were the happiest we had ever been - not just from all of the sex – which was fantastic - but from the level of connection we seemed to have regained.

The first month that she wasn't pregnant was hard on her but she rebounded quickly knowing that it usually takes a few months and she had just come off of birth control.

"Bella, love." I called as I walked in the front door on a Wednesday night. I had picked up Chinese food and a bottle of wine and started towards the kitchen.

"Hi, Edward. Can you come upstairs please?" Her voice was sweet, but there was a tinge of something else, I wasn't sure what though.

"Sure, one sec, let me put the food away." I called back. I put the paper bag and bottle on the counter, kicked off my shoes and headed back to the staircase.

"Where are you?" I called as I neared the top of the stairs.

"In our bathroom." She answered. I heard an unfamiliar strain in her voice so I picked up my pace. I walked through our bedroom to the open, lit doorway of the bathroom. Bella was sitting on the toilet, staring at a pregnancy test in her hand. My heart started to thud loudly in my chest like a percussion section of a marching band. She drew her eyes up to mine, hers where glistening with tears and I was about to dash over and comfort her, when a huge grin spread across her beautiful face. I stopped mid-stride, my eyes wide with shock, disbelief.

"Really?" I asked tentatively. She nodded vigorously and held the test up to I could see the little blue plus sign in the plastic window. I quickly fell to my knees in front of her, pulling her into my lap, and then kissing her for all I was worth.

34 weeks later

"Bella, love, you're doing great." I whispered as I held her hand while sitting behind the blue wall of surgical curtain. She had really been a trooper, not even whimpering when they gave her the spinal block, which I knew could be very painful. My wife was now splayed out on the operating table, even as a surgeon a sight I never want to get used it, and within moments we would meet our baby. _Our baby_.

We had decided just like with the last pregnancy to not find out the sex. Both of us had wavered on our opinions throughout, but in the end really had no idea what it would be. We didn't care either.

Her pregnancy had gone great, other than the perpetual edge of _what if? _Once she was passed the twenty-week point were she had problems before, we breathed a sigh of relief. She met with her doctor every other week so that they could monitor her cervix and it held strong with no worries.

After we got the good word from the doctor that her pregnancy was on course I swept her away to Hawaii for a week. Bella had not traveled much and I wanted some relaxing time alone with her before we were happily tied to the house with a new baby.

I painted the nursery a pale golden yellow and she had picked out red, white and yellow bedding with farm animals. I enjoyed putting together all of the furniture and gear, my heart and brain finally starting to accept that this wasn't like last time, we were finally blessed. No matter how uncomfortable she got being pregnant, even at the end, she never complained, relishing every minute of the pregnancy.

"Bella," Dr. Bradley said in a calm voice, "we are going to start the incision now. You will feel some pressure, but there shouldn't be any pain."

A minute later we heard a small cry. Bella turned to me with tears brimming in her eyes. I smiled wider than I ever had. "It's a boy." The doctor informed. A minute later, he was handed to me fresh from my wife's belly. Bella had one of her hands strapped down to keep it immobile for her IV, but the other was free. She reached over and gently ran her fingertip down his cheek then I lay my lips on his warm skin, thanking God that he was finally ours. The flood of emotions running through both of us was overwhelming and we barely held back from weeping.

The nurse came over and said she needed to get his height, weight and finish cleaning him up. I reluctantly placed him in her arms then grabbed Bella's hand.

She had a huge smile on her face as the tears silently tracked down her cheek and hit the narrow operating table. "Do you still want the name we picked?" I asked as I brushed her hair away from her forehead. She nodded vigorously. The nurse brought him back over and placed him in my arms stating we had a few minutes until they took Bella to recovery.

"Bella, my love, please let me introduce you to Owen Charles Masen." She tentatively reached over as I held _our son_ up for her to see, his eyes were closed, covered in the protective gel the nurses applied, tears streaking down both of our faces. She gently pushed the light blue cap off of his head and a thick crop of auburn hair jumped out. Her eyes met mine and I knew, right then, that I was in heaven.


	18. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

"Edward, we're leaving now. We'll see you in an hour or so." I yelled into the backyard. Edward's head popped up from his garden that he was tending to. He waved goodbye. He rarely had time off these days and when he did he enjoyed the peaceful labor of tending to the house. I hitched our son up higher on my hip, grabbed the diaper bag and headed out the front door to the car.

"Are you ready to go to the playground?" I asked Owen as I strapped him into his car seat.

He looked back at me with wide, chocolate brown eyes. "Payground? Cole…Lizzie?"

"Yes, and Aunt Alice and Aunt Rose." I replied as I slid in behind the steering wheel.

"You and me mommy. You and me." He said as he gathered his favorite blue blanket in his arms and began to search methodically for the small, silk tag that was his favorite thing in the world. Once he did he rugged it feverishly between his tiny fingers.

Five minutes later we pulled into the playground at the school. It was a perfectly even drive from all of our houses and we tried to meet up at least once a week. Last year, Alice, Jasper and Cole moved into a little ranch just down the street from Rosalie, Emmett and Lizzie.

I parked the car and went around the side to unbuckle Owen. He was already squealing with delight as he saw Lizzie on the swings. The minute I set him down, he took off.

"Wait for mommy, Owen." I called, but he didn't slow down. I saw Alice and Rose sitting on the park bench. Alice nodded letting me know she was watching him for me as I grabbed the diaper bag with all of the necessary equipment – cheerios, sippy cup and hat.

"Hello ladies." I greeted as I plunked down next to them.

"Hey Bells, what's new?" Alice asked then yelled across the playground to Cole to slow down.

"Not much, Edward is home doing house stuff. We've gotten so behind with him so busy interviewing for his new position." I answered as I took a sip of the coffee Alice had picked up for me from our new favorite coffee shop near her house.

Edward was just completing his residency and had quickly become a hot commodity in the pediatric cardiology world. He had several job offers on the table, but at this point, felt confident that he was going to stay with the children's hospital he has been at since school. He said eventually he may go into private practice, but for now, the hospital environment offered the best in new treatments and research. Once I had completed my masters, I took time off to be home with Owen.

"How are you feeling Rose?" I asked as I leaned over to look past Alice to her.

"Fine, growing by the second of course." She replied as she rubbed her well-manicured hand over her baby bump. Even at full-term, she will barely look pregnant since she is so tall. Unlike Alice and I – we looked like we were going to tip over!

"What time is the party on Saturday?" Alice asked. I was throwing Edward a surprise birthday party at our favorite restaurant. He was so adverse to any kind of attention this was the only way that I could get everyone together to celebrate his big three-oh.

"It's at seven o'clock. No gifts please. The man does not need _anything_. And, he's impossible to buy for." He was notorious for just buying it for himself regardless how close we were to Christmas.

I watched Owen running around with Cole as I spoke. Even though the boys were more than a year apart in age, they were not far apart in size. Owen took after his father's height and Cole took after his mother's lack-there-of. They just now were starting to play more now that Owen was a little older. He adored Cole – followed him all over the place. Lizzie was content on the swing, away from the crazy boys.

"How is it that these men as they age keep looking _better_…and I keep spending _more_ money and time at the spa?" Rose quipped. Emmett turned thirty last year. Rosalie threw a huge party for him at a restaurant on the lake. There had to have been two hundred people there. Just goes to show the difference between Edward and his sister, that's definitely not our style.

"Who's watching Owen?" Rosalie asked.

"Renee is coming in for the weekend. After the party I am taking Edward to that spa resort he took me to a few years ago. We loved it there, so peaceful. With him so busy with work we have hardly had any time together. " That place would always hold fond memories for us. It was a real turning point in my dark days. We didn't speak of the time often, both of us content to look past it to our current state of bliss, but I knew we would never forget how we almost lost each other.

At the time, I couldn't see clearly how depressed I was, how I needed help. I kept thinking it would just past, but eventually nothing made sense. When Edward hid his illness and left me, at least I was able to continue on somewhat, function at least marginally. When we lost Olivia, the world no longer made sense to me. It was too harsh a place. And, I was blind to the pain I was causing my husband. I knew in the back of my mind that all he wanted to do was help and love me, but I wasn't able to accept it. I felt unworthy of any attention. On top of that, the only physical reminder I had of our daughter was my husband.

So, I ran. Knowing at the time it was the worst thing I could have done, but truly seeing no other alternative. Like when someone commits suicide, they wouldn't ever go through with it if they could see another possible path in the road. See an end in sight to their pain.

I am thankfully every day that Edward didn't give up on me. Even when he tried to walk away from me on Charlie's front lawn, it wasn't because he loved me any less – but because he just wanted me happy even if it wasn't with him. He is a far less selfish person than me. Up until that point, I had had blinders on for too long. The look in his eyes, when he walked away, thinking I didn't need him or love him any longer, it was more painful than anything I had even endured, even losing our baby girl.

I was brought back from my reverie by Owen's cries. I jumped up from the bench and ran over to him, dropping to my knees and pulling him into my arms. "What happened lovebug?" I asked as I cuddled him and kissed his tears. I saw him stumble and fall, it scared more than hurt him.

"Pell down." He replied between sniffles. I knew I shouldn't, but I found it adorable how he isn't able to pronounce f's yet.

"Do you want mommy to kiss it?"

He shook his little head. His wild auburn waves flopping around just like his daddy's.

"Need go home, see daddy." He whimpered into my tear-soaked shirt.

"You're done playing?"

He shook his head again and tightened his hold around my neck. I wrapped a hand under his bottom and hitched him to my hip.

"Okay ladies, I think little man it ready for a nap." I said while grabbing my bag.

"We'll see you Saturday." They both replied and waved.

I loaded Owen into his car seat and headed back to the house where Edward, the love of my life, my angel, my personal Adonis, and father of our child was waiting. That alone brought a big smile to my lips and a flutter to my heart.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you to EVERYONE for their support and encouragement for both A Heart's Savior and A Life Stolen. It has been SO much fun and I never expected the overwhelming positive response that I had received. In fact - AHS has won FOUR, count them, FOUR awards on "twilightawards (dot) this-paradise (dot) net: first place for "Best Ending"; second place for "Best Kiss", "Best UST" (sexual tension), and "Best POV"._

_I am nearing the end of my second pregnancy and have completely lost my attention span - hence the slow updates. Therefore, I will we taking some time off from FF to enjoy BD and read every elses' wonderful stories. But, if I am suddenly inspired during a midnight feeding session to write more about B&E and their angsty, wonderful love, I will certainly post it._

_Thanks again,_

_newfoundlove_


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